I think my self-worth was overly tied to technical skills. Now I see that it's more about impedance matching things... explaining how complex things work, using simple words, forcing technology to bend to my will, and other ways I can make reality match what I, and others want.
The Collapse of Self-Worth in the Digital Age
151–160 of 200 posts
Re: The Collapse of Self-Worth in the Digital Age
#152The other day I was talking to a psychologist about [difficult personal situation which I am unable to discuss publicly] and she said to me “This must be really damaging to your self-worth.” And, my honest internal reaction to her statement (although I didn’t say it out loud to her) was “Self-worth, what is that?” Because I’m not sure if I have any? I don’t mean that in the negative sense that I think I am worthless…
A related observation I've gotten from interacting with normies including my wife: Most people assume there is such thing as a "self" and that it is okay, natural, and desirable to preference yourself when interacting with other people. Indeed, for most normies, there is only various people and their selves interacting. My autistic perspective is that there is only a system of the world, various roles that people hap…
> most normies project this self-interest onto aspies and assume that when they are saying how the world is, they are pushing their own agenda, because in their worldview everybody has an agenda.
I have a theory (not claiming to have invented it, just something I often think about) that most people have a strong tendency to assume that other people think the same way they do.
Re: The Collapse of Self-Worth in the Digital Age
#153Earlier quoted context omitted.
One way of looking at it is how you assess yourself in things and take pride in or feel regret about that. For example, you wrote this comment. It is a well written comment. You likely have some belief roughly along the lines of "I write reasonably well". You have probably received feedback along those lines throughout life, and that reinforces that belief. This is perhaps mildly pleasing or at least seems correct. N…
This begs the question because it starts with "how you assess yourself". Why assess yourself, the self, the whole person, at all? So, you're not good at writing. Perhaps you're not good at anything. In that case, you probably shouldn't attempt things except as practice. But why give yourself an overall score as a person, what are you even supposed to do with that information? You can't be anybody else, so it's useles…
I write imprecisely but I wad actually referring to assessing how you are at specific things. How you feel you are at specifics bleeds somehow into a general sense of self esteem. I definitely agree on not tying your sense of self worth to the opinion of others, though we are none os us totally immune.
Even diogenes the cynic who scorned society reproached himself when shown he was not meeting his own standard as well as he could. He lived simply and had but a cup to drink from. Then he saw a child drinking from a stream and smashed his cup in frustration at not having thought of the child's simpler approach.
Anyway my comment was aiming at illustration what high self worth or lack thereof may feel like, rather than what one should do.
Re: The Collapse of Self-Worth in the Digital Age
#154Earlier quoted context omitted.
And of course from a Buddhist perspective the self is an illusion, making all this 'self-worth' chasing akin to tilting at windmills.
True, but it’s harder to run around with a begging bowl in Western cultures. Even though self worth is an illusion, right livelihood is part of the Noble Eightfold Path.
I was very unBuddha while pursuing what currently enables my lack of expectations. I’m just discovering acting on the world with no expectations of what is next.
Re: The Collapse of Self-Worth in the Digital Age
#155Earlier quoted context omitted.
Kids can't just leave schools in the middle of the day, so basically yes.
You can’t leave your job in the middle of the day, so basically you’re a felon too? This kind of meme nonsense belongs to reddit, not here
You can leave your job. You may not be allowed to return to it, but you can walk away.
You can switch your job as desired. Kids can’t switch their school.
You can not have a job (economic consequences aside). You can’t not be in school.
They didn’t choose to be there and if they hate it, the main way out is waiting.
Re: The Collapse of Self-Worth in the Digital Age
#156The other day I was talking to a psychologist about [difficult personal situation which I am unable to discuss publicly] and she said to me “This must be really damaging to your self-worth.” And, my honest internal reaction to her statement (although I didn’t say it out loud to her) was “Self-worth, what is that?” Because I’m not sure if I have any? I don’t mean that in the negative sense that I think I am worthless…
I feel the same. One thing that I have struggled with in relationships is that others need to feel validated, that their decisions are rational and that other people believe that they are rational. Stimulus from the outside to satisfy the inside. What makes this difficult for me is that I don’t need to feel validated, I am comfortable with my own decisions in life and do not need someone else to approve. I think this…
Is the total lack of care about what others think of me a sign or symptom of autism?
