181–190 of 473 posts
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It’s a spectrum - most of us are ambiverts.
I'm not convinced it's a single dimension, either. I suspect it's less a spectrum and more of a blotch.
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I don’t think it’s so simple. Brains are complicated and everyone is different.
That’s fine but how people term introvert to be reclusive is inaccurate.
This feels like the author has made the assumption that since they are an introvert, all introverts are like them. However, I think that introversion, like most things is a continuum, not binary. Take the characterization of introverts in the article: "They would rather sit in front of the computer than go out during the yearly college social fest." For me it isn't just a matter of "I'd rather be in front of a comput…
> And the idea of approaching and talking to someone I don't know fills me with terror. I think this is social anxiety and not to be confused with introversion.
And I used an extreme example. In general, among introverts, some have a high tolerance for social interactions, some have a very low tolerance and there are people everywhere in between. Or to use the terminology of introverts having to expend energy to interact with other people, you could say different people have different fuel efficiencies.
Small talk: I often don’t know what to say and end up saying the wrong thing. Prolonged small talk makes my mind feel numb, like I need to retreat and recharge. So I try to avoid it if possible.
Problem-solving mode: When I’m focused on solving a problem, I’m physically present but mentally somewhere else. I try to engage in the conversation but can’t fully tune in, leading to goof ups which I regret later.
This feels like the author has made the assumption that since they are an introvert, all introverts are like them. However, I think that introversion, like most things is a continuum, not binary. Take the characterization of introverts in the article: "They would rather sit in front of the computer than go out during the yearly college social fest." For me it isn't just a matter of "I'd rather be in front of a comput…
At the end of the day, none of these terminologies matter... These labels are just "models" of how we see ourselves. I agree with the sentiment that premature self-labeling is dangerous. Because they tend to become self-fulfilling prophecies. (e.g. I'm not good at math, I'm a nerd, I'm good at hockey, I'm INTJ, I'm an introvert).
I regularly say yes to work dinners and such that I don’t personally want to attend. That sort of thing is far outside my comfort zone, and that’s exactly why I do it. It’s good exercise to pretend to be outgoing and chatty for an evening. Like any other skill, you get better at it with practice! And the author here is so right: almost everyone else at these things besides the salespeople are probably also introverts…
> Like any other skill, you get better at it with practice! Johnny Carson was an introvert. [0] If he could be a professional-calibre conversationalist, then I refuse to believe most introverted people can't at least reach the passable cocktail party level. [0] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Carson#Personal_life
This of course makes for easy straw man arguments to the effect of "Everyone is the same at the core" and "Extroversion is a skill" and "Everyone feels drained". If you honestly think that, then these words are meaningless.
I had a similar conversation with a friend the other night about smiling, where she said "you just pull up things in your mind that naturally make you happy, and then that makes you smile naturally." Once again, not for some of us. For some of us, our natural state LOOKS very unnatural to others. Every interaction requires putting on a facade, because for some reason our natural pose, facial movements, body movements, how we talk, how we smile - ALL of it must be done in a very artificial way in order to "look natural".
And THAT is why it's so draining, akin to squatting on one leg. Sure, you can train it so that you could even do it for 20 minutes instead of 4, but evenually it's just too much and you need to retreat to a safe place where you can relax your stiff muscles and behave normally for awhile (except for the small group of friends with whom you can just be normal).
And if squatting on one leg were the only way you could emotionally reach those you talk to, you'd do it sparingly - only where it has the most impact.