Funerals aren't for the one who passed they're for the ones left behind. Be there for the ones left behind and remember you are one of the ones left behind.
Always go to the funeral (2005)
31–40 of 322 posts
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#32> By the time I was 16, I had been to five or six funerals. Is it just me or does this actually seem kind of low ? They say your social cluster is 150 people, so you should be going to about 2 funerals every year (this ignores age-clustering, but that's counterbalanced by the fact that you often go to funerals slightly outside your cluster and the fact that the cluster changes over time).
>> By the time I was 16, I had been to five or six funerals.
> Is it just me or does this actually seem kind of low?
Not for someone who's young and mostly disconnected from their grandparents' generation. In my case, my family lived far away from pretty much all my relatives, which meant I'm not very close to any of them and going to a funeral meant lots of short-notice plane tickets.
I think I've only gone to two funerals in my life: one grandparent who died geographically close to use when I was a kid, and the father (who I never met) of a friend of mine.
I think it would have been better if it had been different, and I had gone to more funerals, because now my lack of exposure adds a whole extra layer of awkwardness onto dealing with death.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#33Do the right thing even when you really don't want to is a valuable lesson, but I'm not sure I believe that the right thing to do is attend funerals for people who you were not actually close to. It feels extremely insincere.
I've attended the funerals of my enemies just to pay my respects for the rivalry that we had.
> I've attended the funerals of my enemies just to pay my respects for the rivalry that we had.
What? You have enemies? Like the Joker and Batman or Lex Luthor and Superman?
Honestly, to me, that word describes a kind of relation that mainly exists in comic books and between nation states.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#34You should go to the funeral if you think the right thing is to go to the funeral You should do it for yourself, out of respect for the person who died and respect for the loved ones remaining. Not out of societal obligation The corollary to that is there are plenty of times where the right thing is to not go to the funeral. If you lack those things. There have been times I don’t go the funeral. Because the dead pers…
>You should go to the funeral if you think the right thing is to go to the funeral
More broadly, your actions are a reflection of your values. If there's a mismatch, then one of two things must be true: you fell short of your ideals and you should strive to do better in the future, or your stated values really aren't your values.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#35Earlier quoted context omitted.
> what message can you want to send to a dead person you ask me that after I said "clearly, the message of not attending is being said to others not to the person, but you get the gist" so clearly, you didn't get the gist. not attending says something to the other friends/family that did attend. the knee jerk reaction is "what an asshole to not attend" typically followed by "I wonder what happened that would make the…
Yeah, I got that. It is just that I think it is now pointless. Like, he/she is dead.
why do you keep referring to the dead person like that's the point of the not going? you're sending a message to those that do go by not going. the subject of the message is the deceased not the recipient.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#36Ecclesiastes 7:4 "The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning; but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth." https://bible.com/bible/1/ecc.7.4.KJV
My dad is an atheist but he believes in that. He hates seeing other people happy
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#37Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yeah, I got that. It is just that I think it is now pointless. Like, he/she is dead.
why do you keep referring to the dead person like that's the point of the not going? you're sending a message to those that do go by not going. the subject of the message is the deceased not the recipient.
Ah. I thought you had a beef with the dead.
Ok. I can respect that.
It is just that as I was thinking the dead was the target, it would be better to make sure you get whatever retribution while he is alive.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#38Clever marketing by the funeral services industry.
And no, I don't want my last act on Earth to be inconveniencing people.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#39> By the time I was 16, I had been to five or six funerals. Is it just me or does this actually seem kind of low ? They say your social cluster is 150 people, so you should be going to about 2 funerals every year (this ignores age-clustering, but that's counterbalanced by the fact that you often go to funerals slightly outside your cluster and the fact that the cluster changes over time).
Really? I'm in my 30s and I've been to fewer than that.
> They say your social cluster is 150 people
Maybe yours is.
Re: Always go to the funeral (2005)
#40> By the time I was 16, I had been to five or six funerals. Is it just me or does this actually seem kind of low ? They say your social cluster is 150 people, so you should be going to about 2 funerals every year (this ignores age-clustering, but that's counterbalanced by the fact that you often go to funerals slightly outside your cluster and the fact that the cluster changes over time).
>> By the time I was 16, I had been to five or six funerals. > Is it just me or does this actually seem kind of low? Not for someone who's young and mostly disconnected from their grandparents' generation. In my case, my family lived far away from pretty much all my relatives, which meant I'm not very close to any of them and going to a funeral meant lots of short-notice plane tickets. I think I've only gone to two f…
Even if I was close to my grandparents' generation, I only have four of them and that number doesn't increase over time. I don't think I know 16 * 2 = 32 people of my grandparents' generation, especially not now, way past my teenage years.