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Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

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Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#321

Post by MetallicCloud »

diob wrote: post #320
Swizec wrote: post #279

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I see an argument that "the world they live in" affects children's ability to wait, and that culture is an important aspect of the world that kids live in Followup studies on the marshmallow test also showed that how well kids do depends on whether they trust adults. In less stable environments, kids learn that adults don’t (or cannot) keep their word. They simply do not believe the researcher who says there will b…

Wow, thanks for this. I can relate to this instability, but I'd never seen or heard of this follow on study.

It's at least half of what the article is about.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#322

Post by pak9rabid »

krisoft wrote: post #173
zeristor wrote: post #2

This article mentions the marshmallow experiment. I am confused do people actually like eating marshmallows, if so why? It always seems to be taken as read that they’re irresistible. Why on Earth

> It always seems to be taken as read that they’re irresistible. Nah. It wouldn't work if it was irresistible. You need a candy crapy enough to be resited by some people sometimes, but good enough to be desired by some people sometimes. Experimenters tried the same setup with a turkish delights once. Things went sideways so fast that they needed to get a talking lion to calm the situation down. Kids were betraying th…

Reminds me of the the Simpsons scene with the pixie stick:

"Don't hog it all!"

"Go to hell zitface!"

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#323

Post by simplify »

joelfried wrote: post #274
lolinder wrote: post #229

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm going to quote the paragraph you're responding to so that those just reading the comments can see what it actually says: > The marshmallow test also doesn’t account for cultural differences. In some cultures, waiting is baked into daily life. Think about Japan, where kids are often taught to wait quietly for meals or gifts. Compare that to the US, where instant gratification is practically a way of life. These cu…

> I see no mention of race or location Location: "Think about Japan", "Compare that to the US" - this is a pretty straightforward comparison by location about culture based on location. It presumes a bunch and I'm grunching (and showing my age by using that term), and I'm not trying to disagree with you . . . just highlight the comparison you said you could not see.

No, that isn't right. It's the culture differences, not locations, that are being compared here. Location is only correlated to those differences; being in Japan vs being in the US doesn't guarantee the comparison.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#324

Post by pak9rabid »

zeristor wrote: post #2

This article mentions the marshmallow experiment. I am confused do people actually like eating marshmallows, if so why? It always seems to be taken as read that they’re irresistible. Why on Earth

Only the crunchy ones in Lucky Charms

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#325

Post by HDThoreaun »

latexr wrote: post #209
gretch wrote: post #10

People always use the marshmallow test as a sign that the participant can’t delay gratification. But what if they just understand time-value-of-marshmallow. Sometimes marshmallow now is better than marshmallow later.

Yes! I personally find marshmallows underwhelming. If you gave me one or two I might eat them. But if the choice is between “eat one now and you’re free to go do whatever you want” or “stay locked alone in this room for a quarter of an hour and you get two”, the latter is a worse proposition. I’m perfectly content with being with my own thoughts for hours, but being forced to do nothing for a crummy reward when a bet…

Youre locked in the room either way.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#327

Post by mrexroad »

aucisson_masque wrote: post #312
edferda wrote: post #142

I don’t have kids. However, this same concept can be applied, and verified, with dogs. I have made it a rule to never deceive my dog, and she trusts me because it. If I pick up her water bowl to refill and clean it while she is in the middle of drinking, I make it a point to always give it back with fresh water. I have several water bowls around the house , and the one in my room only gets refilled when I see she is…

A dog isn't a kid obviously, the dog you leave him outside of the home once you're done and it requires maybe 30 minutes of attention a day. a kid, it's constant attention. > I will make sure that what I communicate (either verbally or non-verbally) is congruent with my actions. I believe that this, is the surest way to build trust. Everyone think that way during the beginning, until having an hour of free time durin…

Sure, physical pain is absolutely part of life and unavoidable. Yet, it is not an effective tool for either parenting or raising dogs. This has been consistently shown, both for raising children as well as dogs, in research over past few decades. All you do is condition fear and creating emotional trauma that will leave them less able to cope and process emotional pain later in life without resorting to “getting out the belt” for their kids.

Patenting is brutally hard, exhausting, and often unrewarding work. But if you’re burnt out and find yourself reaching for the belt because your hour of free time is being disrupted by some undesirable behavior then just step out of the house for a few minutes. Young kids (and puppies) crave attention and removing the attention is more effective than giving attention by conditioning a fear response.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#328

Post by rayiner »

guhidalg wrote: post #311
bluefirebrand wrote: post #286

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is important that we stop taking people who treat this topic as a taboo seriously at all This modern mentality of "all cultures are equal and valid and none are superior to any other" is just ridiculous Culture is something we are always looking to improve on. In this way, we are comparing our existing culture against hypothetical future cultures and deciding that one of them is more desirable If we can compare a…

Yes but these comparisons of real cultures become very gross very fast. Japanese culture is orderly, neat, autonomous and their children are taught to wait at an early age. That's awesome! We should emulate Japan, clearly their culture is superior. Nevermind the salary-man trope, misogyny, Hikikomori, and rigidity that comes with it. Instead of thinking about cultures in terms of ranking, try to understand the histor…

We don’t need to “rank” cultures to recognize that individual aspects of culture are better adapted to current environments.

My dad always says that “Bangladeshis don’t know how to name kids.” We don’t have surnames, but instead two given names. And everyone uses a nickname anyway that’s unrelated to the legal names. That is just inefficient and unwieldy in a modern world where social circles are larger than a village. So I have my dad’s last name and so do my kids. None of us like the name and it has no historical value but it makes things more efficient going forward.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#329

Post by JasserInicide »

SketchySeaBeast wrote: post #233
JasserInicide wrote: post #225

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Great post. The increasingly insane purity tests that the far left levy upon others they deign as less woke (in the original sense of the word) has gotten completely out of hand. Especially here on HN. Too many times I've seen normal discussion happen and then someone comes along with "Um excuse me can you not use that term because [3 paragraphs of nonsense when one time one person somewhere took offense to said term…

I know this is what you're complaining about, but did you just equate autism and being far left? Do you find that the sort of complaints you are describing come out after you do groupings like that?

but did you just equate autism and being far left

No, more so it's at the root of crippling all online discussions.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#330

Post by guilamu »

fastball wrote: post #227
guilamu wrote: post #193

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The race or location of the parent absolutely determines their childhood. This has been studied for decades, and it's called Practice theory. It emerged in the late 20th century and was first outlined in the work of the French sociologist Pierre Bourdieu [1]. [1] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Practice_theory

That seems to be more about culture, which is separate from race or location.

Nope : https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Habitus_(sociology)
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