We Can't Compete with AI Girlfriends

that's not a problem with men or women, it's a problem with the apps. There should be apps that are strictly for scheduling casual hook ups and other apps that are for people looking for meaningful relationships. At the very least, if an app wants to cater to both markets, there should be a means to filter for that within the app. That way people who only want sex have an easy way to find it and nobody is wasting their time.

The OKCupid data doesn't bear this out. Men's ratings of women's attractiveness is fairly symmetric. Women's ratings of men's attractiveness is highly skewed and unrealistic.

This asymmetry is a fundamental law of online dating, as inescapable as gravity. If you were genuinely ignorant of this ... I really don't know what to say.

>And I'm telling you, from the female side of the exchange, it takes nearly nothing to be in the top 20% of profiles (could be done in 10 mins of thoughtful effort) and even less to be in the top 20% of conversations (keep pants zipped).

Of all the guys you swipe right on, what percentage are below 5'9?

But no, "it's not that easy" for most men to experience ANYTHING on Tindr. Just go look at posts on data reddits where people export their tindr profile into a visualization. The average "male" experience actually looks most like the experience of a (self described) "fat" woman. This matches what OkCupid found before they were purchased by Match.com and hid that blog post.

There's no shame or problem with women having a powerful market and getting what they need or want from above average men, but at the very least be honest with yourself about the position that puts unlucky or below average men in.

I recommend you ask to "run" a male friend's tinder for a day, especially if they don't do well on tinder. I once let my sister and her friend run my tinder, and it was eye opening just how little it took for them to swipe left on EVERYONE. "I don't like her smile", or "eh" or basically ANYONE below a 9 got left swiped, or anyone that had any opinion at all in their bio. It was insane. I was NOT the level of attractiveness to be that choosy. Even my current girlfriend says my bumble profile wasn't that attractive. Good thing she swiped right though, because she is very happy with the person I ended up being. All she had to do was look past physical appearance, IE, stop looking for 9s that were not interested anyway.

One thing I don't see people discussing (outside of women's spaces at least) is how sexual assault drives poor Tinder satisfaction (for both parties). Way too many women report being sexually assaulted or raped by their Tinder dates, often saying that Match.com does not respond to their accusations, putting other women at risk. Women will of course try to be more choosy from that, because getting raped for wanting a casual date or something is insane.

Both parties report strong dissatisfaction with apps like Tinder. Men swipe right on everyone because that's their only hope of getting ANY attention at all, literally relying on winning the lottery to get a single date, while women are extremely choosy and have very high expectations, because it's their market to dictate, but as long as they both do the "rational" thing, they will continue to suffer, because if you "defect" a la game theory, you objectively have a bad time.

https://amj.kma.re.kr/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1597&conte...

With a sample size of 29 women and 0 men, they presented 100 tinder profiles and asked them if they would swipe right or left. The sample size was all Korean and excluded anyone that looked "foreign" with no further explanation of what that meant. The women were likely to swipe right only 20-30% of the time, however, they go on to explain that while some 40% of the profiles were rejected by most participants, there was only 1 profile that was accepted by over 80% of participants.

At worst, this indicates that 40% of men are generally undesirable to a large part of the female population. But the researchers asked the participants why they rejected these most-rejected profiles:

> To better understand possible reasons for rejection we have additionally analyzed the profiles that were rejected the most (by more than 90% of the participants). In the majority of those pictures (61.5%), a man’s face could not be seen clearly, which supports previous findings. When a face can be seen, there was weird or unfriendly facial expression (60%) or excessive photo editing (20%), which were also mentioned during the qualitative stage as the reasons for swiping left.

So it sounds like this study is finding that profile presentation is much more of a factor for universal rejection than other factors such as aesthetics, fitness, status, etc.

This study has a small sample size, doesn't make the claims that the articles all make, and doesn't contain any data to support those articles. The study also assumes that all men will swipe right on all women in the study. When they run an experiment where they put 100 women and 100 men into the same study and show them each-others tinder profiles, maybe you'd be able to make the claim that 20% of men are dating 80% of men, but that's not what the study winds up saying. They say that women are rejecting ~80% of possible matches, but in aggregate, only about 30% of profiles had fewer than 5 of 29 swipe rights, and only 1% of the profiles were rejected by all participants and 1% of profiles were accepted by all participants.