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Never waste a midlife crisis

austinkleon.com

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Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#121

Post by xyzelement »

UncleOxidant wrote: post #4
xyzelement wrote: post #2

I wonder if the mid life crisis is a completely modern and secular malady. Thinking to my religious friends who have 5+ kids, a rich spiritual life and deep engagement with community, it's very hard to imagine them going through one. Because they are too busy, but mainly because their life is oriented from the get-go around what is very meaningful to them

When those 5+ kids move out of the house, that's when those guys tend to have their midlife crisis.

I think it's again a modern secular assumption that your kids move out and there's some sort of deep emptiness.

The traditional expectation is that your kids move out to be married and bless you with grandchildren, not to abandon you to rot.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#122

Post by shannifin »

I'm not sure I understand what exactly the advice is. Is it just "don't be afraid to do something risky, as you might regret not going for it"? That doesn't seem helpful to me, I can easily regret doing something I really wanted to do before.

"I can be penniless or I can be bitter." Why not both? If I try something risky and fail and end up penniless, I'll be penniless and bitter.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#123

Post by jkhdigital »

BaseballPhysics wrote: post #88
OO000oo wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

38 yo male now starting to think I don’t know what a midlife crisis is.

IMO the term is so diluted as to be meaningless. Burnout isn't a mid-life crisis. Changing your career doesn't necessarily mean you're having a mid-life crisis. Changing your personal circumstances doesn't necessarily imply a midlife crisis. Every definition I know of includes a sense of existential angst, a feeling of regret, of lost potential, of questioning identity, of a fear of mortality. But simply realizing yo…

Hadn’t heard that list of “symptoms” before but… I guess that means I am in a midlife crisis at 39.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#124

Post by layman51 »

sph wrote: post #27

Good advice, from a 36 year old middle aged man 3 years into a midlife crisis after a massive work-related burnout event. A couple more pieces of advice from me: * A midlife crisis has its own glacial pace. Be prepared to be upside down for a long time. * Be prepared not to be the same person you were before. Be prepared to learn there is no turning back. * If you're in a midlife crisis, your previous life was simply…

May I ask for further advice on your fourth bullet point about “outsourcing your mental health”? I understand you might need to shop around like you maybe go to a cognitive-behavioral therapist, or psychoanalyst, or buy a Transcendental Meditation (TM) course.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#125

Post by ctrlp »

sph wrote: post #27

Good advice, from a 36 year old middle aged man 3 years into a midlife crisis after a massive work-related burnout event. A couple more pieces of advice from me: * A midlife crisis has its own glacial pace. Be prepared to be upside down for a long time. * Be prepared not to be the same person you were before. Be prepared to learn there is no turning back. * If you're in a midlife crisis, your previous life was simply…

[flagged]

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#126

Post by j0hnyl »

pclmulqdq wrote: post #119
sharkweek wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’d say in my social circle most people hit a crisis of self around 30 years old, and most were out of the funk 2-3 years following. Most are doing well now as we hit 40, curios if is struck sooner for our generation.

That might be a "quarter-life crisis" not a mid-life crisis. Mid-life crises are usually 45-50.

The American Psychological Association considers middle age to begin at 35.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#127

Post by jodacola »

I turned 40 last year, shortly after “making it” to my career goal: CTO of a hyper-growth start-up.

Shortly after my birthday, my daughter, who had just started middle school, was hospitalized because she was suicidal.

What I believe has been a midlife crisis exploded with such tremendous force, I thought I was losing my mind. Thank goodness for good therapy, which I immediately sought.

This is the most profound reconfiguration I’ve ever experienced.

I’m excited for the person I’ll be at the other end of this, and how my life will feel, but I’ve learned there is no planning for any of this. There is no white-knuckling any of this.

I’m relearning how to connect to myself and how to shape a life around that connection.

It’s not easy. It’s not close to done. It’s exciting. Terrifying.

To the author’s point: I’m not wasting this opportunity. That doesn’t mean I’m writing books or or doing things to keep busy. For me, wasting this opportunity would be ignoring the incredible self-reflection, forgoing the reconnection with self, and powering through the burnout and discomfort to keep on with plans I laid for reasons I’m not sure I fully understand anymore.

There is a peace I’m sensing, and I can’t wait until I’m fully aligned with it.

For those of you experiencing similar, I wish you the best. I think our best years are ahead of us.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#128

Post by j0hnyl »

xyzelement wrote: post #2

I wonder if the mid life crisis is a completely modern and secular malady. Thinking to my religious friends who have 5+ kids, a rich spiritual life and deep engagement with community, it's very hard to imagine them going through one. Because they are too busy, but mainly because their life is oriented from the get-go around what is very meaningful to them

Secular people seem way more emotionally stable to me than those I would call religious.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#129

Post by shannifin »

nytesky wrote: post #110

Midlife crisis is about recognizing your mortality and limited time left, and looking at what you have done and finding it comes up short to what you hoped for your life. The reality of how little time you have left is a key component, that death is stalking every decision and will likely curtail some plans.

This is true, but I find it's also difficult to really judge the worth of what I've done in life. My mind's default for judging is: "Was my work popular? Did it make good money?" And all my endeavors have certainly failed in those regards. But of course there are many things we do in daily life that can hardly be judged that way, and whose effects we cannot see.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#130

Post by kirse »

hirvi74 wrote: post #108
version_five wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I thought the circumstances you describe are what leads to the typical midlife crisis. Not always, but people wake up and realize they're trapped in a life (kids, obligations, job) that sort of crept up on them, and feel like they need to let off some steam. A lot of (perhaps including the article's authors) modern "mid-life crises" are more what I've heard of as "quarter life crises" - you finish school, get a job,…

> I'd planned professionally at about 30 and then realized it wasn't what I wanted and had no idea what to do next. Oddly enough, I think this is what keeps me from being ambitious in a professional sense. I just feel like, based on everything I read, hear, and see, that we are all just donkeys chasing the metaphorical carrot tied to a stick. I swear, it's like the hedonistic treadmill is turned up a few notches too…

I once spoke to a counselor who emphasized the seasonal nature of life. Which reminds me of Ecclesiastes 3 (below). Find your seasonal purpose(s) and move in those directions until they are exhausted. Sometimes one's purpose is simply to rest and pray/meditate on the next purpose and phase.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes%20...

It's hard to discern motivations, but I always like to pray on if what I'm doing is by faith and is loving. Against those things there is no law. At the end of the day, the only thing gained or lost here is eternal, and I'm not going to the grave with any of the earthly accumulations or losses. So most of the "counting the cost" needs to be in the spiritual domain.

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