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Losing my son

fortressofdoors.com

231–240 of 434 posts

Re: Losing my son

#231

As a parent who has lost a son - I feel this immensely. At least you can see his face. That’s more than I can say for mine. He’ll forever be 12 years old to me. What helped me was giving back. I’m sure the road ahead will be hard, but don’t give up.

Very sorry to hear. I lost my boy five years ago and it just isn't something that ever gets better in the true sense, but we all have to learn how to live with it somehow.

Re: Losing my son

#232
post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is an amazing writeup. I have lived the past 10 years in a situation with many parallels to yours, and at the same time unimaginably different. When you say "It's not hard" you hit on one of the things I've always found difficulty to tell people. It's not hard, because it's the only thing to do. That certainty means it's painful, tiring, and many other things; but not hard. My experience is that it only becomes…

Isn't it hard to do though? I fear I may be a monster for thinking this, but is the pain of the son and yourself worth it? Meaning, is all this being done for some hope that the miracle pulls through? What if you knew with absolute certainty there was no recover and no brain activity, only pain. So this is hard if you have a choice, what is the right choice?

Do you think he has not already turned this question over in his mind for many agonizing hours?

Re: Losing my son

#233

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

I appreciate you finding a way to so eloquently put your thoughts into words. For the longest time, I always felt like a terrible person or somehow socially or emotionally broken for being unable to respond to others grief. It's not that I couldn't imagine it or somewhat feel how they were feeling, but simply the wish that there was sentence or string of words I could put together to make it all okay. I guess anyone who has ever loved someone has felt the same :(

Godspeed.

Re: Losing my son

#234
post #114

[flagged]

and I find your judgement on this quite disturbing, even arrogant. there is a reason nearly all religions take a stance against killing, even killing yourself! and for me it starts with: who am I to judge somebody should rather be dead than alive? do you REALLY know?

I believe the comment you reply to is disturbing (or rather insensitive) only because the article author is reading this thread.

But we should be able to have the discussion the grandparent poster wants to have.

If the author wants to do what he described in the article, that's fine – it's up to him and his partner.

However, we should as a society not expect it as a standard IMHO. No one should be expected to sacrifice themselves like that, for apparently little reason. It seems irrational and painful.

Re: Losing my son

#235
post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is an amazing writeup. I have lived the past 10 years in a situation with many parallels to yours, and at the same time unimaginably different. When you say "It's not hard" you hit on one of the things I've always found difficulty to tell people. It's not hard, because it's the only thing to do. That certainty means it's painful, tiring, and many other things; but not hard. My experience is that it only becomes…

Isn't it hard to do though? I fear I may be a monster for thinking this, but is the pain of the son and yourself worth it? Meaning, is all this being done for some hope that the miracle pulls through? What if you knew with absolute certainty there was no recover and no brain activity, only pain. So this is hard if you have a choice, what is the right choice?

In case it helps — I actually have no expectation and hope of a miracle. Having my hopes absolutely crushed is what gets me through the day. The fear and uncertainty of having something to lose was and is far worse (to me) than the grinding daily commitment to meet his needs.

Maybe a miracle will happen one day but I have no expectation of it. I expect him to stay in that bed for years until he dies.

Re: Losing my son

#236
post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Pattesserie, a bit random but try and do sauna regularly. Start with little. Can do wonders for emotional issue release; can be very intense at first, just be prepared.

[flagged]

Considering he is considering MDMA....

Re: Losing my son

#239

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

My heart goes out to you. My youngest son is the same age, with a permanent disability which for now we've managed to avoid the worst consequences of thanks to risky but ultimately successful surgeries, but there's an ever-present fear of what his future will be or when will tragedy strike. I just have to live for today, take things one day at a time, and not project into the future. Of course your circumstances are on a whole other level of difficulty and grief, one which I don't think I could handle, and I admire your ability to cope with it to the point of being able to write about it. Sending much love to you and your family.

Re: Losing my son

#240

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

Every parent's worst nightmare. Godspeed, Lars.
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