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The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

economist.com

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Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#81

Post by codelikeawolf »

hackermatic wrote: post #17

The cultural differences about this are vast even in the United States. In the part of the Midwest where I grew up, strangers would come up and offer compliments about your outfit or car, make friendly small talk in the grocery store checkout line, or at least offer a quiet "hi" and smile when passing on the sidewalk. In the Pacific Northwest, we try not to even look at each other when passing, although people are fr…

This is pretty on the nose for me. My wife and I moved from a Chicago suburb to Portland about 5 years ago. The amount of effort required just to strike up a convo with strangers (and keep it going) was pretty significant. We especially missed how acceptable giving people "the business" (i.e. harmless joking or razzing to lower someone's guard and make them feel comfortable) was so common where we grew up. You could give someone sh*t for something trivial then end up helping them remodel their basement.

It was isolating for a while until we sort of gave up and accepted that people are just different out here. There's nothing wrong with that, but we're moving back to Chicago (for other reasons). We're looking forward to not having to jump through hoops just to have a meaningful convo with a stranger again.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#82

Post by gwright »

dieselgate wrote: post #32
Klonoar wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The PNW can get to talking eventually but it’s like pulling teeth before it catches. Maybe a better analogy is starting a lawnmower.

I’m inthe PNW and feel this is largely situation dependent. Was camping in Oregon last weekend and was surprised by how many different groups of campers were conversing at length with one another. When on/around my boat at the marina it’s common for folks to chat openly. In my neighborhood it’s very much the opposite and there’s little/no eye contact and chatter.

I've found that campers/hikers anywhere are generally very approachable.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#83

Post by dieselgate »

gwright wrote: post #82
dieselgate wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m inthe PNW and feel this is largely situation dependent. Was camping in Oregon last weekend and was surprised by how many different groups of campers were conversing at length with one another. When on/around my boat at the marina it’s common for folks to chat openly. In my neighborhood it’s very much the opposite and there’s little/no eye contact and chatter.

I've found that campers/hikers anywhere are generally very approachable.

For sure, one of the best parts to me about being in a National park for example is how happy and stoked on life everyone is

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#84

Post by musha68k »

hackermatic wrote: post #17

The cultural differences about this are vast even in the United States. In the part of the Midwest where I grew up, strangers would come up and offer compliments about your outfit or car, make friendly small talk in the grocery store checkout line, or at least offer a quiet "hi" and smile when passing on the sidewalk. In the Pacific Northwest, we try not to even look at each other when passing, although people are fr…

Geographical differences certainly ring true but I think it’s a bit of a generational thing as well?

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#85

Post by JustAPerson »

I’ve spent years of therapy trying to overcome my fear of talking to strangers. Mostly it just feels inappropriate and unwanted; like I would be intruding on people. I can talk to strangers when there’s an appropriate social context (e.g. clerks / service people). But lacking the right context, it feels deeply uncomfortable.

Has anyone overcome this problem? Where would you go to interact with strangers–importantly where there’s an appropriate social context that permits interacting.

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#86

Post by nico »

sph wrote: post #76
nico wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Try the book The Charisma Myth, it has some great exercises to help you do stuff like talking to strangers. You have to do the exercises though There is stuff there that can help you get people to talk to you without initiating the conversation yourself That book changed my life

I have the same issue as GP, and the Charisma Myth book has sat, unread, in my bookshelf for a year. I also bought the audiobook with my Audible trial, still unlistened. Self help books have a tendency to feel hollow and unsatisfying by the time you reach the end, but I really wish I could stop overthinking the process of striking a chat with a complete stranger. I am quite pleasant and I believe witty once the conve…

Try just reading the intro. It gives you 3 very simple exercises that work surprisingly fast and are pretty easy to do

I’d recommend to not read any further until you’ve done the exercises, every chapter has 1-3 different ones

Reading the book might help you understand some things about yourself or about people, but by far the most important thing is to do the exercises

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#87

Post by nico »

PartiallyTyped wrote: post #61
nico wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Try the book The Charisma Myth, it has some great exercises to help you do stuff like talking to strangers. You have to do the exercises though There is stuff there that can help you get people to talk to you without initiating the conversation yourself That book changed my life

There's something quite funny about reading a book, an activity usually enjoyed alone sans conversations, about well, conversations. Thanks for the recommendation, I will give it a try.

For sure. However, the most important thing is not reading the book, but doing the exercises

If you could do just one thing, I’d recommend only reading the intro and practicing the 3 tips/exercises as much as possible until they become a habit

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#88

Post by smcin »

codelikeawolf wrote: post #81
hackermatic wrote: post #17

The cultural differences about this are vast even in the United States. In the part of the Midwest where I grew up, strangers would come up and offer compliments about your outfit or car, make friendly small talk in the grocery store checkout line, or at least offer a quiet "hi" and smile when passing on the sidewalk. In the Pacific Northwest, we try not to even look at each other when passing, although people are fr…

This is pretty on the nose for me. My wife and I moved from a Chicago suburb to Portland about 5 years ago. The amount of effort required just to strike up a convo with strangers (and keep it going) was pretty significant. We especially missed how acceptable giving people "the business" (i.e. harmless joking or razzing to lower someone's guard and make them feel comfortable) was so common where we grew up. You could…

Which area/suburb of Chicago?

Re: The vital art of talking to strangers (2021)

#90

Post by Slow_Hand »

hackermatic wrote: post #17

The cultural differences about this are vast even in the United States. In the part of the Midwest where I grew up, strangers would come up and offer compliments about your outfit or car, make friendly small talk in the grocery store checkout line, or at least offer a quiet "hi" and smile when passing on the sidewalk. In the Pacific Northwest, we try not to even look at each other when passing, although people are fr…

This matches my personal experience. When I moved from Boston to Austin it was like night and day how different interactions with strangers were. Strangers in Boston kept to themselves and when you approached them it would have an air of “what are you trying to sell me?” in which their feet were already pointed away from you and they were prepared to keep walking.

On the other hand, Texans are far more open to speak with strangers and shoot the shit with people in public. There’s less rush to keep moving and people are far more open to chatting.

My theory is that population density may have an effect on this behavior. Boston is far more dense and when you ride the train or bus everyday people keep to themselves. It’s far more emotionally draining to keep interacting with everyone that you meet so people conserve their energy.

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