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Losing my son

fortressofdoors.com

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Re: Losing my son

#361

Post by seoulmetro »

sakjur wrote: post #109
seoulmetro wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not a seemingly easy solution to let others and your past affect you less... Or it may require taking the steps yourself right now because someone has helped you realise it. Stop trying to protect people from helping themselves. If people don't want to help themselves they are free to. Sounds like all of you are enabling the self-destruction of the above comment. That's something even I'm offended by.

Disagreement is not malice. People taking issue with your suggested solution doesn’t mean they’re trying to stop people from helping themselves or enabling self-destructive behaviors (at least not intentionally). I intend to leave this conversation here, though I will read and consider any response you might have even if I’m not responding to it.

They are indeed enabling self-destructive behaviours intentionally. Even the moderator dang has claimed that not enabling someones self-destructive behaviours counts as a personal attack on that person... so yes. Intentionally and disruptively hurting people with malice.

This conversation can be left wherever you want. Many people here are clearly in no hurry to help the above comment author.

I feel sorry for all of you and for the people who have been hurt who are left in their state of hurt because no one wants to actually help them help themselves.

Re: Losing my son

#362

Post by bilinguliar »

Immense suffering one experiences is not explainable and can not be understood by people who did not experience the same. What is left is to smile and say, “I am OK”

Re: Losing my son

#363

Post by 77pt77 »

seoulmetro wrote: post #359
77pt77 wrote: post #273

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The best way to not be sick is to just refuse to get the disease in the first place. Also known as the republican approach to COVID.

Except if you get the disease and then cry about it and woe is me instead of taking the medicine.... then that's apparently the only course of action? What. So you're saying if we cured cancer people would still willingly die of cancer because it's "too hard" to take the right approach to curing it?

There is no medicine here.

Some problems don't have a solution.

Some aren't even amenable to compromise.

Sometimes compromise is even worse.

It sucks but it's the truth.

Re: Losing my son

#364

Post by gwbas1c »

gwbas1c wrote: post #335

> My son is alive, but all of his higher mental functions have been wiped out. He still sleeps and wakes, breathes under his own power, and responds to certain stimuli, but he makes no intentional movements. He moves reflexively, and occasionally smiles and even laughs, but he can't speak and it's not clear what degree of awareness he still has of his situation, if any. I remember when my mom got to that state when s…

Forgot to include that my mom died within 12 hours after reaching that state.

Re: Losing my son

#365

Post by 77pt77 »

dang wrote: post #353
77pt77 wrote: post #345

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

It was a flamewar comment whether you intended to post more or not. "Toleration of conflict" in that quote is hardly saying that people should just inflict whatever they like on each other!

Of course not.

That's your prerogative alone!

I also find it interesting that my other comment was also flagged and no one can read it. So much for your veneer of respect for the necessity of conflict...

I have no intention of continuing this thread with you now.

If you want to ban me do so.

There's nothing I can do about it and you'll get your dopamine boost from exercising your limited power.

I still remember many years ago when someone in a thread admitted in writing that he was creating bogus accounts to circumvent his comment throttling and you were OK with that, punishing and banning the poor guy he was harassing instead because again, the guy clearly harassing by admitting to game the system was the right kind of person (you knew each other).

Bye.

Re: Losing my son

#366

Post by trogdor »

lo_zamoyski wrote: post #315
larsiusprime wrote: post #268

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And to anyone who feels like telling me what a bad person I am for drawing the line in a slightly different place than you do on Euthanasia — go read Four Magic Words before you post something glib assuming you know anything about my reasoning and motivations. Go ahead and have a reasoned debate about euthanasia if you want — I’ve never subscribed to “the person who is suffering the most this second gets to be right…

It seems you are following the ethical course, and this is commendable. As you may already know, in ethics we distinguish between ordinary and extraordinary (or disproportionate) care. But while we may licitly refuse disproportionate care, at least in many cases, we cannot intentionally cause the death of anyone (ourselves or another; the "self-ownership" thesis is likely responsible for the view that we can licitly…

I find your comment very distasteful. It is written as if you know The One True Path, and anyone who strays from Your Path is unethical.

