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How to communicate when trust is low without digging yourself into a deeper hole

charity.wtf

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Re: How to communicate when trust is low without digging yourself into a deeper hole

#161

Post by sublinear »

MichaelZuo wrote: post #156
jahewson wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> it's not appropriate for the disadvantaged side to be making sacrifices. No it totally is. The entire point in it being a sacrifice is that it comes at some cost and it’s not something you have to do. If you’re basically forced to do it, it’s not a sacrifice. If it’s no sweat of your back, it’s not a sacrifice. This applies to both parties. There’s no one-dimensional thing called “power”. If there was then there wo…

Agree, this happens all the time in the real world, in fact close to the norm in some situations. e.g. Secretary messes up bosses' calendar/email/etc... really badly, usually with the help of a computer, and has to work overtime to fix it, without extra compensation.

That's not sacrifice.

Re: How to communicate when trust is low without digging yourself into a deeper hole

#162

Post by tamimio »

ketzo wrote: post #18

> TRY TO SOUND FRIENDLY. > Say "please" and "thank you"... use emojis... I'll add to this one -- use exclamation points! It's actually ridiculous how effective all these little things are. In my experience, men, engineers, and especially engineers who are men tend to think of this as unnecessary fluff. They often decline to add these little social niceties because to them, they sound inauthentic. That's not a charact…

>In my experience, men, engineers, and especially engineers who are men tend to think of

Not necessarily, I’ve worked with engineers/men who used emojis as a passive aggressive response, goes like “oh no, not like that, it’s XYZ :)”

Re: How to communicate when trust is low without digging yourself into a deeper hole

#163

Post by MichaelZuo »

sublinear wrote: post #161
MichaelZuo wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agree, this happens all the time in the real world, in fact close to the norm in some situations. e.g. Secretary messes up bosses' calendar/email/etc... really badly, usually with the help of a computer, and has to work overtime to fix it, without extra compensation.

That's not sacrifice.

Because...?

Re: How to communicate when trust is low without digging yourself into a deeper hole

#164

Post by notnaut »

sublinear wrote: post #161
MichaelZuo wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agree, this happens all the time in the real world, in fact close to the norm in some situations. e.g. Secretary messes up bosses' calendar/email/etc... really badly, usually with the help of a computer, and has to work overtime to fix it, without extra compensation.

That's not sacrifice.

Sure it is. Fucking up is part of a job. If you’re working 9-5 on the clock, you don’t have to fix shit after 5. Choosing to stick around to fix your mistake off hours without pay when you could do it the next day or take comp time later is a sacrifice of your time/money.

Re: How to communicate when trust is low without digging yourself into a deeper hole

#166

Post by wahnfrieden »

notnaut wrote: post #164
sublinear wrote: post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's not sacrifice.

Sure it is. Fucking up is part of a job. If you’re working 9-5 on the clock, you don’t have to fix shit after 5. Choosing to stick around to fix your mistake off hours without pay when you could do it the next day or take comp time later is a sacrifice of your time/money.

That’s wage theft. It’s criminal to expect or not compensate for (unless salaried which is free season for exploitation)

Re: How to communicate when trust is low without digging yourself into a deeper hole

#167

Post by langsoul-com »

dilyevsky wrote: post #13

From experience CC advice and other similar corp bs techniques are like “self defense class” techniques of communication meaning they only work if the other party is well meaning and actively cooperating. Which is to say they rarely work even if properly executed.

Isn't that the case for everything? Trying to repair a relationship is difficult and might fail. But, not doing anything will 100% doom it.

So wouldn't it be better to make an effort, then, if you've given a reasonable effort to ditch the relationship?

Re: How to communicate when trust is low without digging yourself into a deeper hole

#168

Post by dilyevsky »

langsoul-com wrote: post #167
dilyevsky wrote: post #13

From experience CC advice and other similar corp bs techniques are like “self defense class” techniques of communication meaning they only work if the other party is well meaning and actively cooperating. Which is to say they rarely work even if properly executed.

Isn't that the case for everything? Trying to repair a relationship is difficult and might fail. But, not doing anything will 100% doom it. So wouldn't it be better to make an effort, then, if you've given a reasonable effort to ditch the relationship?

Some other comments have touched on that already - in short, it's worth considering the risk of being taken advantage of.

Re: How to communicate when trust is low without digging yourself into a deeper hole

#169

Post by jancsika »

jahewson wrote: post #154
davesque wrote: post #96

Something I think is missing from this list: make a sacrifice for the sake of the other person. If trust has been damaged, it might take more than just talk to repair it. You may need to give the other person part of what they want as a gesture of good will. I've seen this go a long way in certain situations. Of course, this comes with some caveats. For example, if there's a power imbalance in a damaged relationship,…

> it's not appropriate for the disadvantaged side to be making sacrifices. No it totally is. The entire point in it being a sacrifice is that it comes at some cost and it’s not something you have to do. If you’re basically forced to do it, it’s not a sacrifice. If it’s no sweat of your back, it’s not a sacrifice. This applies to both parties. There’s no one-dimensional thing called “power”. If there was then there wo…

> If you’re basically forced to do it, it’s not a sacrifice.

You just declared this by fiat. People are forced into making sacrifices all the time, and there are no logical fallacies up their sleeves.

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