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Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

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Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#141

Post by DavidPiper »

chasd00 wrote: post #76
dlisboa wrote: post #71

Coming from a Latin American the idea of re-starting your life across the country for college and then again for work (multiple times sometimes) while away from family and friends is very foreign. A lot of the conversation around modern American youth feeling isolated, lacking socialization and not building strong relationships seems that stem from this drive. Another thing that’s really weird and related is another…

Not sure if it’s just in America but people love to tear others down to lift themselves up by comparison. Once it clicks and you understand what is going on it’s easy to just ignore them.

OT, but it's interesting to hear this about America. Just yesterday I was in a conversation about how that (i.e. Tall Poppy Syndrome, what you're describing) is Australia's defining characteristic, and things are much better in America. But maybe not.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#142

Post by fsckboy »

bodegajed wrote: post #125
wenc wrote: post #6

I would love to, but I come from a place where intellectual pursuits are not valued, so I would lose out on that front if I moved back. I’m the type who needs to always be learning. So I would always need to be in a big city. Alain Bertaud, the urbanist, recently said, “the big contribution of cities is randomness.” And he continues: “You don't know what to expect. You don't know who you will meet. And, it's precisel…

That is true. I would love to have intellectual friends who like the arts, like pottery, writing, and music. I imagine those hobbies to be very affordable. > cultural preference to isolate oneself In retrospect, we, as a society, developed this notion of private property. Consumerism and mass media did this to us. But historically, we did not own much. Someone would hunt and gather, and the elders would stay and look…

consumerism and mass media did not create private property. Scribes didn't write about it that anybody read, and the first printing press was already private property.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#143

Post by aylmao »

wenc wrote: post #6

I would love to, but I come from a place where intellectual pursuits are not valued, so I would lose out on that front if I moved back. I’m the type who needs to always be learning. So I would always need to be in a big city. Alain Bertaud, the urbanist, recently said, “the big contribution of cities is randomness.” And he continues: “You don't know what to expect. You don't know who you will meet. And, it's precisel…

> Alain Bertaud, the urbanist, recently said, “the big contribution of cities is randomness.” And he continues: “You don't know what to expect. You don't know who you will meet. And, it's precisely because you meet people who are different from you, who have different ideas. Sometime even it could be obnoxious people. I think obnoxious people — I mean, what I consider obnoxious — are necessary in order to stimulate.”

I've experienced the opposite too, having lived in both NYC and San Francisco: urban homogeneity, and even monocultures.

Yes, San Francisco is very diverse in the origin of its people, but the people who move there tend to fit certain molds, regardless of their cultural background. New York might attract more varied "types", but the act of moving to NYC still tends to select for a certain socio-economic level, a willingness to make certain sacrifices, people with certain life-goals and expectations, etc.

I surprisingly have found more diverse personalities and ideas in smaller places that are less selective (in price, profession, ideology, etc) to move to or to live in. Places where a software engineer might frequent the same gym as an insurance salesperson, an elementary-school teacher and a tattoo artist, even if (and perhaps because) they're all from there and didn't move in for a job.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#145

Post by CuriousCosmic »

vel0city wrote: post #127
wizzwizz4 wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Villages and small towns exist.

Yeah but on the census is your area rural or urban? Lots of people LARP as rural despite living in an urban area. Big difference between a small town a truly rural. My friend lives in a rural place; it's a full 30min drive to the grocery store on one lane each way highways. There's like six restaurants in 80mi.

You are kind of missing the point. You can have a small rural town where the people in the town generally all live in/around the town but between that town and the next town over might be 1-2 hours.

In that type of small town you still have quick access to your necessities and you can walk to your neighbors' houses but once you get out of the bounds of your small town it might be 30 minutes before you see the next building, an hour to the next small town, and 4-6 hours to the nearest city or large town.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#146

Post by throwingrocks »

wenc wrote: post #6

I would love to, but I come from a place where intellectual pursuits are not valued, so I would lose out on that front if I moved back. I’m the type who needs to always be learning. So I would always need to be in a big city. Alain Bertaud, the urbanist, recently said, “the big contribution of cities is randomness.” And he continues: “You don't know what to expect. You don't know who you will meet. And, it's precisel…

Sorry AI, not taking the bait today.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#147

Post by ryukoposting »

I think it's worth emphasizing that "living near friends" doesn't require "living in a big city." By moving from Chicago to Milwaukee, I grew my friend group, found more social opportunities, and those social opportunities are less of an economic burden. Still a city, but considerably smaller. Big cities can offer great things, but only if you can afford to live in certain neighborhoods. Smaller cities offer many of the same opportunities but with lower financial barrier to entry, and less physical distance between you and the most lively areas.

Alternavely, you have to be willing to spend a lot of time in those neighborhoods, then go back to your home for the night. But, of course, the atrocious public transit system in most American cities means this is a pipe dream for me.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#148

Post by CuriousCosmic »

pnw wrote: post #55
jacobgkau wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> In North America, there is a very strong cultural preference to isolate oneself There's also a "very strong cultural preference" to be "obnoxious," as you put it. Hence a strong preference to isolate oneself. I'd be fine living and raising a family in a high-rise downtown in a country where people behave themselves. Not here in the US. The comparison isn't apples-to-apples.

High density living in a downtown area is inversely correlated with having a family across a wide selection of different countries though. The highest density countries like Korea and Japan have some of the lowest fertility rates. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34914431/

> The highest density countries like Korea and Japan have some of the lowest fertility rates.

I'm going to doubt that's because of density. That's entirely because of toxic aspects of the cultures (especially work and education culture) that make it near impossible to have and raise a child for the first few years of their life.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#149

Post by vel0city »

CuriousCosmic wrote: post #145
vel0city wrote: post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah but on the census is your area rural or urban? Lots of people LARP as rural despite living in an urban area. Big difference between a small town a truly rural. My friend lives in a rural place; it's a full 30min drive to the grocery store on one lane each way highways. There's like six restaurants in 80mi.

You are kind of missing the point. You can have a small rural town where the people in the town generally all live in/around the town but between that town and the next town over might be 1-2 hours. In that type of small town you still have quick access to your necessities and you can walk to your neighbors' houses but once you get out of the bounds of your small town it might be 30 minutes before you see the next bu…

You are kind of missing the point. You can live in a small town that might be 1-2 hours separated by the next town and still not be "rural". You're still living an urban life, not a rural life. It's not like you need your town to be >1M people for it to be "urban". There's small town urban, there's a big city urban, and there's rural.

Do you actually live in a place statistically considered urban or rural? If you have multiple chain restaurants in your town, you're almost assuredly not "rural". If you can see your neighbor's front door, you're probably not rural. If you feel the need to erect a privacy fence so your neighbors can't see you, you're probably not rural.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#150

Post by rauljordan2020 »

dlisboa wrote: post #71

Coming from a Latin American the idea of re-starting your life across the country for college and then again for work (multiple times sometimes) while away from family and friends is very foreign. A lot of the conversation around modern American youth feeling isolated, lacking socialization and not building strong relationships seems that stem from this drive. Another thing that’s really weird and related is another…

I’m from latin america. The world is a vast, beautiful place with stunning, clean cities full of opportunity and serendipity. Either I can explore the world and live in these places, or go back to my dangerous, dirty city to spend the rest of my life there because family lives there. Sometimes it isn’t worth the tradeoff
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