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Always go to the funeral (2005)

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Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#191

Post by anshulbhide »

cobbaut wrote: post #177

Please visit people when they are still alive. My aunt was alone for the last three years of her live, up to 94 years old. She had almost no visitors, and was not able to go out by herself. I went there about every week, and was always the only visitor. Then came the funeral, with well over 400 people there, and around 200 people at the coffee table after the funeral. And I was like: Where the hell were you guys the…

Yes. I just found out that my favourite teacher from school passed away today.

I've been meaning to visit her for the past five years, but never got around to it - and now never will.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#193

Post by miroljub »

cobbaut wrote: post #177

Please visit people when they are still alive. My aunt was alone for the last three years of her live, up to 94 years old. She had almost no visitors, and was not able to go out by herself. I went there about every week, and was always the only visitor. Then came the funeral, with well over 400 people there, and around 200 people at the coffee table after the funeral. And I was like: Where the hell were you guys the…

People didn't go to visit her while being alive because they genuinely didn't care about her, or didn't care enough to bother to visit.

They showed up in a funeral not because of her, but because they were afraid of what others would say about them if they didn't show up.

This is the sad reality of human behaviour in this day and age.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#194

Post by BurningFrog »

sgt101 wrote: post #102

I had a friend who died young, I was young as well. I went to his funeral and there was an opportunity to speak about him and our memories of him. No one stood up to speak. It was awful. I wanted to stand up and say he was a good friend, and to say I would miss him, but I didn't. I've regretted that ever since - 30 years now, and I think about it frequently.

Public speaking isn't for everyone. Especially at such a sensitive occasion.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#195

Post by pessimizer »

wvlia5 wrote: post #113

Losing relationships to death feels strangely not bad to me. Losing relationships for other reasons that shouldn't happen, like fights, feels bad. It's like eating a cake. You eat and at some point there will be no more cake, and you can rest content. But if the cake falls to the floor while you are eating, it's sad.

Be careful, or they'll lock you up. The appropriate reaction to death has been determined, and deviations are considered at best a form of mental illness, and at worst a form of terrorism.

The appropriate reaction is the wailing and gnashing of teeth, an enormous amount of discussion, imitating as closely as possible the dress and decor of previous death gatherings that you have references to, varnishing, buttressing, and putting makeup on the corpse so that it looks alive, then looking at it longingly. If you don't do this you're a psychopath.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#196

Post by m3kw9 »

sgt101 wrote: post #102

I had a friend who died young, I was young as well. I went to his funeral and there was an opportunity to speak about him and our memories of him. No one stood up to speak. It was awful. I wanted to stand up and say he was a good friend, and to say I would miss him, but I didn't. I've regretted that ever since - 30 years now, and I think about it frequently.

Saying it won’t matter, it’s in your heart

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#197

Post by [deleted] »

anal_reactor wrote: post #99
aantix wrote: post #11

There's been a lot more reflective, humanity stories on HN. Or maybe I'm just noticing more. I've been on HN since 2007. There was that story a few weeks ago with the aging parents and their daughter that took a picture of them waving goodbye, each year she visited. I like these stories. It gives me pause and to wonder what it's all been for. Probably for my kids. My second oldest (9) loves creating levels in Geometr…

There are three groups of people on HN: - kids who just graduated and realize that they've been told lies and need some life advice - midlife crisis - retirees who can see the death slowly approaching and reevaluate their lives in panic

[deleted]

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#198

Post by coldpie »

mooreds wrote: post #7

Wholeheartedly agree with both the nominal and underlying advice here. Doing the right thing all the time is painful, tedious and can cost you. But doing the wrong thing will cost you too. Both compound. The literal advice about going to the funeral is about showing up for people who meant something to you. There are only a few special times in your life when you get to see a large chunk of other people's important p…

> Just do it.

I've tried, man. I'm deeply uncomfortable in social situations, and events with lots of wacky, nonsense traditions and rules that I don't understand makes things exponentially worse. Going to events like weddings and graduations makes me utterly miserable. I feel like shit for days before & afterwards, and I always regret going for months & years afterwards. I guess there's a chance someone there is glad I'm off being miserable in a corner, but I doubt it. So I've mostly stopped going to these things.

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#199

Post by jjw1414 »

anal_reactor wrote: post #99
aantix wrote: post #11

There's been a lot more reflective, humanity stories on HN. Or maybe I'm just noticing more. I've been on HN since 2007. There was that story a few weeks ago with the aging parents and their daughter that took a picture of them waving goodbye, each year she visited. I like these stories. It gives me pause and to wonder what it's all been for. Probably for my kids. My second oldest (9) loves creating levels in Geometr…

There are three groups of people on HN: - kids who just graduated and realize that they've been told lies and need some life advice - midlife crisis - retirees who can see the death slowly approaching and reevaluate their lives in panic

Which group are you in?

Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)

#200

Post by smugma »

seanhunter wrote: post #184
cobbaut wrote: post #177

Please visit people when they are still alive. My aunt was alone for the last three years of her live, up to 94 years old. She had almost no visitors, and was not able to go out by herself. I went there about every week, and was always the only visitor. Then came the funeral, with well over 400 people there, and around 200 people at the coffee table after the funeral. And I was like: Where the hell were you guys the…

^ this. Also, don't allow yourself to be put off by the idea that you don't know what to say or whatever. Just go. If you think it's hard for you it's doubly hard for the person who is dying and noone is visiting them because they don't know what to say. My cousin was in hospital dying of cancer. I spoke to my mum and she said she wasn't sure what to say etc, so she ended up not going. I went. I said to him "hey this…

So much humanity in this. Thank you for sharing and for advocating.
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