This post is a perfect reminder of Gandhi’s advice: "Be the change you want to see in the world." We can’t expect kids to trust or wait for better outcomes unless we first model consistency and patience ourselves. Our everyday actions—keeping promises, showing reliability—are the real lessons that shape their future.
Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
131–140 of 424 posts
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#132[deleted]
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#133Earlier quoted context omitted.
The word "young" doesn't even appear in the article, so not sure what you're talking about. The author never once mentions young parents.
> The word "young" doesn't even appear in the article, so not sure what you're talking about. The title of the post we're both commenting on, which reads: "Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids". I was assuming that the title was oddly editorialized, but it's also not that uncommon for articles to change their titles too so it's possible that posting guidelines were followed and it was the…
It was posted by the author I think. I have no idea why they went with the different title. Isn't HN usually pretty strict about titles, to discourage clickbaiting?
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#134Earlier quoted context omitted.
> I feel like this article is good, on the verge of great, then makes cultural comments that invalidate the point trying to be made for no real reason. Is it really for no real reason, though? > Like the race or location of the parent determines their childhood? You might not be aware, but different cultural backgrounds do result in different life experiences. You might have even noticed that that's the whole point o…
I reject that premise. It's completely fine to point out societal norms. Neither were particularly offensive. But assuming a Japanese child will have patience where an American will not is the same weird thought that leads to weird guys wanting Japanese wives for 'obedience.' I'm not at all against pointing out or even flexing cultural differences, but they don't matter at all when raising a child(other than of cours…
(Throwaway as this topic can be inflammatory for those unfamiliar with the literature)
Behavioral patterns and personality traits have been pretty conclusively proven to be genetically inheritable. "Behavioral Genetics and Child Temperament" (Saudino) investigates this, as does "A genome-wide investigation into the underlying genetic architecture of personality traits and overlap with psychopathology" (Priya Gupta, et al).
There's no doubt that nurture and culture play a massive role in one's later personality and behavior as an adult, but it's incorrect to disregard genetics in this conversation. Some people are predisposed to be shy, some people are predisposed to be aggressive. Smart, critical people are able to appreciate genetic differences amongst broad human groups without letting that lead to unsavory viewpoints.
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#135People always use the marshmallow test as a sign that the participant can’t delay gratification. But what if they just understand time-value-of-marshmallow. Sometimes marshmallow now is better than marshmallow later.
There's a lot of things the marshmallow test might signal, but most kids probably aren't spending a lot of time performing cost benefit analysis when faced with the problem. I wouldn't doubt that kids with trust issues would tend to do worse. Certainly the ones with behavioral/executive function/developmental issues do worse than others.
> kids with trust issues would tend to do worse
They don't do worse in the household they live in. They do better because if they waited for the 2nd marshmallow at home then they would end up with nothing.
Better with one bird in the hand right now than waiting for two empty promises.
So many of these psychological tests are based on values in upper-middle-class families. They are not always valid when the parents are drug users or alcoholic.
Kids of alcoholic parents know that most promises are empty promises. You are a fool if you take a "we will go to Disneyland on saturday" promise seriously.
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#136Earlier quoted context omitted.
Its the same type of idiotic comment under any tiktok/short/fb video from any kitchen when chefs work without gloves: „EeW, UsE glOveS!!11“ That tiny amount of dirt wont kill you, but definitely keep your immune system in working order
Plenty of ways to keep my immune system updated providing myself scratches and cuts while mountain biking / trail running, let alone eating snacks while on the trail with my hands absolutely not clean, or by simply breathing in a forest. But ingesting the black residue from exposure to diesel smoke while in transport is not for me, thanks. Feel free to train your immune system to dispatch tar.
Has anyone else seen oranges encrusted with this black residue from diesel smoke? It's not an issue in my country.
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#137> unwashed orange People wash oranges?! Why? You peel the skin off and discard it. Is the worry that if the skin is dirty then you eat the insides with dirty hands after peeling it?! Edit: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43033732
She is 1.9 years old and anything that looks like food will be bitten. But to tell the truth you even need to wash bananas: pesticide residues (you can transfer chemicals to your hands and then to the editable part), can collect dirt/bacteria/rodent excrement.
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#138My mom has this very interesting theory: A parent needs to be by a child's side for the first 6-7 years of their life and devote all their time to it. Which is what she did with me. My dad stepped up for the challenge and provided for both of us. My mom had one goal: to make sure that I'd stay curious. She taught me how to read at the age of 4, signed me up for piano lessons(I haven't played piano at all nearly 3 dec…
How did your siblings do? And where are your cousins now?
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#139I'm not sure why the focus on "young" parents. Consistent parenting is very important at any age. Kids need their parents to be reliable and dependable with clear expectations and boundaries or things can get bad very quickly. Inconsistent and unpredictable parenting is a common factor in children with oppositional defiant disorder and treatment often includes working with the parents as much as working with the chil…
Yes, I mean every parent, but the whole post started with an observation of my youngest child and later expanded to marshmallows, culture, and so on.
Re: Why young parents should focus on building trust with their kids
#140Earlier quoted context omitted.
There are huge variations within a country, but they are far smaller than variations between countries. It seems to be to be a common failing in the west to underestimate just how big differences are between themselves and other cultures. The two cultures I have lived in, despite being Britain and one of its former colonies (and therefore partially anglophone, similar political system, lots of other influences) are q…
Funny you should think there are spain and finland are similar at all.
I did not actually mention either, but they are very similar viewed from a non-western perspective.