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Never waste a midlife crisis

austinkleon.com

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Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#191

Post by suction »

OO000oo wrote: post #77
sph wrote: post #27

Good advice, from a 36 year old middle aged man 3 years into a midlife crisis after a massive work-related burnout event. A couple more pieces of advice from me: * A midlife crisis has its own glacial pace. Be prepared to be upside down for a long time. * Be prepared not to be the same person you were before. Be prepared to learn there is no turning back. * If you're in a midlife crisis, your previous life was simply…

38 yo male now starting to think I don’t know what a midlife crisis is.

[dead]

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#193

Post by operatingthetan »

layman51 wrote: post #124
sph wrote: post #27

Good advice, from a 36 year old middle aged man 3 years into a midlife crisis after a massive work-related burnout event. A couple more pieces of advice from me: * A midlife crisis has its own glacial pace. Be prepared to be upside down for a long time. * Be prepared not to be the same person you were before. Be prepared to learn there is no turning back. * If you're in a midlife crisis, your previous life was simply…

May I ask for further advice on your fourth bullet point about “outsourcing your mental health”? I understand you might need to shop around like you maybe go to a cognitive-behavioral therapist, or psychoanalyst, or buy a Transcendental Meditation (TM) course.

>or buy a Transcendental Meditation (TM) course.

That's a cult, so maybe some other kind.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#194

Post by flir »

tayo42 wrote: post #175
sph wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It was being a little cheeky. And if a massive burnout whose first month was having daily panic attacks and 3 years to recover is garden variety, I am afraid to know what a serious one entails ;) Depression was part of the baggage I was carrying around all my life. It's hard to say, given the state of things, but perhaps depression is one thing I was lucky to shed during this phase.

What exactly is a panic attack? Like your just watching TV and suddenly convinced you'll die? Or was it like at work, something woukd happen and you freak out?

I'll attempt an answer: it's your flight-or-flight response kicking in, without any obvious reason for it to do so. Oxygen intake goes up, muscles tense up, adrenaline production kicks in, but there's nothing for your body to "spend" these physiological changes on (like running for your life), so it just sloshes around causing panic attack symptoms (eg sweating, trembling, shortness of breath, chest pain, nausea, detachment, fear of dying).

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#195

Post by dotnet00 »

ctrlp wrote: post #163
p1esk wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Think about the life your typical therapist is leading What kind of life are they leading?

If they are performing according to the profession's own standards, then they spend their working days involved in other people's problems, delusions, traumas, grievances, morbidities, obsessions, suicides, etc, (not to mention various mental disorders). This probably accounts for high rates of burnout among them. But, ask yourself, what about the ones who don't burn out? What is it about them that allows them to do…

It can be as simple as them having found coping mechanisms or support systems that work for them. No need to invoke weird conspiracies about them being mentally ill.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#196

Post by magicink81 »

kaitai wrote: post #104
sdwr wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> the experience of most people is "dark matter" Love this, maps really well onto my experience. I see (and feel) a sharp deliniation between do-ers and be-ers, with the be-ers wishing they could do, and the do-ers not having time to process what they're doing. > for ordinary people and their families it's profoundly harmful People want (and believe they deserve) what they used to have, or what they see someone else…

"I think the crux of the midlife crisis is coming to terms with tradeoffs. Everyone has spent potential to get where they are, and there aren't do-overs." done " or you think "I only have (x) years left, it's too late already." But either way, the crux of the matter is that you have a limited set of choices left. You had a limited set of choices before, too, but young people don't realize that. They don't quite feel…

I had the sense last year that the limitless desire for a different life is a destructive force.

Mid-life crisis examples of how this desire shows up as regret: "What if I had stayed with that previous girlfriend instead of marrying my wife?", "What if I had moved to this other city instead of my home?", etc.

My personal conclusion is that this limitless desire is a dark pit of despair with no bottom. This may be part of the reasoning behind the tenth commandment seems to be applicable - "You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

That desire can be toxic to the point of destruction is mostly treated as a foreign concept to our contemporary world.

So, I made the conscious choice to go in the other direction toward the light, and to see what adventure awaits over there.

Not sure fully what that means yet, but a part of it at least is accepting and embracing my own life as it is today, including all of the constraints.

It seems to me like the path out of the mid-life crisis is about signing up for the next adventure, letting go of the past, and looking forward to what's still to come. And most definitely not letting "desire for else" ruin my gratitude for the fact that I am highly fortunate, and still quite able to live, experience, do, and be so much.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#198

Post by operatingthetan »

kgwxd wrote: post #63
theduder99 wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

sounds like Jung's idea has you.

Or you could just look out the window and see Jung simply made an objective observation. Facts don't need an authoritative voice to make them any truer.

I think you're sidestepping an important nuance of what Jung was saying.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#199

Post by akomtu »

nytesky wrote: post #110

Midlife crisis is about recognizing your mortality and limited time left, and looking at what you have done and finding it comes up short to what you hoped for your life. The reality of how little time you have left is a key component, that death is stalking every decision and will likely curtail some plans.

One curious explanation of midlife crisis I've seen was that at the age of 33 the "spark of spirit" completes its connection with its earthly vessel, looks down and expresses its major disappointment with how little has been done. The more advanced, who haven't wasted time, this connection feels like sudden rush of wisdom and intuition.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#200

Post by edanm »

boringg wrote: post #72
sircastor wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That’s tricky though, because the decision you can live with becomes the decision your partner and children also have to live with - and they get much less choice in the matter.

True but if you make a decision that makes you a bitter adult then they have to live with that as well - as a role model for your kids no less. No easy answers unfortunately.

You're right, but just to point out the obvious - you can decide (to some extent) not to be bitter, even if you aren't fulfilled at your job.

Many people, in fact most people, and certainly most people throughout history, have worked not because it was the thing they wanted to do to be most fulfilled. They worked because they had to provide for their family.

The choice isn't binary - it's not "do something you love and not be bitter" vs "work to provide and be bitter". You can also choose "work to provide, understand the tradeoff you're making, and accept it". You can still have a plenty fulfilling life outside of your job - many people do.

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