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How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

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Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#111

Post by voidwtf »

giantg2 wrote: post #98
voidwtf wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it would have been more accurate to say that ethical non-monogamy (ENM) has become more popular. The only statistics I've seen seem to support that conclusion. I've not seen any statistics that seem to indicate polyamory specifically is dominating that trend though.

Can you provide those? A search only shows about 4-5% currently involved, but nothing about that value over time.

Unfortunately the data seems to be limited, and quite poor, at this time.

I'm guessing this probably stems both from under reporting due to societal stigmas and due to a lack of research. However, I found the following meta-analysis that appears to indicate an increase in interest over the past decade and a half.

You may be able to access these articles through you're local library for free, or if you have a subscription. I do not have a subscription at this time so I'm unable to retrieve the full details. I previously looked into this topic in 2011 when I was still a psych undergrad, there appears to be more research since then.

https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fcfp0000074

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2016.1...

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352250X2...

A survey from YouGov in 2016 and again in 2020 appears to indicate non-monogamy is a growing preference among millennials. https://today.yougov.com/society/articles/27639-millennials-...

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#112

Post by xyzzy123 »

giantg2 wrote: post #103
xyzzy123 wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Arguably hook ups / one night stands drive STDs more and always have. Anecdotally every poly person I know is (relatively speaking) quite diligent about STDs, getting tested way more than most, informing partners etc etc. Sometimes it seems to me like poly is actually a spreadsheet fetish with relationships on the side. I think polyamory is more threatening to "traditional" values due to emotional risk / complexity a…

Any data on the ONS? It seems swingers are higher risk than the general population. Although it doesn't compare the risk of ONS to them. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27902890/

I'm not aware of any studies I find very cite-able or credible, sorry.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#113

Post by Podgajski »

jurynulifcation wrote: post #14
Podgajski wrote: post #6

[flagged]

I'm not spiritual, I'm entirely materialistic and hold no stock in notions of the metaphysical, but I'm neither of the right nor left. To me your comment is the outcome of smug, baseless superiority. Before you disagree with me on this think about it. Assuming you're speaking only of those people, then whatever. Fair dues, I suppose you know them better than I do. If your comment is meant to be generalized then lol.…

I’m going to say too. It’s exactly like people not being satisfied with one house they need two. That’s why I bought up the neoliberalism. Peoples lives are empty and doll and so they’re looking for more ways to excite themselves. In their lives are empty and because of neoliberalism.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#114

Post by foobarchu »

ErasticBrub wrote: post #104
ToucanLoucan wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's more or less what got my wife started in it, not lacking attraction to one another, but wondering about others. We loved each other to bits (still do in fact!) but we'd only ever had each other in that way. We were curious. Started as swinging, but eventually we settled more into poly with a dedicated side piece for each of us that we have strong feelings for too. For us at least, it's completely normal to be…

[flagged]

[flagged]

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#115

Post by onionisafruit »

krisoft wrote: post #88
onionisafruit wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Does a government really need a database of marriages? IRS is the only agency I can think of, but they probably don’t need to put it in a database. I’m probably missing something though.

Sure. They need the info for handling inheritance, to handle disputes around divorces and also for rights around medical information and decision making when one is incapacitated. Probably there are other reasons too.

I’ve been through all of those except the divorce, and I don’t think any of them involved a government database. It was all done with documents I provided.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#116

Post by voidwtf »

lolinder wrote: post #108
voidwtf wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just to be clear... Polygamy/Polygyny IS NOT polyamory, and it is very much incompatible with the ENM and polyamory ethos afaik.

I'm aware that that's a distinction people make, but I was just responding to what OP was citing. I would expect that the numbers wouldn't move much if you could do a poll on polyamory as distinct from polygamy. The distinction is so far removed from most people's experience that it's not likely to change their sentiment.

Maybe so. There is definitely a lot of confusion and misunderstanding for those that have only ever been taught and only ever experienced monogamy. I'm polyamorous but I find polygamy to be pretty vile. I've never seen polygamy mentioned or practiced outside the context of religion, cults, or seeing people as property. Polygamy almost never benefits all the people involved and when I've heard of it practiced in the U.S. it's often commingled with the absolutely vile practice of child marriage.

edit: I'm surprised this is an unpopular opinion, curious what I said that people don't like.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#117

Post by Phoenix12052023 »

I'm deeply cynical that polyamory is "popular" outside of select corners of the Internet. Why? I'm just going to be blunt and say it: very few men are going to tolerate a situation where their wife or girlfriend is having sex with several other guys and they aren't having sex with several other women for long. Given how supply and demand for casual sex works, that's going to be what happens, more often than not. This is the sort of situation that could turn very explosive, very fast.

And that's before we to whether most people are temperamentally suited to the emotions of "sharing" something this intimate, or the child-raising angle. Just because it can work for some doesn't mean it'll work en masse for most people.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#118

Post by lumost »

jzb wrote: post #44
joegibbs wrote: post #16

Is it really that popular? I've never met a single polyamorous person in my entire life, they just seem very vocal on the internet.

It’s popular compared to 20-30 years ago. I have a number of friends who are poly, one of my siblings was for a few years before meeting a partner who wasn’t. But folks may not mention it to you until you’re at a certain level of friendship. I remember a couple I knew who disclosed after a few months.

That’s probably related to the decline in swinger culture following no-fault divorce.

I have to wonder if the recent resurgence is related to some social or economic effect driving couples to stick it out when they otherwise wouldn’t.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#120

Post by hnthrowaway6543 »

voidwtf wrote: post #85
hnthrowaway6543 wrote: post #57

> How Did Polyamory Become So Popular? Housing prices. Seriously. Polyamory is on the rise, and divorces are at a 50-year low[0]. This isn't a coincidence. Where a couple would have divorced in the past, it now is financially infeasible in many cases. Living with a partner you're no longer compatible sucks, but not being able to afford rent sucks worse. So couples are pulling out all the stops to be not-divorced, inc…

That's a fairly dark view and I think a misunderstanding of what polyamory is. Couples looking to non-monogamy to solve their relationship issues is not what polyamory is, that's not healthy. Non-monogamy != Polyamory, ethical or otherwise. While polyamory takes many forms, all of them include mutual respect and communication between partners. Polyamory is having love for one or more individuals and actively being in…

You're gatekeeping a lot here. I realize that some poly people are much more dedicated to the lifestyle and truly believe in being able to maintain multiple partners. But there's no way to distinguish between that and the "we've been married for 3 years but we're turning poly" case, nor do you or I have the authority to say that's not really polyamory.
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