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The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

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Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#221

Post by vector_spaces »

asdf6969 wrote: post #217
thayne wrote: post #178

This feels like the author has made the assumption that since they are an introvert, all introverts are like them. However, I think that introversion, like most things is a continuum, not binary. Take the characterization of introverts in the article: "They would rather sit in front of the computer than go out during the yearly college social fest." For me it isn't just a matter of "I'd rather be in front of a comput…

This is mental illness not introversion. You don’t get anxious about other things you don’t like. You might not enjoy playing board games or Russian literature. Does it stress you out and make you anxious? Probably not. You just don’t care.

I'll suggest to you that the boundaries between introversion vs mental illness are probably quite blurred in some cases.

And although it may seem ridiculous to you, there are people for whom board games and Russian literature are pretty stressful and anxiety inducing in the same way that public speaking is stressful for many people.

If you had also included math in your list of frequently disliked subjects, then it might be less ridiculous an idea

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#222

Post by xlii »

I don’t find article interesting at all. I agree with others that it’s full of gaps and „sound advice”.

Subject is interesting though and I, as person that naturally is introvert I can attest that avoidance doesn’t help. Negative effects doesn’t come suddenly, but after working remotely for 15+ years and mentoring many in similar situation I am sure that sooner or later bliss of solitude develops into non fun, hard to fix conditions.

But then what author describes at start isn’t an introvert/extrovert/shy or anxious person. It’s an obstructionist, a naysayer. Someone who always have an argument for not doing something.

I avoid such people and either remove from or leave teams where it’s impossible. Maybe they have reasons for being bad apples, but that’s not my job to fix it.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#223

Post by jeffrallen »

This is a profound misunderstanding of introversion. An introvert may choose to develop and use the skills of social connection that come naturally to an extrovert. But at what cost? If the situation demands extroverted behavior, then do it, fine. But the introvert pays a cost to recharge and come back to whatever equilibrium is normal for them. If the cost/benefit does not work out, an introvert can and should make the choice to exhibit introverted behaviors.

Being an introvert who is capable of extroverted behaviors, I always felt confused about the question, "Are you an introvert or an extrovert?" It became clear to me when I read an explanation that went like this: After a dinner party where you meet some new people are you left energized or exhausted? If you're exhausted it is because you're an introvert.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#225

Post by robertlagrant »

smsm42 wrote: post #187
thayne wrote: post #178

This feels like the author has made the assumption that since they are an introvert, all introverts are like them. However, I think that introversion, like most things is a continuum, not binary. Take the characterization of introverts in the article: "They would rather sit in front of the computer than go out during the yearly college social fest." For me it isn't just a matter of "I'd rather be in front of a comput…

That's one thing I noticed - the author doesn't say "would you like me to introduce you to X who you could talk to about Y?". He says "hey, go talk to that guy" and thinks he's being kind. He's not. What Aditya could be hearing is "you're some kind of loser, there are so many obvious things any normal person would do, and you are doing none of them. Let me list some ways in which you are a loser. For example, you cou…

This doesn't seem to relate much to the parent comment. The idea of someone introducing you to someone else at a party is them helping.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#226

Post by cdrini »

zeroonetwothree wrote: post #202
onemoresoop wrote: post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Pressure to be social is like pressure to stay fit. If you don’t put any effort it atrophies.

Unlike being fit, being social doesn't have any inherent benefit in terms of health. It's merely a preference.

That's not quite true, social isolation has been shown to be correlated with an increased risk of dementia and cognitive impairment in older age. And I reckon there are other studies that show correlations with other health outcomes.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#227

Post by brnt »

thayne wrote: post #178

This feels like the author has made the assumption that since they are an introvert, all introverts are like them. However, I think that introversion, like most things is a continuum, not binary. Take the characterization of introverts in the article: "They would rather sit in front of the computer than go out during the yearly college social fest." For me it isn't just a matter of "I'd rather be in front of a comput…

What I miss in these discussions is the "now what". OK, we are all born with different innate preferences, skills, interests, weaknesses.

We live in a world. In that world certain interfaces are virtually required to be implemented. Sure, some advocacy for the different is OK too, but meanwhile self-isolation is just not going to work for most. Also, we all are already learning tons that are based on our instance of the world, nobody would solve or create businesses if it were for pure intrinsic motivation.

How are we improving our weak spots? I sure as hell am going to put energy there, and not waste it all on moping, even further specialisation. Well, maybe those too, but after I spent some effort in addressing point I can identify are weaknesses for my functioning in the world I find myself in.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#228

Post by riffraff »

> The second challenge is the misconception that communication should be natural and effortless. While the reality is, it takes effort to communicate and drains energy for everyone.

Yeah, no. It's 100% effortless for me to communicate with people I'm familiar with, and a massive effort to talk to people I don't know or are mere acquaintances. For my wife it is not only effortless but a massive energy boost to interact with a person whether they know them or not.

I think the author says some right things but vastly over generalizes.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#230

Post by ironhaven »

tapland wrote: post #144
sabellito wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Absolutely bizarre that you're being downvoted. Having panic attacks is not a normal reaction to any normal human situation, gp absolutely should look for medical and psychological help.

So if the person has, let’s say, autism, and will not be able to endure this for longer than a few hours before becoming completely overwhelmed. What do you want these people to do, since they aren’t allowed to respond how they might do? When and where are they welcome in society?

Hello, person with autism here. If I am tasked with social interaction for too many hours I may no longer be able to focus on people. I may zone out and in order to get into focus someone may have to bother me in an uncomfortable way. This could, depending on the person who is on the autism spectrum, escalate to physical violence in an extreme scenario.

I don’t think this describes “a panic attack”. I think “completely overwhelmed” is a real thing to be accommodated and is separate from a social anxiety triggered panic attack

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