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The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

economist.com

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Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#101

Post by dieselgate »

LordShredda wrote: post #98
ptmcc wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Socialization in the PNW is highly hobby/activity oriented. It's immediate common ground and usually a recreational context. Day to day is more much reserved and insular as we go about our business.

Is that why most advice you see online is to go rock climbing or hiking to meet friends?

I wouldn't say it's PNW specific where that's true but in my experience those types of things are great ways to meet people and build social relationships. It could also be through any other sort of recurring activity like friday night magic or a local code meetup etc.

Edit: the downside of this, in my experience as well, is getting pigeon-holed in some activity with others. Especially when something like alcohol is involved

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#102

Post by Fergazi »

JumpinJack_Cash wrote: post #69

Yes, but there has to be a non-zero probability of them becoming some sort of presence in your life. Say at the airport or abroad the chances are essentially 0.0% for friendship and somewhat higher for romantic relationships provided that you are young and wild enough. More generally guys should strive to build a crew , some sort of small army of friends whose components are stable during the course of time.

Can't you just talk to someone for the simple heck of it?

I have had a few interesting conversations with strangers on planes. Most recently, I talked to a former government worker from Hawaii. I never saw them again, but I enjoyed just hearing their experiences and views because they were a random person from a completely random walk of life that I would otherwise never encounter as part of my normal weekly routine.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#103

Post by partytax »

nickjj wrote: post #6

The article mentions "Strangers on a Train" which I've never seen or read but I've had a number of really interesting encounters from train talk. It's a natural place to end up in a scenario where you could chat with someone for a decently long time if you both choose to do so. A takeaway I always remind myself is that you never know what's right next to you. Last month someone asked me which track the train leaves f…

Can confirm that trains are an amazing place to meet people. I commute on the Amtrak Northeast Regional and have made 3 regular acquaintances with whom I've had long conversations.

Never would have happened on a plane or or on the highway.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#105

Post by VancouverMan »

Slow_Hand wrote: post #90
hackermatic wrote: post #17

The cultural differences about this are vast even in the United States. In the part of the Midwest where I grew up, strangers would come up and offer compliments about your outfit or car, make friendly small talk in the grocery store checkout line, or at least offer a quiet "hi" and smile when passing on the sidewalk. In the Pacific Northwest, we try not to even look at each other when passing, although people are fr…

This matches my personal experience. When I moved from Boston to Austin it was like night and day how different interactions with strangers were. Strangers in Boston kept to themselves and when you approached them it would have an air of “what are you trying to sell me?” in which their feet were already pointed away from you and they were prepared to keep walking. On the other hand, Texans are far more open to speak…

Density is attractive to individuals who want to exploit as many other people as efficiently as possible.

For example, in the downtown areas of Canada's densest cities, before smartphones, about 90-95% of random strangers coming up to me wanted money, either as beggars or seeking donations for some "charity". The other 5-10% would generally be asking for directions or the time. Even those interactions could have always just been a ruse to see if I have a watch worth stealing, or as a distraction to help enable pickpocketing.

Since smartphones became widespread and nearly everybody has access to the time and directions on their own, pretty much 100% of the time I've been approached by strangers in public is because they want me to give them money. One person mistook me for somebody they knew.

It's just not worth me spending any time responding to random strangers because it's almost guaranteed they just want money.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#106

Post by jerry1979 »

VancouverMan wrote: post #105
Slow_Hand wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This matches my personal experience. When I moved from Boston to Austin it was like night and day how different interactions with strangers were. Strangers in Boston kept to themselves and when you approached them it would have an air of “what are you trying to sell me?” in which their feet were already pointed away from you and they were prepared to keep walking. On the other hand, Texans are far more open to speak…

Density is attractive to individuals who want to exploit as many other people as efficiently as possible. For example, in the downtown areas of Canada's densest cities, before smartphones, about 90-95% of random strangers coming up to me wanted money, either as beggars or seeking donations for some "charity". The other 5-10% would generally be asking for directions or the time. Even those interactions could have alwa…

This doesn't really explain the PNW social freeze in places like Bellingham tho.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#107

Post by codelikeawolf »

smcin wrote: post #88
codelikeawolf wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is pretty on the nose for me. My wife and I moved from a Chicago suburb to Portland about 5 years ago. The amount of effort required just to strike up a convo with strangers (and keep it going) was pretty significant. We especially missed how acceptable giving people "the business" (i.e. harmless joking or razzing to lower someone's guard and make them feel comfortable) was so common where we grew up. You could…

Which area/suburb of Chicago?

We had a house in Villa Park. I grew up in Tinley Park.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#108

Post by PaulDavisThe1st »

gwright wrote: post #82
dieselgate wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m inthe PNW and feel this is largely situation dependent. Was camping in Oregon last weekend and was surprised by how many different groups of campers were conversing at length with one another. When on/around my boat at the marina it’s common for folks to chat openly. In my neighborhood it’s very much the opposite and there’s little/no eye contact and chatter.

I've found that campers/hikers anywhere are generally very approachable.

Because every one knows they'll never have to see each other again.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#109

Post by [deleted] »

MrVandemar wrote: post #91
GrumpyNl wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Walking your dog ( its cute and small) makes a big difference.

It also reduces the number of people with bad intentions who will approach you. A dog may be cute and small, but they are also fast, bitey, barky and very good on picking up threats.

[deleted]

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#110

Post by nilram »

codelikeawolf wrote: post #81
hackermatic wrote: post #17

The cultural differences about this are vast even in the United States. In the part of the Midwest where I grew up, strangers would come up and offer compliments about your outfit or car, make friendly small talk in the grocery store checkout line, or at least offer a quiet "hi" and smile when passing on the sidewalk. In the Pacific Northwest, we try not to even look at each other when passing, although people are fr…

This is pretty on the nose for me. My wife and I moved from a Chicago suburb to Portland about 5 years ago. The amount of effort required just to strike up a convo with strangers (and keep it going) was pretty significant. We especially missed how acceptable giving people "the business" (i.e. harmless joking or razzing to lower someone's guard and make them feel comfortable) was so common where we grew up. You could…

And which area of Portland? I've had generations of neighbors who I've never spoken with, or just hello'd. None that I've even sat down to dinner with.
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