111–120 of 322 posts
Earlier quoted context omitted.
But it's a somewhat odd custom no? Funerals. Probably no one stood up to talk because it felt awkward, as it is. It's not like you hurt your friends feelings for not speaking up.
It was my failure that hurt me, I think.
Losing relationships for other reasons that shouldn't happen, like fights, feels bad.
It's like eating a cake. You eat and at some point there will be no more cake, and you can rest content. But if the cake falls to the floor while you are eating, it's sad.
I think I won't go to my parents funeral (when the time comes). I don't see the value of standing next to their corpses. I didn't go to my grandma funeral, I don't regret it. I regret not having had deeper relationship with her. Same with my parents. Will have many regrets, but I believe not saying goobye to their corpses won't be one.
They are dead but the other people who attend aren't
Earlier quoted context omitted.
It was my failure that hurt me, I think.
I don't get why it is a failure.
Every time we avoid the alive impulse is a failure of sorts, but usually we don't notice it like in this story above.
Losing relationships to death feels strangely not bad to me. Losing relationships for other reasons that shouldn't happen, like fights, feels bad. It's like eating a cake. You eat and at some point there will be no more cake, and you can rest content. But if the cake falls to the floor while you are eating, it's sad.
My mum came and said: "your cousin died".
I felt nothing, I different. I had a great relationship with him.
Seeing my non-reaction, my mum said : "you can cry". So I thought: "oh, so I should cry now, that's the appropiate thing to do in these situations", then I started crying.
This is a very Irish thing. Funerals in Ireland are always well-attended and going to a funeral - even of someone you don't know - is important in the community (see this recent news article, for example[0]). I notice the author's surname is Sullivan. As my grandmother liked to repeat: "If you don't go to someone's funeral, they won't come to yours." [0] https://www.breakingnews.ie/ireland/crowd-shows-up-to-funera...…
I did misjudge it once: I was living in a different country with two fellow Irish people and the relative of a good friend died. In Ireland it would have been expected that we attend the funeral, in this case we showed up and there were only six closest relatives there, and our presence just felt inappropriate. I now know your place at a funeral is about your place in a wider community. That often overlaps with being a connection-of-a-connection, but not always.
I think I won't go to my parents funeral (when the time comes). I don't see the value of standing next to their corpses. I didn't go to my grandma funeral, I don't regret it. I regret not having had deeper relationship with her. Same with my parents. Will have many regrets, but I believe not saying goobye to their corpses won't be one.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I don't get why it is a failure.
I see it as a strong example of what happens often. We have an impulse from what I will call our authenticity and we decline and suppress it because of some sort of fear. As I've learned to pay attention to this, I've found that it always leads to slight disconnection, and following instead tends to lead to more connection and aliveness. Every time we avoid the alive impulse is a failure of sorts, but usually we don'…
I usually supress emotions in order to perform, solve problems. I ignore all frustration, sadness, boredom and just focus or executing the steps to solve the current problem. Convinced that good performance is what leads to good quality of life.
It's like the kid who jumps and cries around the father saying "I want to play". The father ignores him and says "go away, don't bother me please, I'm working", thinking "what he really needs is a nice house, food and clothes, that's why I work".
But this has lead me to a pervasive state of unsatisfaction, even though I now have many shiny things to enjoy.
I think I won't go to my parents funeral (when the time comes). I don't see the value of standing next to their corpses. I didn't go to my grandma funeral, I don't regret it. I regret not having had deeper relationship with her. Same with my parents. Will have many regrets, but I believe not saying goobye to their corpses won't be one.
Can you really not think of the situation beyond your personal immediate material experience?
I don't see what else I should think of.