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Why making friends as an adult is harder

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Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#31

Post by diggan »

PittleyDunkin wrote: post #18
prhn wrote: post #10

I've made more friends more easily in my 40s than any other time in my life, and I'm a relatively quiet and disagreeable person. Making connections with people you're around frequently is easy. The problem is that adult life doesn't throw you into those situations post-college outside of work. Now it's on you. Find a group. Sports are the easiest. You will absolutely make strong, long lasting friendships if you play…

> Find a group. This is obviously great advice, but most groups don't organically sprout around interests. Sports, especially, are something that I have a very difficult time imagining enjoying. And with the slow enshittification of meetup, where do you find these groups? Your local library?

> Sports, especially, are something that I have a very difficult time imagining enjoying

There is a wide range of sports :) My mom always tried to force me into team sports like football, hockey and alike, which never really was my thing. But as an adult, I enjoy things like skiing, water-sports, table-tennis and a bunch of other sports, that I see less like "sports" but more like "enjoyable activities", but also really makes it easy to meet people with similar interests :)

Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#32

Post by jimt1234 »

I came to California, in part, because my family in the Midwest is a bunch of Jesus freaks - not the "love thy neighbor" kind, more like the "God hates fags" kind. So when a girlfriend (in California) invited me to her church for some volunteer work, I went prepared to hate on everyone. However, I was blown away, as they were the nicest people I'd ever met in my life. They all went out of their way to help one another, just to be helpful, not to destroy the "gay agenda" or "save the unborn" or whatever. No one preached to me, no warnings about burning in hell.

My point is that, love it or hate it, church can be a great way to meet good people. I'm still anti-religion, anti-church, although a bit less. But I can't deny the social support church can provide.

Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#33

Post by neom »

For me it went something like: I'm lonely > try to make friends > it's hard, but wait I already have friends > try to reconnect with old friends > for various reasons old friends don't want to/can't be friends > try to make new friends > wait I want my old friends > not going to happen > volunteering

Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#34

Post by Freak_NL »

jimt1234 wrote: post #32

I came to California, in part, because my family in the Midwest is a bunch of Jesus freaks - not the "love thy neighbor" kind, more like the "God hates fags" kind. So when a girlfriend (in California) invited me to her church for some volunteer work, I went prepared to hate on everyone. However, I was blown away, as they were the nicest people I'd ever met in my life. They all went out of their way to help one anothe…

That's nice and all, but when you don't believe in their god, it becomes rather awkward.

Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#35

Post by technothrasher »

PittleyDunkin wrote: post #18
prhn wrote: post #10

I've made more friends more easily in my 40s than any other time in my life, and I'm a relatively quiet and disagreeable person. Making connections with people you're around frequently is easy. The problem is that adult life doesn't throw you into those situations post-college outside of work. Now it's on you. Find a group. Sports are the easiest. You will absolutely make strong, long lasting friendships if you play…

> Find a group. This is obviously great advice, but most groups don't organically sprout around interests. Sports, especially, are something that I have a very difficult time imagining enjoying. And with the slow enshittification of meetup, where do you find these groups? Your local library?

I’ve found most of my new friends in my 50’s by going to little local museums that interest me, such as a small clock museum and a military history museum, and inserting myself into them by volunteering to help out.

Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#36

Post by rqtwteye »

jimt1234 wrote: post #32

I came to California, in part, because my family in the Midwest is a bunch of Jesus freaks - not the "love thy neighbor" kind, more like the "God hates fags" kind. So when a girlfriend (in California) invited me to her church for some volunteer work, I went prepared to hate on everyone. However, I was blown away, as they were the nicest people I'd ever met in my life. They all went out of their way to help one anothe…

I am sometimes jealous of religious people. They have a clear vision of the meaning of life and churches give them a social group they can join.

Us atheists don’t really have something like that.

Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#37

Post by onemoresoop »

jimt1234 wrote: post #32

I came to California, in part, because my family in the Midwest is a bunch of Jesus freaks - not the "love thy neighbor" kind, more like the "God hates fags" kind. So when a girlfriend (in California) invited me to her church for some volunteer work, I went prepared to hate on everyone. However, I was blown away, as they were the nicest people I'd ever met in my life. They all went out of their way to help one anothe…

Whatever fosters a good healthy community is good, and church does play a role but as you state it’s not always positive and healthy. It’s good to know they’re not a uniform monolith and if you don’t find one you like you should keep on looking.

Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#38

Post by krapp »

rqtwteye wrote: post #36
jimt1234 wrote: post #32

I came to California, in part, because my family in the Midwest is a bunch of Jesus freaks - not the "love thy neighbor" kind, more like the "God hates fags" kind. So when a girlfriend (in California) invited me to her church for some volunteer work, I went prepared to hate on everyone. However, I was blown away, as they were the nicest people I'd ever met in my life. They all went out of their way to help one anothe…

I am sometimes jealous of religious people. They have a clear vision of the meaning of life and churches give them a social group they can join. Us atheists don’t really have something like that.

Skill issue.

Plenty of atheists are capable of finding both meaning in life and social groups to join.

Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#39

Post by NordSteve »

PittleyDunkin wrote: post #18
prhn wrote: post #10

I've made more friends more easily in my 40s than any other time in my life, and I'm a relatively quiet and disagreeable person. Making connections with people you're around frequently is easy. The problem is that adult life doesn't throw you into those situations post-college outside of work. Now it's on you. Find a group. Sports are the easiest. You will absolutely make strong, long lasting friendships if you play…

> Find a group. This is obviously great advice, but most groups don't organically sprout around interests. Sports, especially, are something that I have a very difficult time imagining enjoying. And with the slow enshittification of meetup, where do you find these groups? Your local library?

Go mentor a high school robotics team, or volunteer to help run events. It's 100% sports, minus the athletic dimension. I see tons of lifetime friendships being made.

Re: Why making friends as an adult is harder

#40

Post by someothherguyy »

taneq wrote: post #15
someothherguyy wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Generalizing all humans experiencing difficulty socializing as adults as lazy is an oversimplification at best.

I don't think that's exactly what they were saying. I read it more like "people who divide life into work-that-you-should-pour-your-energy-into and recovery-where-you-try-not-to-spend-energy", and that maybe we should pour less of our energy into work and use that energy for socialising (which can result in an overall net energy gain).

You have more generous eyes than my best, but saying things like, get off your butt, stop binging, and its that easy, is pretty analogous to common discourse where the blame is placed on motivation alone.
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