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The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

nytimes.com

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Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#251

Post by winter_blue »

run4yourlives wrote: post #235
joshuacc wrote: post #209

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Personally, I'd find that discussion very interesting. For anyone else who is unfamiliar with the term: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Occultation

Me too. I find it fascinating that pretty much every religion has a messiah theme. The big three of course, but also Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, and ancient religions like the Mayans and Persians. It's such an out there idea - that of a saviour to return to impart perfection - but so prevalent that I'd love to see a more intellectual exploration of the topic.

Now that you mention it, I did once read a book that discussed how the idea of a saviour is present in many cultures (many more than you'd think).

The author was writing from a Christian perspective - he believed humans (in many disjoint cultures) somehow innately come to know their need for their saviour - and he attributes it to God putting it in their heart.

One Polynesian culture that was completely separated from the world for centuries even came up with the idea of the Creator coming to earth in human form and rescuing them.

If you're interested and want to read more, the book's called Eternity in Their Hearts: http://www.amazon.com/ETERNITY-THEIR-HEARTS-RICHARDSON-DON/d...

As I said, it is written from a Christian perspective. I don't know of any books that tackle the same issue from a secular/non-religious viewpoint. Often times it's hard to get purely unbiased opinion, I've skimmed through books by Christopher Hawkins / Richard Dawkins and these simply hate on religion. They actually sound a lot more "religious" (in the sense people use it these days) than you'd think. They're often a tirade of rants against Christianity and religion in general with no call to reason or any honest examination of the deep questions at hand. (meaning of life, problem of evil, ...) I've found C.S. Lewis to be much more intellectually stimulating in this regard. Even though he takes a Christian stance, his reasoning/logic quite dispassionate/unbiased compared to what's out there. (at least in Mere Christianity).

I've also found discussion groups useful in this regard. My college and Church had discussion groups led by professors and department chairs (who were Christians) which turned out to be quite helpful/constructive. I know there's organization called Veritas Forum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veritas_Forum) which tries to bring such discussions to colleges.

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#252

Post by twoodfin »

zem wrote: post #41

something hinted at but not made explicit is the relentless filling of your calendar as you get older. it's simply harder than ever to get together with people on short notice, which is one of the major ways of nurturing nascent friendships.

I agree, and I think there's an opening here for a social networking app. The way I've always imagined it, you and your friends would feed in your free time, activity preferences, which "friends" you actually enjoy spending time with... The back end would be something like a constraint solver combined with a recommendation engine. It would suggest events either independently or triggered by a user: "I'm feeling bored tonight. Does anyone I know want to do anything? Preferably within walking distance of my apartment." That triggers some notifications to check if there's any consensus for a get-together.

The idea is that it's a lot of work and noise to spam all your friends whenever you've got a few free hours, especially since only a small subset of them are likely to be free on short notice. And planning any kind of outing can be a real headache when you have to either accomodate everyone's schedules/preferences or actively exclude them.

You could even monetize it by sponsoring suggestions: "Three of your college friends are interested in getting Mexican tonight. Join them and get 10% off at José's. Want to go?"

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#253

Post by ta12121 »

winter_blue wrote: post #189
tptacek wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's funny that you felt you had to couch the church thing this way. There are more "religious" people on HN than you'd think, but they're mostly closeted. Unlike the real world, where concerns about "a war on Christianity" are entirely hysterical, there is a real intolerance towards it here. Despite incredible advances in connectivity over the last 20 years, I think you'd have a hard time finding thinkers who believ…

If you want really good theology I would recommend Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis: http://www.amazon.com/Mere-Christianity-C-S-Lewis/dp/0060652... I'm a Christian myself and have been one for nearly two two years. I came from a more or less non-religious background growing up and today Christ is of utmost importance in my life displacing everything else. I look forward to ultimate redemption of mankind - basically a…

> I'm a Christian myself and have been one for nearly two two years.

No one preaches more fervently than the newly converted.

