For many of us here a corollary is:
Always get on the plane. Make the trip. Weddings. Baptisms. Graduations. Funerals. All of it. Even if going home is hard.
Always go to the funeral (2005)
261–270 of 322 posts
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#262Please visit people when they are still alive. My aunt was alone for the last three years of her live, up to 94 years old. She had almost no visitors, and was not able to go out by herself. I went there about every week, and was always the only visitor. Then came the funeral, with well over 400 people there, and around 200 people at the coffee table after the funeral. And I was like: Where the hell were you guys the…
People didn't go to visit her while being alive because they genuinely didn't care about her, or didn't care enough to bother to visit. They showed up in a funeral not because of her, but because they were afraid of what others would say about them if they didn't show up. This is the sad reality of human behaviour in this day and age.
I really don't think that's true. It's combination of a couple of things.
1. Life is busy, it's hard to find time, and easy to put off 2. They are anxious about what to say, and it really sucks going to places where people die. 3. There are a lot of people who show up to funerals because they are trying to support the friends and family of the deceased and don't really have any relationship with the deceased. My friends parents for instance. I don't really feel an obligation to visit my friends parent's I barely know, but would want to show up to the funeral to support my friends.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#263People don’t think about death enough. Be ready to go at any moment. Are you at work? Take a moment, and pretend your partner, mom, dad, or child’s last time speaking to you forever was the last time you chatted.
What comes to mind? Do you wish you had said/done something? Take action before it’s too late.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#264Please visit people when they are still alive. My aunt was alone for the last three years of her live, up to 94 years old. She had almost no visitors, and was not able to go out by herself. I went there about every week, and was always the only visitor. Then came the funeral, with well over 400 people there, and around 200 people at the coffee table after the funeral. And I was like: Where the hell were you guys the…
1000x this. I was fortunate & got to spend the terminal 3mo of my father's life staying with him. He didn't want a funeral at all. His perspective, "If you can't visit me while I'm still alive & have time, then don't bother." Seeing his friends & family visit was touching.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#265As a kid, I went to so many funerals, I remember I started somewhat liking it. I grew up in Eastern Europe. My grandmother was a devoted christian with a lot of community work around church events. As a kid my parents would leave me often with her for the holidays. She took me with her to pretty much every funeral that was happening in the town, since she had to attend. It sounds crazy but these events were large soc…
As I understand it, there are a number of cultures where funerals are somewhat celebrations, rather than sad moments. Of course, everyone is sad to lose a friend, but you can change your perspective a bit, you can make a big difference in how things feel
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#266Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#267Earlier quoted context omitted.
^ this. Also, don't allow yourself to be put off by the idea that you don't know what to say or whatever. Just go. If you think it's hard for you it's doubly hard for the person who is dying and noone is visiting them because they don't know what to say. My cousin was in hospital dying of cancer. I spoke to my mum and she said she wasn't sure what to say etc, so she ended up not going. I went. I said to him "hey this…
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Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#268Earlier quoted context omitted.
People didn't go to visit her while being alive because they genuinely didn't care about her, or didn't care enough to bother to visit. They showed up in a funeral not because of her, but because they were afraid of what others would say about them if they didn't show up. This is the sad reality of human behaviour in this day and age.
Indeed, anecdotally I think there's an epidemic of uncaring going on in the world right now. I think the hyper-connectivity of always-on internet-based and smartphone-based stuff just overwhelms our capacity to care, but that's purely a theory.
> I think there's an epidemic of uncaring going on in the world right now.
That’s like, your opinion man. You are in control of that. Such a negative view is a choice. You can focus on something positive instead.
Our connected world allows families to stay in touch with almost zero friction. I get multiple updates weekly on my nieces and nephews even though they live hundreds of miles away.
I have hundreds of photos and videos at my fingertips.
I only get two or three in person visits a year. Connectivity is our only way to maintain… connection.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#269I seriously regret not seeing my aunt when she was dying, though I went to the funeral.
A memory ill never forget though is the time I went to a funeral for a childhood friends sister - it was extremely sad as you would expect, but her brother (my childhood friend) saw a big group of us there and he said "I cant believe it, everyone came out" and I could see he was really happy.
When the article said "do it for the family" it really hit me, and in hindsight its obvious - we were there for them, not the deceased, and it meant A LOT to them to see us there.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#270Earlier quoted context omitted.
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You have zero context other than what they said. What about withholding judgement about things you know nothing about before saying people are bad? The full story is likely much more complex.
She had the same reaction to two different people dying. So either she has a complicated relationship with both the cousin and brother or she’s the problem.
I put my money on the mother because people do weak stuff like that all the time. Can’t get over a little awkwardness to do the right thing because people aren’t self aware and fragile.