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Life lessons from the death bed

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Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#51

Post by probably_wrong »

robviren wrote: post #28

I always struggle with balancing the advice given in pieces like this. The author suggested that they "eat their cake today" suggesting that putting off pleasure is a useless denial. Death could come for us at any moment, but I can't live like I'm dieing every day. There is just a mountain of nuance and self reflection between living some bohemian lifestyle where every moment must be filled with something and some st…

I think the point is not "live like you'll die next week" but rather "live in such a way that, if you were told you have a week to live, you wouldn't regret the choices you made".

If I knew I'll die next week, would I try crack? Well, maybe - there's nothing to lose and they say the highs are pretty high. But if I found myself in a hospice tomorrow, would I regret all the crack I didn't try? No - the pluses I got from living a not-crack-addicted life seem pretty solid from where I stand.

For a less dramatic example: I think that, when the time comes, I won't regret most of the time I spent programming. By being aware of how often people regret the time they spent on a dead-end job I've made the kind of choices that gave me a good life-work balance while keeping me working on interesting stuff. Of course I'm also severely underpaid, but middle class and happy seems better than rich and miserable.

Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#52

Post by JKCalhoun »

cheschire wrote: post #41
robviren wrote: post #28

I always struggle with balancing the advice given in pieces like this. The author suggested that they "eat their cake today" suggesting that putting off pleasure is a useless denial. Death could come for us at any moment, but I can't live like I'm dieing every day. There is just a mountain of nuance and self reflection between living some bohemian lifestyle where every moment must be filled with something and some st…

I suspect this person does not write those words with the intent to drive people to fill every moment with pleasure. I suspect their intent is more along the traditional lines of encouraging readers to not put off something into the “long term goal” category that would just as easily fit in the “short term goal” category. If anything, I see it as complimentary to your thoughts because many folks will use momentary pl…

Yes, the author's words are probably meant for someone who is living an inward looking life, not thinking for example to tell their aging parent, "I love you". And for all of us, it is a reminder.

Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#53

Post by sanderjd »

jplrssn wrote: post #36

Great read. As with everything, balance is key. But I’ve never heard of anyone on their deathbed wishing they’d spent less time with family and friends, and more time grinding away at work.

I think this common truism is less true that it sounds at first blush. Sure, nobody wishes they spent more time "grinding away" at work. But I think lots of people find a calling in their work, and do indeed wish they had been able to spend more time in its pursuit, while also wishing they had spent more time with their family.

Just to take the most extreme kind of example, I think scientists who have really hit on breakthroughs in their field feel more strongly that they wish they could have kept that up, done more of that, for longer.

But I don't think that pattern is unusual at all. Lots of people find work that they believe they believe is valuable and that they are effective at, and only regret that there are not enough hours in the day to do all the things they value and find joy in, including their work.

Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#55

Post by gnfargbl »

mrwzy wrote: post #9

"Whether the house we live in is 300 or 3000 sq ft - loneliness is the same" is quite profound.

Is it really profound, though? Or is it up there with live, laugh, love and life is a journey?

If a concept like this is widely held to be profound on HN, then perhaps -- and I mean this as gently as possible -- that could be a sign that the average engineer's career is a little too much of a treadmill, and would benefit from a little more downtime.

Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#56

Post by mensetmanusman »

RCitronsBroker wrote: post #23

i have a weird relationship with death. Partly by choice, partly by chance, i lost the feeling of youthful invincibility pretty young and fast; i started medical school at 18 (Europe) and got my skydiving license around the same time. About 3 years later, i was deep in BASE/Skydiving and got into my role working in healthcare. Around the same time, i experienced some SERIOUS health problems for the first time. My usu…

I highly recommend a requiem mass/concert (Mozart). Incredibly profound and beautiful music from the past to contemplate our short existence. They will be happening this week in nearly every city.

Eg: https://www.catholicchorale.org/schedule/cuf1ozg4xdcyrasujwg...

Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#57

Post by JKCalhoun »

JofArnold wrote: post #35
techdragon wrote: post #14

Touching stuff... It could be middle age tainting my perspective... but sometimes I feel this sort of... not visceral , but very close and undeniable ... experience with death is easier for people who are young. Death isn't real for most people at 17, no matter how much they have seen, many see the death of a grandparent, or two, or perhaps even four, before reaching 17, but most still enter their late teens, feeling…

As someone of the same age I feel the same. Sometimes I'm enjoying myself or finding it especially easy to be stoical about mortality. But sometimes it makes me breathless with dread for a few minutes. The realisation I was probably born a bit too early for technology to give me immortality saddens me; I only have so many weekends left to do hobbies and even fewer blocks of a few thousand hours to master something ne…

There are countless people who have died before you that were born too early for things like penicillin.

You can always find a reason to be grateful (just as, I suppose, we can always find a reason to be saddened ... and probably our future counterparts will as well.)

Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#58

Post by fosstrack »

Notes to myself - "Sometimes, the people who have everything in life have nothing in death. But sometimes the people who have nothing in life have everything that they could ever want in their final hours." "I never go to bed angry." "I choose my words wisely with both friend and foe." "when people are lying in their deathbeds, they remember their parents and siblings and spouses and children and pets — not their high school geometry assignment or that one bad day at work 30 years ago."

Re: Life lessons from the death bed

#59

Post by mensetmanusman »

kubb wrote: post #26

I wonder what she means by entering the religious life. As somebody who was raised Catholic, I don’t believe there was ever a moment where I entered that I remember. The religion was present in my life almost since birth. There were important ceremonies like the first communion and confirmation, but those happened in childhood and adolescence.

Devout Catholic families that attend weekly mass and have daily family prayer typically discuss vocations enough that teenagers internalize the various adventures in front of them (single life, religious life, married life, etc).
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