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‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

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Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#91

Post by nradov »

datavirtue wrote: post #59
440hz wrote: post #39

I go to the gym every day and what I can say is that if it used to be a third place, now it has become more of a non-place[0]. Nobody talks to anyone anymore. People don't look at what's around them and are glued to their smartphones all the time while they rest. If you approach someone to ask something, and if they are also wearing headphones, make sure you repeat what you want to say, because inexplicably these che…

The repeal of the fairness doctrine was the final nuke. Boy has that come home to roost.

The fairness doctrine only ever applied to broadcast media. It was never a thing for online services, cable TV, or print media.

Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#92

Post by arrowsmith »

datavirtue wrote: post #58
arrowsmith wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not in any gym I've ever worked out in. Who strikes up a conversation with strangers in a gym locker room? That's not a place where I go for smalltalk; it would be like talking to the other men at the urinals while we're pissing. The best way to meet new people and make new friends, in my experience, isn't to simply be somewhere at a regular time - it's to do something which naturally involves interacting with the ot…

"it would be like talking to the other men at the urinals while we're pissing" Doesn't everyone do that?

Hold your peace while you hold your piece.

Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#93

Post by TaylorAlexander »

acchow wrote: post #88
TaylorAlexander wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think Friends showed us what we most deeply desire - a life without concern for work where we spend most of our time with our loved ones at a Third Place away from home and work. I agree it is not literally realistic, but it could be viewed as aspirational. Youtuber Andrewism made an excellent video about the Third Place last week that explains what various thinkers have written about these places, and considers ho…

I much prefer having people over at home or going to their home over a Third Place. I think the only Third Place I really like is a park with a view.

In a world where our third places have degraded this is not surprising. I am walking distance to an Oakland hacker space and I love their social nights. Of course I love having friends over to my place too, but a good third place is lovely.

Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#94

Post by dopidopHN »

datavirtue wrote: post #61
Supply5411 wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>avoid suffering for a few minutes Not sure where you live, but where I've lived, they form camps, do drugs in the open, scream at people, and vandalize their surroundings. They make a good environment hostile to everyone. That's what most people are angry about.

In Ohio we have professional hobos. People that hang out with signs, know all the laws, dress a certain way, make themselves up all dirty, and beg for money. They do quite well with the fools here. You can see them change out for shifts. Whole families cycle through the shifts or work in a group with their children on display.

I guess they are entertainer then ?

I’ve seen that described several time here on this forum.

I’m skeptical that those people really do “well for themselves”.

But I’m open to it?

I doubt they have sick day or that they’re saving for retirement. But who know?

Who you say they make more than a service industry worker for instance ( per hour )

Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#95

Post by dopidopHN »

gumby wrote: post #12

Cities in Europe, Japan, and Korea still have vibrant and central "third place" cultures, perhaps because the apartments tend to be smaller. Loneliness in Europe IMHO seems more to occur outside cities where density is lower, though even there people our "out and about" more than I see in the US suburbs.

France is recently obsessed with “tier lieux” in rural place.

Coffee place, book exchange, brewery, shop-postoffice-coffee, second hand shop and the mix of all the above.

I go there every year or so, this year the “tier lieu” is what striked me as strong trend.

It’s not new, but it’s on everyone lips.

Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#96

Post by spidersenses »

dopidopHN wrote: post #90

> In Germany, they have a term for the beer you drink as you walk to the next bar, a "wegbier." The US has that too, but in New Orleans mostly. It’s called a too go cup and it’s mighty convenient. Also, New Orleans is full of third places and so tiny that a bike is plenty to move around

>In Germany, they have a term for the beer you drink as you walk to the next bar, a "wegbier."

There is a humorous pun on “Wegbier”. It is sometimes called “Fusspils” (foot beer) which is a homophone of “Fusspilz” (athlete’s foot).

Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#97

Post by sublinear »

refurb wrote: post #65
hypeit wrote: post #4

> We can see this shift everywhere. The characters of the biggest shows of the '90s — "Friends," "Seinfeld," "Cheers" — spent the overwhelming majority of their time hanging out at the café, diner, and bar, and work was either an afterthought or a running joke. These were television shows, not reality. Even in the 80s and 90s you couldn't spend all of your time in a Manhattan coffee shop or a bar (unless you were a d…

These were television shows, not reality. This article is wild. It's conflating television with real life. How did we get to this point?

> How did we get to this point?

Don't reflect on society based on what some article leads you to believe.

We haven't conflated a damn thing. This article is an ad meant to influence on several topics ranging from politics (civil engineering, gentrification, etc.) to the literal brands mentioned. So much content on the internet is like this these days: a mess of paid junk trying to emulate real opinions hoping something catches.

Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#98

Post by JackMorgan »

440hz wrote: post #39

I go to the gym every day and what I can say is that if it used to be a third place, now it has become more of a non-place[0]. Nobody talks to anyone anymore. People don't look at what's around them and are glued to their smartphones all the time while they rest. If you approach someone to ask something, and if they are also wearing headphones, make sure you repeat what you want to say, because inexplicably these che…

As a life long gym rat, CrossFit is definitely the exception to this. And not even every class, you'll really want to ask the instructors which class is the "social" class. I've seen boxes where 4/5 classes are people woodenly exercising and leaving, and then one class everyone is friends and always are throwing parties and having a good time.

Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#99

Post by Fluorescence »

hypeit wrote: post #4

> We can see this shift everywhere. The characters of the biggest shows of the '90s — "Friends," "Seinfeld," "Cheers" — spent the overwhelming majority of their time hanging out at the café, diner, and bar, and work was either an afterthought or a running joke. These were television shows, not reality. Even in the 80s and 90s you couldn't spend all of your time in a Manhattan coffee shop or a bar (unless you were a d…

They actually seem pretty accurate depictions of friend groups to me.

Friends: the friend group was defined by college room-mate, family and room-mates i.e. people thrust together as a unit and then socialising together. They went to Central Perk as this unit, and did not become friends through it.

Seinfeld: the friend group was defined by college room-mate, a neighbour and an ex-girlfriend. They didn't meet in third-places, they went to the diner as that unit. That Kramer was an outgoing weirdo using his proximity to basically force himself into a pre-existing relationship is familiar. The presence of Elaine is unusual but she was basically grafted-on to fix a sitcom rather than drawn from real life.

Cheers: this is more of the "people you know at a third place" but the running joke was that despite drinking every day with each other, they weren't really friends and didn't even like each other. This type of "regular acquaintance" is perhaps a familiar experience for a lonely adult struggling to find new friends. You can shoot the breeze with someone you see regularly but it's a constrained relationship.

It's unfortunate that the strangers who want to talk at third-places are only the Kramers and Cliffs of the world. A combination of bores and nutters that you have to actively avoid. Anyone vaguely normal has ear-buds in and head down. It would be nice to try and reverse that. At a minimum, normalise saying "hello" to strangers as a polite necessity instead of a red flag. For some reason it's common when hiking but not in a city. I'm more likely to chat to a stranger in the wilderness than a dense neighbourhood.

Re: ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’ knew the cure for loneliness

#100

Post by JackMorgan »

Last year I moved to the downtown of a small progressive college town (definitely not a party school). I joined the volunteer fire department, and then 2-3 times a week I walk across the street to local coffeeshop for breakfast. I do all my grocery shopping for two days at a time at the small bodega across the street and just carry my groceries back. I go to a bunch of local theater shows. There's a community center, so I go to events at that. There's a train station if I need to go into the big city, but I rarely even use it now. I hardly use the car at all anymore.

A year later, I know dozens of people. I know the mayor and half the city counsel. I cannot walk anywhere without getting waved at by 2-3 people. For the first time in my life since college, I feel like I have a community.

There's very real cons: it's more expensive, I've got no private yard, and my apartment is hot and tiny.

But I really enjoy the sense of community. It definitely helps me feel connected.

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