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Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

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Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#171

Post by JohnFen »

jacquesm wrote: post #54
smohnot wrote: post #35

Mr. Rogers was my actual neighbor in Pittsburgh in 1999-2000, while I was at CMU. He would really go out of his way to have social interactions. He would always say hello and ask how you were doing in a way that felt like he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer. Case of the person in real life being exactly like what he seems like on TV.

This is one thing that always got me about the United States: people will ask you how you are doing, but they don't actually mean it, it's just a required pre-amble, a bit like the tones a modem uses to sync up with the other end. If he did it in a way that he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer that alone would set him apart in a very distinctive way. Most people really don't want to know the answer, but th…

> This is one thing that always got me about the United States: people will ask you how you are doing, but they don't actually mean it

Yes, we use it like "hello" -- but not always. Sometimes we mean it.

Since this use of "How are you?" trips up people from other nations so much, I've tried to be more aware of this. My compromise is that when I mean it as a greeting rather than a query, I'll say "Howzitgoing" like a single word. If I mean it as a query, I'll look the person in the eye and ask "How are you doing?"

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#173

Post by dools »

jacquesm wrote: post #54
smohnot wrote: post #35

Mr. Rogers was my actual neighbor in Pittsburgh in 1999-2000, while I was at CMU. He would really go out of his way to have social interactions. He would always say hello and ask how you were doing in a way that felt like he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer. Case of the person in real life being exactly like what he seems like on TV.

This is one thing that always got me about the United States: people will ask you how you are doing, but they don't actually mean it, it's just a required pre-amble, a bit like the tones a modem uses to sync up with the other end. If he did it in a way that he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer that alone would set him apart in a very distinctive way. Most people really don't want to know the answer, but th…

Fun fact: I recently learned that in Fiji they ask "where are you going?" instead of "how are you doing?". They have a "how are you doing" greeting as well, but passing someone in the street you would say "where are you going?" to which there can be both generic and specific responses. I'm not sure if they're any more or less interested in the response but I just found it interesting.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#174

Post by tasty_freeze »

We got a small, older dog a couple years ago, mostly for my wife. She has health issues and can't walk the dog, so it fell on me. At first I was kind of resentful. The dog is ponderous and doesn't really take direction much, and I'm way too short on free time.

Well, I've lived in the neighborhood for ten years and only when I started walking the dog did I start meeting a bunch of people in the neighborhood. I still would like an extra 30 minutes of free time a day, but my life is a lot richer socially.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#175

Post by alisonatwork »

rimunroe wrote: post #155
midasuni wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Those are normal expectation of living in society. Talking you your neighbour is not. I’m sure it was decades ago in the curtain twitching world where people stayed living int he same street for decades, but not today in a highly movable world. Certainly not for me any my peers. any interactions I make are slot my own choosing, that I happen to live near someone is of no consequence. If I did park my car in a ditch t…

> Those are normal expectation of living in society. Talking you your neighbour is not. Given how our language has a word, "neighborly", to describe friendly, helpful behavior, I think the burden is on you here for explaining why talking to your neighbor isn't a thing one can normally expect. I don't think you've done that yet. > I’m sure it was decades ago in the curtain twitching world where people stayed living in…

I'm not sure if age has much to do with people's feelings on the importance of "neighborliness", but since you think it matters - I am in my 40s.

I live happily alone. I have never owned a house and I have no desire to ever own one. I don't greet my neighbors and never have. And yet, somehow, I am still able to function in society. In my current place, I have spoken to my neighbors once or twice, when a problem was affecting the building, or the floor, or just our section of the floor. We communicated well enough to contact the landlord and decide who would stay home when the workman came. We have collaborated to solve shared problems, as any human in society does. I don't know their names or anything about their private lives, though. It's not relevant. They're not my friends, they are just part of my community.

From my perspective the idea that only friends are capable of helping one another out is a really pessimistic view of the world that - when applied broadly - results in corruption and injustice. I place a greater importance on civil society then on friendship, and I am grateful to live amongst neighbors who apparently feel the same.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#176

Post by basisword »

datavirtue wrote: post #102
ssully wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Big time. I have a neighbor about half a block from me that would harass me when I would walk my dogs by his house. Based on his behavior I assume he struggles with some mental issues. The one positive is I avoid his house completely, so now my standard dog walking route is a block longer, so more exercise for me and the dogs.

We have one particular neighbor who would greet everyone and chat with them. He was always out walking his little dog. Very nice. Next thing you know, someone is freaked out, posting a Ring video of him violently knocking on their front door (that was it, nothing else). It was so strange seeing this unfold on camera. Nearly everyone has talked to this guy and thought he was very nice. The people who's door he was ban…

Those doorbells should be banned. Numerous times I’ve seen videos posted on local Facebook groups of completely innocuous situations that freaked out some paranoid curtain twitcher. Recently someone posted a video of a kid knocking her door: “Anyone know who this is? I think they’re up to something”.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#178

Post by lotsofpulp »

ttymck wrote: post #33
barbazoo wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do those "neighborhoods" even have sidewalks then?

Not always, and, in my experience, the answer is increasingly "no".

I have not seen of a single new development in the US without sidewalks in the last 20 years+. It must be the law in 99% of cities to build a sidewalk anytime a property is developed.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#179

Post by toomuchtodo »

JohnFen wrote: post #156
smohnot wrote: post #35

Mr. Rogers was my actual neighbor in Pittsburgh in 1999-2000, while I was at CMU. He would really go out of his way to have social interactions. He would always say hello and ask how you were doing in a way that felt like he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer. Case of the person in real life being exactly like what he seems like on TV.

Mister Rogers was a genuinely wonderful person, who I always strived to emulate (and always failed to do as well as I should). The world is much poorer without him.

But people are still talking about him and trying because of him. He’s left a rich legacy behind. Being kind is mostly free.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#180

Post by rimunroe »

alisonatwork wrote: post #175
rimunroe wrote: post #155

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Those are normal expectation of living in society. Talking you your neighbour is not. Given how our language has a word, "neighborly", to describe friendly, helpful behavior, I think the burden is on you here for explaining why talking to your neighbor isn't a thing one can normally expect. I don't think you've done that yet. > I’m sure it was decades ago in the curtain twitching world where people stayed living in…

I'm not sure if age has much to do with people's feelings on the importance of "neighborliness", but since you think it matters - I am in my 40s. I live happily alone. I have never owned a house and I have no desire to ever own one. I don't greet my neighbors and never have. And yet, somehow, I am still able to function in society. In my current place, I have spoken to my neighbors once or twice, when a problem was a…

> I'm not sure if age has much to do with people's feelings on the importance of "neighborliness", but since you think it matters - I am in my 40s.

I think someone's experience of major life events probably plays into this. I don't think it fully determines someone's position obviously, but I'd be pretty surprised if it didn't correlate somewhat. There are always going to be outliers though.

> I don't greet my neighbors and never have. And yet, somehow, I am still able to function in society.

I don't doubt that's true, and I didn't say you couldn't function in society either. When I lived in apartments I didn't say hi to my neighbors much either, as in that case the landlord fulfills a lot of the same type of role, and neighbors come and go much faster.

> From my perspective the idea that only friends are capable of helping one another out is a really pessimistic view of the world that - when applied broadly - results in corruption and injustice.

I agree. That would indeed be a very pessimistic view of the world. For what it's worth I don't think I said anything of the sort. I do think people are more likely to help out people they know and like though. I don't know if that's good or not, but I think it's true. Regardless, I don't know how you'd reach out to someone you didn't have contact info for, and knowing someone's routine surely helps as well.

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