Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Why doesn't advice work?

dynomight.substack.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

61–70 of 334 posts

Re: Why doesn't advice work?

#61

Post by firefoxd »

When I was leaving for America, my aunt pulled me aside and had a serious talk with me. "Be very careful," she ended. My thoughts? She was jealous that I was going to America and not her kids. I had just turned 18.

But then, I found myself depressed, disappointed, and betrayed in the US. I thought of her advice. "Be very careful." I knew i needed to be careful, I wanted to be careful. But what does being careful means?

She was right about what my life would turn into. Two decades later, my entire experience into the US boils down to Be Careful. It's not bad advice, but you have to unpack it. It's a zip file that only time and experience can decompress.

Re: Why doesn't advice work?

#62

Post by debacle »

dotancohen wrote: post #47
debacle wrote: post #9

Most people, in my experience, not only do not think logically but actively eschew thinking logically, making long term plans, goal setting, etc. I don't know if it's an intelligence thing. I don't think it is. I have met not so smart people that are incredibly goal oriented and very smart people who piss it all away. I'm at a point in my career/life where I often find myself giving advice to people who aren't intere…

> winding parables and directed self-learning are incredibly impactful. For those of us with a spouse for whom direct advice is useless, please go on.

Ha. I have a very conversational thought process. Often times, giving my wife direct advice would give her anxiety or make her feel like I was giving her directions, rather than direction. "Maybe you should..." would be heard as "I want you to..."

I've found that providing access to unopinionated information ("Here's a study related to that thing you are worried about"), bringing attention/space to the problem (without creating stress), or encouraging her to speak with friends who have had similar issues who I know will give her good advice will help her come to her own conclusions, at which point she will come to me and discuss her findings and the direction she wants to go in.

Re: Why doesn't advice work?

#63

Post by mariocesar »

Most people don't realize they're in free fall when you offer them a parachute, and most advice will tell you to take skydiving lessons in mid-fall.

Giving advice is a bet; taking it is a risk. For both, awareness and context are key.

It might be more effective to refrain from giving advice. Instead of solving problems, we should focus on helping people recognize where they are and whether this place is in free fall: Does the ground seem further away than usual to you?

Re: Why doesn't advice work?

#66

Post by s1artibartfast »

silverquiet wrote: post #38
debacle wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Homeownership (or a more city-oriented construct), civic impact, career growth, retirement, family planning, marriage, growing a business, investment, becoming a grantee, doing 10 pullups, you name it.

I suppose for me, it's finding some sort of meaning in life - it's been rather elusive, and makes it hard to care about any of those; though I can do ten pullups.

For me, goals and meaning are less an innate property, but things that are built over time as the result of positive feedback from direction and momentum. I didn't start with them, but as I try things, my identity changes to hold a goal more deeply.

An analogy is a rock at the top of the mountain. It doesn't have much direction but maybe vague sense that it could be nice to go somewhere and do something. If it moves around a little, it starts to be pulled in a direction, ever so slightly. The Further it goes, the characteristics of the rock change, pulling it more, and repeating the process.

Re: Why doesn't advice work?

#68

Post by m3kw9 »

bityard wrote: post #45

I guess this is entirely tangential, but one of the stories in here resonated with me. I had much in common with a childhood friend. We bonded over similar interests in electronics, then video games, then computers in elementary school. He was definitely smarter than me when he could motivate himself to learn things. But in retrospect, I had dogged persistence on my side. As we moved past high school, I went into the…

Tough to change a persons nature, advise are like stock tips

Re: Why doesn't advice work?

#69

Post by bloomingeek »

Perhaps wisdom isn't valued enough. Perhaps people think data is the same as knowledge, and knowledge is the same as wisdom. Both are wrong, wisdom is far superior. Common sense is gained by reasoning and experience, are these two tools falling out of value?

Re: Why doesn't advice work?

#70

Post by silverquiet »

sickofparadox wrote: post #57
silverquiet wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I suppose for me, it's finding some sort of meaning in life - it's been rather elusive, and makes it hard to care about any of those; though I can do ten pullups.

Some combination of the above list should at least give an approximation of meaning. Or keep you busy enough you don't notice its absence.

Somehow the nihilism always creeps in - the older I get the less I seem to be able to believe in anything, as the evidence accumulates that no one else does either. I suppose I'm one of those smart people who the OP suggested has pissed it all away, but I never really got what it was I was supposed to be doing.
Post reply on HN