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Advice to young people, the lies I tell myself

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Re: Advice to young people, the lies I tell myself

#41

Post by gloryjulio »

sidcool wrote: post #21

I see a lot of comments here criticising the post. May be my point of view is different on this, but I liked the post. It's raw and seems honest, like an un-edited version of a stream of thoughts (the author mentions he used speech to text). The author may have been from a privileged background, but seems to have had his own struggles. I especially liked the following pieces: >>>>> 1. I believe many young people stru…

Agree. Have similar thoughts here. I totally understand where he comes from. Competitive upbringing and schools (U of Waterloo is of the top CS universities and it's grueling, look it up), faang and silicon valley experiences, I have met many people from the similar backgrounds.

If you want to succeed in this environment, either you are 1. naturally talented to deal with all the pressure and competitiveness; 2. relentless work until you burn out; 3. actively develop some kind of coping mechanisms to help you progress.

I work in faang and I am not type 1. I did type 2 and then tried to recover from type 3 route. I did have many similar conclusions as he had. Actively work on your mindset does help you to work under such environment.

Re: Advice to young people, the lies I tell myself

#42

Post by appplication »

anonreeeeplor wrote: post #22

The worse the advice the more generic. Generic advice sounds like: “to get good at golf … you really just need to hit the ball more. With the club.” Nothing was said. Nothing objectionable. Mass audience can understand it. That is roughly the quality of most advice. The really good advice in my experience is never popular or even said out loud. The really good advice would make you dislike the person saying it, usual…

> “to get good at golf … you really just need to hit the ball more. With the club.”

On one hand, it sounds generic, shallow, and self- evident, but on the other hand this is basically how the entirety of the Tao Te Ching reads. It is possible that people find value in hearing things repeated to them that they likely already know.

Re: Advice to young people, the lies I tell myself

#43

Post by satokema »

zero-sharp wrote: post #2

This article has a section titled "how to get a job." The author then mentions straight away that he has never had to apply for a job in the traditional way. Following this, he questions his own success and implies that there may be factors other than merit that played a role. A few paragraphs down the author then laments people with imposter syndrome. Yup. I'm not sure how you can read this without being irritated.…

Please note, he says "he has never gotten a job by applying", not that he has never applied to jobs.

My ratio isn't 100% but being referred or (in older times) called first have probably been the better experiences in my experience.

Re: Advice to young people, the lies I tell myself

#44

Post by jxnlco »

zero-sharp wrote: post #2

This article has a section titled "how to get a job." The author then mentions straight away that he has never had to apply for a job in the traditional way. Following this, he questions his own success and implies that there may be factors other than merit that played a role. A few paragraphs down the author then laments people with imposter syndrome. Yup. I'm not sure how you can read this without being irritated.…

author here: i got rejected by almost every job i applied to conventionally.

Re: Advice to young people, the lies I tell myself

#45

Post by jxnlco »

dorkwood wrote: post #4

> Seek success because you deserve it and learn to love yourself, rather than punishing yourself for not being good enough. The idea that I "deserve" success, and to be happy, is something I've heard repeated many times but have always struggled comprehending. I think to myself, well, why do I deserve it? Just for being alive? I feel like there's a better way to think about this, but it eludes me. Does anyone have an…

author here:

it takes time, after i hurt my hands from working too hard i basically lost all my equity at the company, i thought i'd never be able to make money again.

i tied most of my self worth to being able to make money. and when i realised i might not ever be able to code again it was a painful 2 years of really feeling worthless and being in pain everyday.

You just have to practice, try the inverted thinking!

--

a story:

I had this thought before of not want pets cause they do no "work". I grew up in rural china and so even a pet dog was really a "guard dog". when my ex wanted to get a tiny dog and i just thought " what a useless animal it does nothing". she basically said"the point is just to love it and be loved"

I still don't think i'd be ok with a useless pet like that, but i'm coming around to being able to accept that people do love things just on the basis of existing.

like... if people can love a 5 pound dog with a breathing problem, maybe I could just be loved too? maybe the people around me could just like me for being me. I dont have to claw at the acceptance.

But it starts with yourself, and being ok with loving others for just being alive and realising its possible and others are already doing it to you

---

theres also something partiarcial about it, but I'd recommend `the will to change by bell hooks`

Re: Advice to young people, the lies I tell myself

#46

Post by jxnlco »

evocomp wrote: post #33

I found this to be a remarkably sincere article. It focuses on the author's personal experience and strategies or mindsets they've found helpful in various situations. It's not the generic platitudes for all readers in all circumstances, but that's what makes it valuable to me. It's a perspective quite different from my own, with more experience in some areas and less in others, shared concisely and powerfully.

author here:

its a lil' platitude-y but i think its cause its also titled `the lies i tell myself.`

I just try to share the stuff i've written in my journal for myself as i send these notes off to my sister whos going to college soon.

Re: Advice to young people, the lies I tell myself

#48

Post by red-iron-pine »

zero-sharp wrote: post #2

This article has a section titled "how to get a job." The author then mentions straight away that he has never had to apply for a job in the traditional way. Following this, he questions his own success and implies that there may be factors other than merit that played a role. A few paragraphs down the author then laments people with imposter syndrome. Yup. I'm not sure how you can read this without being irritated.…

> Is this the tech equivalent of a social media influencer?

this has been a thing for years mon ami, and regularly flogged here on HN.

Re: Advice to young people, the lies I tell myself

#49

Post by jxnlco »

scoutt wrote: post #27

Maybe my morning coffee didn't kick in yet, but where are the lies? Or why dismiss them as lies and then go on a "I've succeeded (or think I had) and this is what I think" monologue?

author here:

i think the idea there is that these are just the stories i tell myself to push me through the difficult parts of my life. I tell myself that i can choose happiness, and that am choosing to be good instead of great.

these could be lies! maybe I'll never be great, and this is cope.

Maybe i could work hard forever and never get better. Maybe there is talent and I'm convincing myself i could be an olympian but choosing not to be.

Re: Advice to young people, the lies I tell myself

#50

Post by bithive123 »

dorkwood wrote: post #4

> Seek success because you deserve it and learn to love yourself, rather than punishing yourself for not being good enough. The idea that I "deserve" success, and to be happy, is something I've heard repeated many times but have always struggled comprehending. I think to myself, well, why do I deserve it? Just for being alive? I feel like there's a better way to think about this, but it eludes me. Does anyone have an…

Rather than looking for better ways to think, realize the limitation of thinking itself and observe for yourself how thoughts about your self-worth, what should or shouldn't be, and our obsession with constantly measuring and classifying others and our ourselves leads to so much wasted energy and misery in our lives.

Also notice that searching out "better" and "worse" ways of thinking are more of the same pattern. Thinking has its place, but it's more important to be aware of what's going on in our mind, rather than trying to use one fragment of thought to control other fragments.

In other words, don't feel the need to have a system of concepts about yourself. You are so much more than what can be expressed in language, no matter how sophisticated. Spend that energy becoming more aware of when you get trapped by thoughts of what should be vs. what is, and laugh when you realize how futile it is to try to think your way out of the problems that were created by thought in the first place.

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