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Ask HN: What's the worst advice you've ever received?

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Re: Ask HN: What's the worst advice you've ever received?

#61

Post by SkyPuncher »

jalapenos wrote: post #48
linotype wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is the real answer. If you’re 26 in the Midwest, odds are many of the women a person would date are already married with a kid or two.

Not sure about US culture, but this seems to carry a peculiar assumption that men should date around same age? Because I doubt most 20yo women in "midwest" are married with a kid or two. Maybe some bits of cultural bagage you need to shed there.

Might not have two kids, but not single is absolutely true. People here tend to find a partner pretty quickly in life.

Anecdotally, a friend is trying to date in her early 30s and basically has no dating pool. Not many single men in their 30s have a stable job, crime free background, and avoid hard drugs.

Re: Ask HN: What's the worst advice you've ever received?

#62

Post by SkyPuncher »

jszymborski wrote: post #19

I had a mortgage broker try to get me into a variable rate mortgage I truly couldn't afford just before the rate hikes. "The Bank of Canada won't raise rates, they can't, it'll tank the market." I knew even then that was unhinged financial advice. This was a man who had a radio show about finances in Montreal. He also tried to saddle me with a real estate broker who only showed properties to me that she was selling (…

Every person in the real estate industry has given me literally the worst advice.

We had to threaten to fire our last agent because he was continually working against our best interests. Not just professional opinion type or stuff, but recommendations exactly the opposite what we said we wanted to do.

The whole field seems to be filled with people who only survive on hope.

Re: Ask HN: What's the worst advice you've ever received?

#63

Post by SkyPuncher »

coolThingsFirst wrote: post #10
dteare wrote: post #6

Get a safe, secure job.

Why dis it turn out to be bad?

You’re likely better off getting a job that pays better, but being laid off more frequently.

If the layoffs never happen, you’re in a massively better position. If they do, the extra income still puts you ahead of staying at a stable, but poorly paying job.

Re: Ask HN: What's the worst advice you've ever received?

#65

Post by p0d »

"You are ugly and need to learn to live with it", from my Father at my 18th birthday.

I share this not to garner sympathy. I am more than 30 years over it, but it did impact more than I understood at the time. If you are still hung up on historic lies I would recommend you find a way through or you they will dent you, even if part of you knows they aren't true.

My view of myself was later shaped by christian faith. The Bible tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I have an attractive wife and good looking children but even that was not even enough to fix the dent. As humans we do not have all truth inside our own heads. We need a second opinion on much of our internal thoughts and processes.

Re: Ask HN: What's the worst advice you've ever received?

#66

Post by jalapenos »

SkyPuncher wrote: post #61
jalapenos wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not sure about US culture, but this seems to carry a peculiar assumption that men should date around same age? Because I doubt most 20yo women in "midwest" are married with a kid or two. Maybe some bits of cultural bagage you need to shed there.

Might not have two kids, but not single is absolutely true. People here tend to find a partner pretty quickly in life. Anecdotally, a friend is trying to date in her early 30s and basically has no dating pool. Not many single men in their 30s have a stable job, crime free background, and avoid hard drugs.

A good lesson for everyone: your life's time horizon isn't anywhere close to your life expectancy. There are things you need to get right before 30 if you don't want the rest of your life to be misery.

Re: Ask HN: What's the worst advice you've ever received?

#67

Post by idontwantthis »

BizarroLand wrote: post #54
elnatro wrote: post #32

There is a lot of bad advice I’ve received over the years: - you don’t need to go to a good university, this one (low tier uni in my country) is fine. - don’t fight bullies back. But the worst is not receiving bad advice, but receiving no advice at all, and staying in a dead-end job and city for too many years. Having no emotional support early in life leaves yourself “damaged” and gives you a cynical view of the wor…

The worst is when you finally quit that dead end job | end that toxic relationship | start the business you've been dreaming of | write that book you're planning and your friends suddenly start telling you how glad they are that you finally figured out the bad thing was hurting you. Could have used that info while I was in the middle of it, my dude. Tell the people you care about when they are doing it wrong. If they…

> Tell the people you care about when they are doing it wrong. If they can't see it, they will appreciate the outside viewpoint. If they can't take it, they're not good friends.

It’s rarely that simple. People are really bad at being told what to do, and will often double down. Especially in bad relationships. Usually the best you can do is be there for them when they do decide to fix things on their own.

Re: Ask HN: What's the worst advice you've ever received?

#69

Post by shrimp_emoji »

p0d wrote: post #65

"You are ugly and need to learn to live with it", from my Father at my 18th birthday. I share this not to garner sympathy. I am more than 30 years over it, but it did impact more than I understood at the time. If you are still hung up on historic lies I would recommend you find a way through or you they will dent you, even if part of you knows they aren't true. My view of myself was later shaped by christian faith. T…

You needed to resort to imaginary friends to cope with being ugly? Jesus. Pun intended.

Re: Ask HN: What's the worst advice you've ever received?

#70

Post by jszymborski »

SkyPuncher wrote: post #62
jszymborski wrote: post #19

I had a mortgage broker try to get me into a variable rate mortgage I truly couldn't afford just before the rate hikes. "The Bank of Canada won't raise rates, they can't, it'll tank the market." I knew even then that was unhinged financial advice. This was a man who had a radio show about finances in Montreal. He also tried to saddle me with a real estate broker who only showed properties to me that she was selling (…

Every person in the real estate industry has given me literally the worst advice. We had to threaten to fire our last agent because he was continually working against our best interests. Not just professional opinion type or stuff, but recommendations exactly the opposite what we said we wanted to do. The whole field seems to be filled with people who only survive on hope.

We eventually landed a phenomenal real estate agent, who had a great story. She was originally a school teacher, but after getting conned into buying a home with serious defects by a real estate agent who ended up suing her (!), she ended up becoming one to prevent others from falling into the same faith.

She consistently maintained realistic expectations and over delivered, ultimately negotiating a way lower price than asking, and never pushing us in any direction.

Most real estate agents are snakes, but ours was golden.

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