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Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

desunit.com

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Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#171

Post by christophilus »

watwut wrote: post #15
RheingoldRiver wrote: post #4

> Think about Japan, where kids are often taught to wait quietly for meals or gifts Author got the country and items correct but not associated correctly. In Japan, kids pass the marshmallow test with flying colors but fail the same test if it's a gift. In America kids generally pass the gift test (hypothesis is that they're used to waiting for presents on Christmas). source - https://www.scientificamerican.com/artic…

Marshmallow test is one of those things real psychologists (whether practical or science) just do not care all that much about, but pop culture is sure obsessed with it.

I think you’re right. It is one of the many studies that has failed to replicate[0].

[0] https://www.theguardian.com/education/2018/jun/01/famed-impu...

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#172

Post by christophilus »

rusk wrote: post #87
watwut wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Marshmallow test is one of those things real psychologists (whether practical or science) just do not care all that much about, but pop culture is sure obsessed with it.

They do care about it. It’s an immensely important milestone in the development of the field, and is pretty much axiomatic as a developmental marker and has been widely and consistently replicated. Where modern day psychology diverges is (as discussed in the article) on the conclusions and analysis.

Counterpoint: https://www.theguardian.com/education/2018/jun/01/famed-impu...

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#173

Post by krisoft »

zeristor wrote: post #2

This article mentions the marshmallow experiment. I am confused do people actually like eating marshmallows, if so why? It always seems to be taken as read that they’re irresistible. Why on Earth

> It always seems to be taken as read that they’re irresistible.

Nah. It wouldn't work if it was irresistible. You need a candy crapy enough to be resited by some people sometimes, but good enough to be desired by some people sometimes.

Experimenters tried the same setup with a turkish delights once. Things went sideways so fast that they needed to get a talking lion to calm the situation down. Kids were betraying their own siblings even without further prompting or promises of more turkish delights.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#174

Post by desunit »

patrickwalton wrote: post #156
desunit wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I didn't mention race in the post, but culture. I think culture has a significant effect on a person, and to prove my point, I'd refer to the book The Culture Map, which was a revelation for me and explained a lot of things I had noticed while working in a multicultural environment. Genetic factors typically account for about 50% of individual differences in traits like personality, cognition, and psychopathology, le…

Do you have a source for 50% attribution? Studies I've seen suggest single-digit genetic attribution.

Yes, I do. See the following study: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3147063/

Personality: ~40-50% genetic influence

Cognition (IQ): ~50% genetic influence in adulthood

Schizophrenia: Psychopathology: Varies, but mostly <50% genetic influence

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#176

Post by rednafi »

Parenting is one of the hardest things I will probably ever do in my life. I grew up in a middle-class family in SEA, and when I came to the West, I realized what a fantastic job my parents did raising me.

Here, things are quite different. Many upper-middle-class families struggle to provide stability, proper education, and a loving environment—things we always took for granted growing up. This isn't a denigration of Western society. More like an observation of how capitalism has made both parents work like crazy and still feel like they don’t have enough.

It’s not a panacea in the East. We had to deal with overpopulation. Absurd competition in schools, colleges, and universities scarred my childhood. But I'm thankful to my parents for what they endured for me.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#177

Post by nemo44x »

Everyone hate hypocrite and little kids especially hate hypocrites. You really need to be consistent with what you tell them and how your own actions. It’s so easy to mess this up so you need to humble yourself and explain that you’re not perfect either.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#178

Post by desunit »

necovek wrote: post #162
desunit wrote: post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

She is 1.9 years old and anything that looks like food will be bitten. But to tell the truth you even need to wash bananas: pesticide residues (you can transfer chemicals to your hands and then to the editable part), can collect dirt/bacteria/rodent excrement.

Unless your or your kids immune system is compromised, that's probably a bit too much care (we did go to similar lengths with a preemie, but not with our second kid).

Yes, for dirt I wouldn't worry at all... but e.g. rodent excrement is quite dangerous: leptospirosis (kidney damage, meningitis, liver failure), hantavirus, salmonella, LCMV. I know, chances are low but I'd be happy to reduce them as much as possible.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#179

Post by dtgriscom »

TheAlchemist wrote: post #166

"Another thing I’ve noticed is how much modeling matters. My daughter watches everything I do. If I tell her to wait and then lose my patience two seconds later because the internet is slow, what’s the lesson there?" As a father of 3 kids, I can confirm 100% this is true. Once you understand that, your life changes completely. You realize there is somebody in this world, who will model their life after yours. What ki…

You know the world by what you experience. Infants and toddlers have a very small world (mostly their home); whatever that world is like becomes their expected reality.

Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids

#180

Post by [deleted] »

silisili wrote: post #33

I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? The rest is spot on. I became a parent before I was ready, and man, they are little sponges. They learn everything you do, everything you say, embarrassingly so. My 5 year old would lay on the couch to…

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