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Always go to the funeral (2005)

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Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#291

Post by mmooss »

elvis10ten wrote: post #76

Personal opinion: I find funerals to be a waste of time and money. Especially, coming from a culture where they are a big event. People spend enormous money on funerals —- money that they wouldn’t help you with while you are alive and struggling. Maybe attending one in a less flamboyant culture will change my mind. But I wish more people in general don’t wait for terminal events to do or say nice things.

Memorial rituals are universal to every human culture. It's a need in (almost) all of us.

> ... I wish more people in general don’t wait for terminal events to do or say nice things.

I agree, but whatever you did earlier, that's not a reason to not do something now.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#292

Post by maleldil »

CooCooCaCha wrote: post #280
Forgeties79 wrote: post #275

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you could use a little more generosity in your very cold, uninformed interpretation of this person.

[flagged]

I'm not taking the perspective of anyone here because there's hardly any information for me to do that. You're the one that has constructed this whole scenario in your mind based off very little from OP's post.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#293

Post by wvlia5 »

bowsamic wrote: post #290
wvlia5 wrote: post #288

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A yes, but it's odd to me that other people want me to be at a funeral with them. If we have a great relationship, I can lend you money, share my house, get you a date, do some errands for you, take you to a party, listen to your thoughts and give you feedback. All valuable things I can do for you regardless of my funeral attendance. But just standing at a funeral? I don't see how is that valuable. Maybe for the chat…

Do you have a social disorder of some kind? I feel that to most humans this is just immediately obvious and socially natural

Maybe I do.

Is it most? I don't know.

And do most do it because their emotions and values give them this urge, or is it that they want to fit their social circle or comply with their cultural norms? I dont know

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#294

Post by mulmen »

jacobgkau wrote: post #285
mulmen wrote: post #268

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I think there's an epidemic of uncaring going on in the world right now. That’s like, your opinion man. You are in control of that. Such a negative view is a choice . You can focus on something positive instead. Our connected world allows families to stay in touch with almost zero friction. I get multiple updates weekly on my nieces and nephews even though they live hundreds of miles away. I have hundreds of photos…

> I think the hyper-connectivity of always-on internet-based and smartphone-based stuff just overwhelms our capacity to care, but that's purely a theory. GP stated explicitly they have a theory about something that is causing people to behave differently. You can call that an opinion if you'd like. You can not believe the theory and instead blame that person's "choice," which is also "your opinion man." Your anecdote…

> GP stated explicitly they have a theory about something that is causing people to behave differently.

Yes and I disagree that connectivity is inherently negative or even overwhelming.

> You can call that an opinion if you'd like.

This “theory” is totally unsubstantiated so is no more than an opinion.

> You can not believe the theory and instead blame that person's "choice," which is also "your opinion man."

Yes. That’s exactly what I did.

> Your anecdote isn't very relevant to the theory in a thread full of people talking to the contrary.

I don’t find the volume of an argument compelling.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#295

Post by seanhunter »

maleldil wrote: post #252
CooCooCaCha wrote: post #249

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

You have zero context other than what they said. What about withholding judgement about things you know nothing about before saying people are bad? The full story is likely much more complex.

Yes. To start with my mum lives on her own since my dad died not long before this, has macular degeneration so is going blind, and seeing her brother required a trip of 8 hours or do each way. Not a trivial undertaking.

She also wasn’t seriously thinking about not going, just needed a bit of extra encouragement.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#296

Post by freedomben »

mulmen wrote: post #268
freedomben wrote: post #211

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Indeed, anecdotally I think there's an epidemic of uncaring going on in the world right now. I think the hyper-connectivity of always-on internet-based and smartphone-based stuff just overwhelms our capacity to care, but that's purely a theory.

> I think there's an epidemic of uncaring going on in the world right now. That’s like, your opinion man. You are in control of that. Such a negative view is a choice . You can focus on something positive instead. Our connected world allows families to stay in touch with almost zero friction. I get multiple updates weekly on my nieces and nephews even though they live hundreds of miles away. I have hundreds of photos…

Of course there are positives for being hyper connected. That doesn't mean there aren't going to be any negatives. Furthermore, choosing to ignore them won't make them magically go away.

