Earlier quoted context omitted.
Wow, thanks for this. I can relate to this instability, but I'd never seen or heard of this follow on study.
It's at least half of what the article is about.
Yeah, I appreciate the link to the source / study.
Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
331–340 of 424 posts
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#332Earlier quoted context omitted.
Some people get really hung up on rigid thinking around "correlation is not causation" and throw the baby out with the bathwater, bending over backwards to avoid leaning on correlation at all. They focus on strict causal-logic, to the point of ignoring the truth value of of statistical reasoning under uncertainty.
I call this motivated reasoning.
induction, deduction and abduction
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#333The marshmallow test without a control for whether the child is hungry and/or how recently they've been fed is worthless.
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#334Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think this case is excused by the fact that you have no way of explaining why the medicine is important.
Exactly my point. Deception may be necessary at times.
Would it make you feel better if you told your dog there was a pill in the peanut butter? I don't think that would stop them from eating it.
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#335Earlier quoted context omitted.
This is a White America thing and it is why we are in the situation we are in as a country but people want to pretend that race and culture doesn't play any role in anything. It does. You don't need to feel bad about it. Just acknowledge that it is a thing.
It's not a White America thing to reject race as a biological concept, it's consistent with scientific study.
Race isn't a biological concept, but a social one, and it unfortunately has very real impacts.
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#336I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? The rest is spot on. I became a parent before I was ready, and man, they are little sponges. They learn everything you do, everything you say, embarrassingly so. My 5 year old would lay on the couch to…
>"Now she's 13, knows it all, and doesn't want to be picked up anymore. And I tell you, I wish I never had a smartphone at all."
Geez this hits hard. I've been pretty aware of it though, so I try to spend as much time with my daughter as possible without smothering her. I tell my wife almost daily that she's going to regret not getting off her smartphone and spending more time with her when she could. I'm not some soothsayer, but it seems pretty obvious to me.
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#337The title is moronic, the content reads like it is written by someone completely out of touch with reality.
This is a common sense idea... the fact that this required this level thought is scary.
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#338Earlier quoted context omitted.
what the hell... how so?
Well I'm no champion of this theory.. bit skeptical TBH having been shown during some parenting coaching BUT the idea is kids who have a loving, trusting and attentive relationship with their primary care giver will be more likely to trust and seek help from others later in life and vice versa.
> a loving, trusting and attentive relationship with their primary care giver
If you grew up without this, you would not be able to avoid noticing how seemingly effortlessly the people around you have adjusted to adulthood when it can sometimes be a struggle to get over your fear of interacting with other people when you go to the grocery store. Not saying your skepticism is invalid but I would suggest to consider that perhaps the above is a privilege that not all enjoy and what injurious effects its absence may have. You may wonder about those close to you who seem to have trust issues: did/do they have a good relationship with their childhood care givers?
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#339Earlier quoted context omitted.
The idea of the article is to create an environment at home so that your child feels secure in the sense of being able to pass the marshmallow test. This is the same sort of logic that leads to the idea that you should have a large home library, because that is predictive of success, or make sure your kids don't have holes in their shoes because that is predictive of success. If you "fix" these things they lose their…
> If you "fix" these things they lose their predictive power. Similarly if everyone tries to modify their parenting behavior so that the children can pass a hypothetical marshmallow test, then you will find that the test is no longer predictive of success. Maybe in the end nurture has no impact and the result is 100% due to nature. But what's the point in being a parent if that's the case? At that point is a philosop…
This is a false dichotomy; that it's either 100% nature and you have no control or that you must obsessively apply whatever faddish unverified pseudoscience passes your way in order to ensure your child's success.
Do what comes naturally. Do things that other parents around you are doing. If you want to do something that other parents are not doing, approach with caution but be openminded. Do things that your parents did that seem good, don't do things that your parents did that seem bad.
Most importantly, if you encounter research that disagrees with your intuitions, ignore it. If you encounter research that agrees with your intuitions, also ignore it.
If you encounter data-driven research that disagrees with your intuitions, then run screaming away. If you encounter data-driven research that agrees with your intuitions, then question your intuitions.
Finally, live with the fact that a lot of how your children develop is completely out of your control. If you have multiple children this will become extremely obvious very quickly.
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#340Earlier quoted context omitted.
Exactly, it's nonsense to talk about "executive function" as if it's some internal liquid that some kids have and others don't. Kids adapt to the realities of their situation, if they feel - on an intellectual level, or maybe on a more instinctive level - that things are precarious and options you have today won't be there tomorrow, and promises made to you won't necessarily be kept, of course you eat the goddamn mar…
> it's nonsense to talk about "executive function" as if it's some internal liquid that some kids have. That's actually how people with executive function disorders (like ADHD) describe it. There's a finite amount of gas/fuel/internal liquid they have in a day, which gets consumed as demands are made of them and it runs out a lot sooner for them than it does for others. Once it's gone even simple tasks can be overwhe…
As somebody with ADHD going on, the metaphor I've seen that I like best is to imagine that you have to do absolutely everything while bringing along a giant husky on a leash. Even when it's cooperative it's a source of friction; when it isn't, you're trying to drag it along just to be in a place to complete basic tasks.