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#254

Post by ta12121 »

vijayr wrote: post #105
crusso wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've found it far easier than ever to get dates, but more difficult to make friends That's interesting and kind of profound. I guess when you're arranging dates on match.com, the intention is clear. You're out to meet someone for a relationship. It's the goal. A meetup to discuss Ruby on Rails or something is all about the subject of the meetup. Most are there just to talk about Rails and get help with a bug, not to…

I've found it far easier than ever to get dates, but more difficult to make friends People have ridiculously high standards for friendships than dates. This sounds weird, even writing it, but I've found it to be true again and again. Many many people would have no problems dating absolute jerks, but wouldn't hang out for 15 minutes with a genuinely nice person (of the same gender). May be people are just desperate to…

May be people are just desperate to hang out have sex with with people of opposite gender

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#255

Post by saraid216 »

einhverfr wrote: post #199
zerostar07 wrote: post #185

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the examples you mention would fall into the sphere of "acquaintances" or "family friends" or "connections" or "not enemies" today (in the business or strategic sense). We are talking about actual close friends, comrades, (BFFs if u want) here.

I don't think that's all though. Case in point, read the Old English poem "The Wanderer" (ideally in Old English but if necessary in translation) and remember that the relationship the narrator is lamenting is this sort of relationship. The point is that gifts tie us together. As one person said, "obligations unite us, debts drive us apart." The idea that you give money and there is some sort of a moral obligation to…

If we're going to be Old English, there'a a damn more about the nature of hospitality and guest-right that's important to know.

Back then, these things were evidence that the other guy wasn't going to knife you in your sleep.

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#256

Post by mcguire »

PakG1 wrote: post #194
sliverstorm wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

the only reason anyone would want to be around Steve is because of the money, the power and the fame? You completely miss the point- it isn't that nobody could like Steve as a person. It's that, how can Steve tell who likes Steve and who just likes Steve's money?

That test really only happens in truly-down-in-the-dumps or life-and-death situations.

That would kinda be the point.

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#257

Post by winter_blue »

joshuacc wrote: post #209
plinkplonk wrote: post #191

Earlier quoted context omitted.

ugh the last thing we want - Christian (or any other religion for that matter) dogma and evangelization on HN. What's next? A discussion of the Occultation of the Hidden Imam? This stuff on HN needs flagging.

Personally, I'd find that discussion very interesting. For anyone else who is unfamiliar with the term: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Occultation

PG talks about the kind of response plinkplonk came up with in "What You Can't Say": (http://www.paulgraham.com/say.html)

We have such labels today, of course, quite a lot of them, from the all-purpose "inappropriate" to the dreaded "divisive." In any period, it should be easy to figure out what such labels are, simply by looking at what people call ideas they disagree with besides untrue. When a politician says his opponent is mistaken, that's a straightforward criticism, but when he attacks a statement as "divisive" or "racially insensitive" instead of arguing that it's false, we should start paying attention.

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#258

Post by tomjen3 »

run4yourlives wrote: post #235
joshuacc wrote: post #209

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Personally, I'd find that discussion very interesting. For anyone else who is unfamiliar with the term: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Occultation

Me too. I find it fascinating that pretty much every religion has a messiah theme. The big three of course, but also Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, and ancient religions like the Mayans and Persians. It's such an out there idea - that of a saviour to return to impart perfection - but so prevalent that I'd love to see a more intellectual exploration of the topic.

I am not familiar with those religions, but aren't they monotheistic?

Because I don't recall Old Norse mythology as having any saviors (though the gods were supposed to fight the evils after Ragnarok).

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#259

Post by mcguire »

Retric wrote: post #240
tptacek wrote: post #218

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not a fan of overt proselytizing on message boards, but you realize that calling religion a "deep psychosis" is its own form of proselytizing? What I had hoped to convey with my original comment was: * Religion used to play a powerful role in people's social lives, and does so less now, and perhaps the fear of losing those social connections drives some of mainstream evangelical Christianity's defensiveness. * 'd…

To clarify, I did not say that religion was a "deep psychosis" rather the overlap from the set of crazy people AND the set of religious people make religious discussions on an open form problematic. It's not hard to find crazy nut job Atheists. My point is when you find a crazy nut job Atheist it's better for most people including Atheists to avoid the topic. PS: Now, I did suggest backing up an argument with a lot o…

"Backing up an argument with a lot of religious [references]" is one thing. Backing up a casual comment with a lot of anything references. is another.

Re: The Challenge of Making Friends as an Adult

#260

Post by gcr »

PakG1 wrote: post #194
sliverstorm wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

the only reason anyone would want to be around Steve is because of the money, the power and the fame? You completely miss the point- it isn't that nobody could like Steve as a person. It's that, how can Steve tell who likes Steve and who just likes Steve's money?

That test really only happens in truly-down-in-the-dumps or life-and-death situations.

How so?
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