There are big positives about having an abundance of food, but along with that we get type 2 diabetes and plenty of other health problems. Trying to understand the cause of these health problems does not mean one wishes to return to an era of widespread starvation and malnutrition. I suppose you have the same criticism for the doctors who began theorizing that an excess of carbs/sugar was causing problems? After all, plenty of people enjoy sugary desserts and lots of families get quality time together eating them around the dinner table. I don't see why those doctors had to choose to have such a negative view. Ignoring the problem would have been better, no?

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#297

Post by nytesky »

jll29 wrote: post #151
nytesky wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We had a similar issue. We ended up at a funeral for our daughter’s teacher (we brought the kids as she knew all of them), and somehow ended up in the family greeting line intended for close friends and family. It felt so intrusive and they were like “why are you here”. The cherry on top was our youngest started getting restless during service and we had to leave early and we didn’t sit in the back. I had only been t…

To ask "why are you here?" suggests these people were poorly raised or just plain rude. Attendees of a funeral make an effort to pay their respects to the deceased and to express their condolences to the family left behind.

I mean those weren’t the exact words. They were very gracious, but it was clear we had goofed and intruded.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#298

Post by bluGill »

mulmen wrote: post #273
bluGill wrote: post #167

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Speaking at a funeral like that is an odd custom. Note that custom for funerals comes from the local culture and customs of how previous funerals are run. So that it isn't to you is just a reflection on your culture, other people come from different cultures where such a thing is not normal and because it is not normal- for their culture - it harms their meditations which would be done in the way they have grown up d…

> Speaking at a funeral like that is an odd custom. According to you. I’d be surprised if such an opportunity wasn’t presented. > As such I'm not making a statement of right and wrong for your culture, Except to call it odd. > only that in OPs culture it is wrong and so asking for someone to speak like that was in fact wrong on the part of whoever asked. You brought up culture. This was clearly a case of an open mic.…

> According to you

No, according to what happened in that instance. If this was normal in the culture of that family someone would have gone to the mic.

Do not confuse my culture with the culture in question.

> I’d be surprised if such an opportunity wasn’t presented.

Which is a reflection on your culture.

> Except to call it odd

Again, odd in terms of that one particular culture.

> This was clearly a case of an open mic

A case of open mic in a cultural situation where an open mic was not supposed to happen.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#299

Post by mulmen »

freedomben wrote: post #296
mulmen wrote: post #268

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I think there's an epidemic of uncaring going on in the world right now. That’s like, your opinion man. You are in control of that. Such a negative view is a choice . You can focus on something positive instead. Our connected world allows families to stay in touch with almost zero friction. I get multiple updates weekly on my nieces and nephews even though they live hundreds of miles away. I have hundreds of photos…

Of course there are positives for being hyper connected. That doesn't mean there aren't going to be any negatives. Furthermore, choosing to ignore them won't make them magically go away. There are big positives about having an abundance of food, but along with that we get type 2 diabetes and plenty of other health problems. Trying to understand the cause of these health problems does not mean one wishes to return to…

> Of course there are positives for being hyper connected. That doesn't mean there aren't going to be any negatives. Furthermore, choosing to ignore them won't make them magically go away.

I agree with you that always on communication can be overwhelming. When that communication is negative it affects our emotions negatively. So why continue to add negativity? That’s the choice.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#300

Post by dang »

CooCooCaCha wrote: post #249
seanhunter wrote: post #184

Earlier quoted context omitted.

^ this. Also, don't allow yourself to be put off by the idea that you don't know what to say or whatever. Just go. If you think it's hard for you it's doubly hard for the person who is dying and noone is visiting them because they don't know what to say. My cousin was in hospital dying of cancer. I spoke to my mum and she said she wasn't sure what to say etc, so she ended up not going. I went. I said to him "hey this…

[flagged]

Please don't cross into personal attack like this. These are sensitive, emotional topics. I'm sure you have good reason to feel the way you do, but so do the others, and blasting someone else for posting from a different point of view (let alone blasting their mother) is not ok here.

If you wouldn't mind reviewing https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and taking the intended spirit of the site more to heart, we'd be grateful.

Edit: we've had to ask you this before - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=41803731. If you can't or don't want to respect the site guidelines, we're going to have to ban you, but I'd rather not do that, so it would be better if you'd please recalibrate.

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