I find your comment particularly distasteful in light of the fact that you were replying to a comment by the writer in which he acknowledged that people might make different choices if placed in the same situation that he was in.

Finally, some of the things you wrote are obviously wrong. For example:

>We may not purposefully speed up anyone’s death

Nonsense. If someone is trying to kill me, I may be justified in killing them.

Re: Losing my son

#367

Post by trogdor »

ChrisMarshallNY wrote: post #219
larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

I have an adult child with severe mental illness. It makes life less-than-easy, but others have it worse (including her). She will probably live with us until we check out. One of the things that concerns me, is how to help her, after we are gone. I have also had many close associations and friends lose children, relatives, and associates; often, to unnatural causes. It has to do with the demographic I hang with.

> I have also had many close associations and friends lose children, relatives, and associates; often, to unnatural causes. It has to do with the demographic I hang with.

Perhaps this is morbid curiosity getting the best of me, but your last sentence was a surprise. What demographic do you hang out with that has such a high rate of death due to unnatural causes?

Re: Losing my son

#368

Post by jacquesm »

pattesseriedude wrote: post #168
seoulmetro wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All hard things worth doing are. What's your point? Don't do anything worth doing because it's hard? I have both said and done. It's better for you than integrating the trauma into your personality and by extension your life.

> integrating the trauma into your personality and by extension your life. You were not wrong here and to be honest 9 hours later I feel ashamed to have made the original comment and no disrespect to the author obviously. I’ve been having a few bad days lately and what the author and his family are going through took me back to a time when I thought could relate not as the author but someone as a family member who wa…

You've got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Re: Losing my son

#369

Post by ChrisMarshallNY »

trogdor wrote: post #367
ChrisMarshallNY wrote: post #219

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have an adult child with severe mental illness. It makes life less-than-easy, but others have it worse (including her). She will probably live with us until we check out. One of the things that concerns me, is how to help her, after we are gone. I have also had many close associations and friends lose children, relatives, and associates; often, to unnatural causes. It has to do with the demographic I hang with.

> I have also had many close associations and friends lose children, relatives, and associates; often, to unnatural causes. It has to do with the demographic I hang with. Perhaps this is morbid curiosity getting the best of me, but your last sentence was a surprise. What demographic do you hang out with that has such a high rate of death due to unnatural causes?

I can’t get specific. Suffice it to say that we are working to recover from destructive pasts. Sometimes, we don’t succeed.

Re: Losing my son

#370

Post by AnimalMuppet »

devjab wrote: post #312
AnimalMuppet wrote: post #195

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you accept the Christian view of God, then that God knows what it is to lose a son. He knows firsthand what he's costing you when he allows it to happen to you. You may question his wisdom if you want. You may question his reasons for allowing it. But at least he's taken his own medicine.

There is also the part where human suffering is our problem because someone ate an apple and it gave us free will and the responsibility of our own lives. Still doesn’t change the thousands of children who died in some war zone today, or the ones who died from starvation and so on. If you really watch that sort of thing from the sidelines with the power to stop it, then you probably aren’t too benevolent. Then again,…

Again, within the Christian view: We've walked away from God, rebelled against him, and broken everything in the process, but it's his fault that he doesn't fix everything?

God doesn't stop evil, but he does limit it, and will eventually end it completely. Why doesn't he do so immediately, when he could?

The bible's answer is that God is giving people time to repent. See, we are part of the evil that needs fixed. It's not just diseases. It's not even just other people. It's us. But we want God to address all the evil in the world that harms us (and those we care about), but not address the evil inside us (that also harms those around us).

So think carefully before you blame God for not addressing evil immediately with big, sweeping measures. He's still in the "rescue" phase; the court cases will come.

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