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Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

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Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#21
post #8

Google hypergamy

Or don't. Here's a TL;DR: It's a relatively small effect where men tend to go for women more attractive than they are, and women tend to go for men who have higher status and earnings than they do.

Certain circles like to misrepresent it as responsible for why so many men remain single, but in reality people tend to match with those close to them in social status and earnings, with just a bit of the bias remaining unexplained by wage inequality.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#22
This is a topic HN just cannot talk about sanely.

"Matching" is very dependent upon culture. But HN is a non-random smattering of people from all over the globe-across very many cultures. Of course there are going to be very important differences. Considering how deep within a culture "matching" is, it probably can't be discussed by random elements from so many cultures without becoming heated.

We all love to pander to the idea that the internet is some great thing and capable of solving all social ails. Maybe it can't? Or, maybe the internet can't until all the various cultures agree to some fundamental tenets in order to interact respectfully across cultures.

A starting point could be something like "agree to disagree" or agreement to non-interact on contrasting topics.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#23
post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

Agreed. But isnt feminism about equality? Look, the inequality on Dating Apps is natural - it is a result of biologic difference between genders and their behavior. Certainly nothing wrong with that - you dont correct these. The others - like salaries, (which are of course also subjects to these differences) they want to correct them. Why? Because it benefits them - to have their cake and to eat it.

Another way to look at it is that the dating asymmetry comes from risk asymmetry. The big risks are pregnancy, violence, and slut-shaming, and those fall far more on females than males.

- Pregnancy is a solved problem in humane technological societies.

- Violence by men against women could be ameliorated significantly by teaching boys better and prosecuting sex crime better.

- Slut-shaming is just jealous recidivist authoritarianism.

Knuckle-dragging conservatives on power trips are the issue.

Your average redpilled incel would get more of the sex they desperately crave, if they (and society at large) stopped making sexual friendliness such an unappealing strategy for women.

That said, to suggest that it's feminists' duty to give men more pussy is a rebarbative position to find yourself in, so... maybe time to rethink?

At the very least, have the honesty to weigh the negative of not getting your ding-a-ling wet against the negative of possibly being dumped in a ditch with bruises on your neck.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#25
post #12
post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed. But isnt feminism about equality? Look, the inequality on Dating Apps is natural - it is a result of biologic difference between genders and their behavior. Certainly nothing wrong with that - you dont correct these. The others - like salaries, (which are of course also subjects to these differences) they want to correct them. Why? Because it benefits them - to have their cake and to eat it.

The true question is why are salaries (amongst many other things) subject to the gender. And from what I read above your comment, people do want to correct it in the dating apps too. So, misplaced anger over self?

If I had truly misplaced anger over my self, would that make my argument less valid? Can you really say - well this person's point of view is invalid, because he is, indeed, acting in some sort of anger without knowing anything really about me?

Honestly, I am not angry with myself. And back to the discussion - will that make you listen? :)

I dont want to correct dating apps at all. I said its natural. But I want you to acknowledge, that the difference in behavior is because of gender. And that difference shows in other areas (like willing to take risks - to change jobs for better salary). And to make the conlusion - that if we agree it doesnt make sense to fix dating then it is truly stupid idea to try to artifically "fix" inequalities in the salaries. Because they are natural - an effect of gender behavior differences.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#26

Men are applying and women are hiring. Half the candidates are lying on their resumes. Many candidates are spamming their resumes indiscriminately. If you've ever had to hire someone for a position that attracts hundreds of candidates (i.e. software engineer with decent pay), you'll encounter the same dynamic. I hate being in that role. I have to reject 199 people and accept 1. Often, there are dozens of qualified ca…

[dead]

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#27
post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're not doing anyone a favor with these statements.

i don't really care, but it's interesting to me that you seem to be more willing to go to bat for the person who feels as though they are owed attention from women.

You seem to misread almost every statement, which makes me believe you do care. Perhaps associations, misconceptions or emotional negativity get in the way.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#28
At risk of making myself look like a loser, I'll share my experience.

I have tried dating apps and occasionally get matches but it never really turns into anything. When you realise the girl on the other side has an abundance of men blowing up her phone with first messages, you realise it's hopeless.

The usual advice is to date through your network of friends instead, but I'm a very solitary individual. I haven't got a network, I left school early. I tried building one, only to be shown disinterest. I don't have any opportunities to associate with other young people, I don't use social media, and I'm working all the time at a bank (not exactly an environment to fraternise in.)

I understand the bitterness of incels, but in my opinion, it's misplaced. Us men would be just as picky if we had so much choice. I think the damage social media, dating apps, and COVID have done to the social fabric is beyond comprehension.

I'm only 22 but have essentially given up. In a way, I can just move on with my life and accept what I can't change.

In fact, the most frustrating part about it all is probably the vague "bro-advice" about "putting yourself out there." What does that even mean? I'm not a shut-in. I go to bars and nightclubs, I travel. Doesn't mean people want welcome some random dude into their circle.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#29
post #23
post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed. But isnt feminism about equality? Look, the inequality on Dating Apps is natural - it is a result of biologic difference between genders and their behavior. Certainly nothing wrong with that - you dont correct these. The others - like salaries, (which are of course also subjects to these differences) they want to correct them. Why? Because it benefits them - to have their cake and to eat it.

Another way to look at it is that the dating asymmetry comes from risk asymmetry. The big risks are pregnancy, violence, and slut-shaming, and those fall far more on females than males. - Pregnancy is a solved problem in humane technological societies. - Violence by men against women could be ameliorated significantly by teaching boys better and prosecuting sex crime better. - Slut-shaming is just jealous recidivist…

Dating is not particularly dangerous for women. When women get murdered it is most often by their long term partner, by an ex, or stalker.

Guys can be real jerks when online dating, but it's not true that women are likely to end up in a ditch because of a coffee date gone awry.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#30
post #28

At risk of making myself look like a loser, I'll share my experience. I have tried dating apps and occasionally get matches but it never really turns into anything. When you realise the girl on the other side has an abundance of men blowing up her phone with first messages, you realise it's hopeless. The usual advice is to date through your network of friends instead, but I'm a very solitary individual. I haven't got…

I'm 31 and I find myself agreeing with a lot of what you wrote.
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