As somebody whose dad died last night, this one hits hard.
That's terrible and I can't imagine how you feel, Sorry for your loss.
Always go to the funeral (2005)
101–110 of 322 posts
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#102I had a friend who died young, I was young as well. I went to his funeral and there was an opportunity to speak about him and our memories of him. No one stood up to speak.
It was awful. I wanted to stand up and say he was a good friend, and to say I would miss him, but I didn't.
I've regretted that ever since - 30 years now, and I think about it frequently.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#103Earlier quoted context omitted.
> You should go to the funeral if you think the right thing is to go to the funeral. You should do it for yourself, out of respect for the person who died and respect for the loved ones remaining. Not out of societal obligation In 2024 it would be quite better if we did more things out of societal obligation, instead of each individual placing themselves (and their whims) as the moral authority.
I'm tired, boss
You haven't tried...
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#104As a kid, I went to so many funerals, I remember I started somewhat liking it.
I grew up in Eastern Europe. My grandmother was a devoted christian with a lot of community work around church events. As a kid my parents would leave me often with her for the holidays. She took me with her to pretty much every funeral that was happening in the town, since she had to attend.
It sounds crazy but these events were large social gatherings, people bringing food, chatting. Often other kids would be there as well. Someone had died, but it wasn't necessarily a sad event. It was people being there for the deceased one and their relatives. There was also something like the "crying group" - that would be old ladies crying for the deceased one as an act of support of the relatives rather than expressing genuine feelings. The coffin would sometimes be placed on a trailer towed by a tractor to the graveyard. The "crying group" would hop onto the trailer and they would cry around the coffin. They were really good. I realize how strange this may sound, but it was just the way it was back then.
None of these funerals could prepare me for the loss of my 2 grandmothers. Still, without meaning it in a disrespectful way, death is an important part of our life-experience, and even as a kid, I'm thankful to have had seen it that often and in a non-violent way.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#105I think I won't go to my parents funeral (when the time comes).
I don't see the value of standing next to their corpses.
I didn't go to my grandma funeral, I don't regret it. I regret not having had deeper relationship with her.
Same with my parents. Will have many regrets, but I believe not saying goobye to their corpses won't be one.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#106I had a friend who died young, I was young as well. I went to his funeral and there was an opportunity to speak about him and our memories of him. No one stood up to speak. It was awful. I wanted to stand up and say he was a good friend, and to say I would miss him, but I didn't. I've regretted that ever since - 30 years now, and I think about it frequently.
But it's a somewhat odd custom no? Funerals. Probably no one stood up to talk because it felt awkward, as it is.
It's not like you hurt your friends feelings for not speaking up.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#107I had a friend who died young, I was young as well. I went to his funeral and there was an opportunity to speak about him and our memories of him. No one stood up to speak. It was awful. I wanted to stand up and say he was a good friend, and to say I would miss him, but I didn't. I've regretted that ever since - 30 years now, and I think about it frequently.
My grandfather died a few years ago. By all accounts, he was opinionated, mean, and yelled at people a lot -- until a stroke humbled him.
When it was time to speak, nobody got up to say anything, until I did. I mentioned so many of us had negative feelings about him, and then recalled what good things he did for us. That ice broken, several of my cousins also stood up and spoke.
My uncle, who had arranged the funeral, closed it off by saying to everyone in the audience that if you wanted your own funeral to have more good stories, it was a good idea to patch relationships while still alive.
I think I would have regretted not standing up to speak. My grandfather did good and bad -- he invented the type of artificial voicebox given to people with throat cancer. He performed lifesaving surgeries on hundreds of people. He also yelled at his grandchildren during every dinner. He leered at my mother and aunts.
And yet, I would have regretted not going to his funeral, and not speaking.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#108I think I won't go to my parents funeral (when the time comes). I don't see the value of standing next to their corpses. I didn't go to my grandma funeral, I don't regret it. I regret not having had deeper relationship with her. Same with my parents. Will have many regrets, but I believe not saying goobye to their corpses won't be one.
They are dead but the other people who attend aren't
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#109I had a friend who died young, I was young as well. I went to his funeral and there was an opportunity to speak about him and our memories of him. No one stood up to speak. It was awful. I wanted to stand up and say he was a good friend, and to say I would miss him, but I didn't. I've regretted that ever since - 30 years now, and I think about it frequently.
But it's a somewhat odd custom no? Funerals. Probably no one stood up to talk because it felt awkward, as it is. It's not like you hurt your friends feelings for not speaking up.
It was my failure that hurt me, I think.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#110This is a very Irish thing. Funerals in Ireland are always well-attended and going to a funeral - even of someone you don't know - is important in the community (see this recent news article, for example[0]). I notice the author's surname is Sullivan.
As my grandmother liked to repeat: "If you don't go to someone's funeral, they won't come to yours."
[0] https://www.breakingnews.ie/ireland/crowd-shows-up-to-funera...)