I had it from childhood to a much larger extent than any of my peers, even though it diminished as I grew older.
Re: The Collapse of Self-Worth in the Digital Age
#157Earlier quoted context omitted.
I feel the same. One thing that I have struggled with in relationships is that others need to feel validated, that their decisions are rational and that other people believe that they are rational. Stimulus from the outside to satisfy the inside. What makes this difficult for me is that I don’t need to feel validated, I am comfortable with my own decisions in life and do not need someone else to approve. I think this…
You may not need anyone else to approve, but doesn’t it still cause issues when they don’t?
Sure, those issues come just as a storm comes for a sailor. You cannot control what comes your way but only how you react.
I’m not a psychopath, I understand social norms and I do take into consideration how my actions will affect others, but I try my best to live a fair life and deal with whatever comes my way instead of focusing on what-if’s or how people perceive me.
Re: The Collapse of Self-Worth in the Digital Age
#158Earlier quoted context omitted.
A related observation I've gotten from interacting with normies including my wife: Most people assume there is such thing as a "self" and that it is okay, natural, and desirable to preference yourself when interacting with other people. Indeed, for most normies, there is only various people and their selves interacting. My autistic perspective is that there is only a system of the world, various roles that people hap…
Well that's an interesting theory. However, on reading it, my leading hypotheses are that people who express such disbelief in the possibility of their being selfish, either lack self-insight, or are lying. Your theory I would give a subjective probability rather lower than these. Of course, this might be my lack of insight into the aspie mind. But self-interest is highly evolutionarily favourable, and is built into…
Selfless people do not exist for biological and evolutionary reasons (self-preservation and such). But then... you are responding to someone who calls other people "normies".
Re: The Collapse of Self-Worth in the Digital Age
#159Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think there are two ways you can look at it. One is what I think of as the neurotypical way. They spend a lot of energy on social modeling, on fitting people into hierarchies of privilege. (E.g., "respecting your elders", older sibling vs younger, teachers vs students, the popular kids, and so many other things.) Then in the same way they're judging the worth of others, they fit themselves into the same primate sta…
Not a psychologist but I am friends with more than a few. I don't know why you assume the psychologist meant the first because they did not. Self-worth has nothing to do with social hierarchy. It is how you treat yourself and a core thing therapist work on is helping you treat yourself the way you would treat others, with compassion and respect.
I think what they simply meant is that neurotypical people are a lot busy with making models of hierarchies between people and finding out their own position within that hierarchy, and mostly automatically or unconsciously derive self worth from that.
While some types of non neurotypical people don't automatically spend their mental energy on such thoughts and analysis. That is maybe why 'self worth' feels a strange term to them. They simply are who they are and will not try to come across as this or that type of person (helping, smart, empathetic, strong character etc) . Neurotypical people hence find the way they come across weird.
Re: The Collapse of Self-Worth in the Digital Age
#160Earlier quoted context omitted.
You can’t leave your job in the middle of the day, so basically you’re a felon too? This kind of meme nonsense belongs to reddit, not here
You can leave your job. You may not be allowed to return to it, but you can walk away. You can switch your job as desired. Kids can’t switch their school. You can not have a job (economic consequences aside). You can’t not be in school. They didn’t choose to be there and if they hate it, the main way out is waiting.
Kids can’t switch their own school because they’re not their own legal guardians until they’re 18. You can’t switch nationalities just because you want to. That doesn’t make your country a penal colony.
You can OBVIOUSLY it be in school. No country on earth forces kids to join any school (let alone to attend it).
Most people didn’t choose to be at their jobs and hate it, the main way out is waiting for retirement.