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Never waste a midlife crisis

austinkleon.com

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Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#171

Post by _cenw »

steve_taylor wrote: post #118
boringg wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

True but if you make a decision that makes you a bitter adult then they have to live with that as well - as a role model for your kids no less. No easy answers unfortunately.

Fulfilment doesn’t feed your children or put a roof over their heads. The expectation is that men provide. The wife and kids would prefer a bitter provider over a happy “deadbeat”.

> The expectation is that men provide.

The 60s want their gender roles back.

In my experience, if a man fails at being a provider, he usually fully commits to the failure too. At least this was the case with my family. A healthy in between narcissistic Walter White provider and fully leaving your old life behind would seem healthier.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#172

Post by ThrowAway1922A »

more_corn wrote: post #85

I’ve always thought midlife crisis was a weird thing. Nobody knows when they’ll die. Maybe you die in an avalanche at 24. At which point you probably should have reassessed your life and assumptions at 12. Or maybe you die in a car accident at 18. Or a house fire at 32. Maybe you’re gunned down by the husband of the lady you’re sleeping with at 74. If there’s any benefit from a midlife crisis you should probably get…

This isn't reassuring, it's depressing. God we truly are cursed aren't we? Being born into this meat grinder is not worth it and we are unlucky to be here.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#173

Post by snek_case »

ip26 wrote: post #154
layman51 wrote: post #144

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What would you say makes San Francisco particularly difficult to find a suitable romantic partner for you if you don’t mind answering? I am curious to hear what you think because I have also heard the same thing about SF and even about Austin, TX.

There are 12% more men than women there. This might not sound bad, but remember 37% of people in CA are already married…

It's also become very trendy to be "polyamorous" over there. I think part of it sort of fits with the culture where there are a lot of people constantly arriving in and leaving the city, and even people making a lot of money have to have roommates because housing is so expensive. It means there aren't a lot of people looking for anything long-term.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#174

Post by magicink81 »

xboxnolifes wrote: post #148
steve_taylor wrote: post #118

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Fulfilment doesn’t feed your children or put a roof over their heads. The expectation is that men provide. The wife and kids would prefer a bitter provider over a happy “deadbeat”.

I actually think most kids would prefer a happy in-their-life, less successful, dad, over a bitter, never-in-their-life, career professional.

Agree - there are other forms of capital and support which are more important to children, spouses, other family members, and friends than money. It seems like many people have already proven that having more money than you need doesn't actually make a difference if your life is broken in other ways.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#175

Post by tayo42 »

sph wrote: post #52
rootusrootus wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> 36 year old middle aged man You're not quite middle aged yet :). And 33 is way too early for a midlife crisis, surely? Maybe it's just garden variety burnout and/or depression?

It was being a little cheeky. And if a massive burnout whose first month was having daily panic attacks and 3 years to recover is garden variety, I am afraid to know what a serious one entails ;) Depression was part of the baggage I was carrying around all my life. It's hard to say, given the state of things, but perhaps depression is one thing I was lucky to shed during this phase.

What exactly is a panic attack? Like your just watching TV and suddenly convinced you'll die? Or was it like at work, something woukd happen and you freak out?

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#176

Post by weregiraffe »

ctrlp wrote: post #159
newaccount74 wrote: post #155

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's just an anecdote, but all therapists I've met are divorced. It's probably just a coincidence, but I thought it was interesting.

Not a coincidence. It's significantly more common in the profession[0]. They get divorced at a higher rate, and they recommend divorce to their clients. Therapists and psychiatrists are massively responsible for the divorce rates among boomers (the first widespread consumers of these services). Their children apparently learned nothing and are rushing headlong into the same therapy-culture that destroyed so many of t…

You are saying it like divorce is a bad thing.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#177

Post by magicink81 »

codq wrote: post #34
quickthrower2 wrote: post #23

Midlife crisis needs to be split into the "responsible for kids" and "not" categories. The "not" people can do wilder/riskier things, although I suspect on average they don't since fear of things massively outweighs "can you actually do it" factors. Probably the paper boxes we build are smaller than the metal ones outside of them.

Thank you. I turned 40 this weekend, and have spent the last few months if not years wondering who the hell I am, and thinking about all the cool projects, startups, languages and learnings I'd love to explore. However, I also have a 3-year old I'm taking care of who drains me of all my excess time and energy. I can't do any of this stuff. I'm exhausted at the end of the day, and with my 1-2 hours at the end of night…

Yes, you will have more time later. Now is the time to invest as much attention as you can into your child. It is the investment you can make now that will pay off massively later on.

Recommended reading: Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate https://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/0375...

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#178

Post by mstipetic »

SamPatt wrote: post #145
rootusrootus wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> 36 year old middle aged man You're not quite middle aged yet :). And 33 is way too early for a midlife crisis, surely? Maybe it's just garden variety burnout and/or depression?

I'm not the person you're responding to, but both my parents passed away in their mid-50s, and after my startup failed at 35 I hit something like a midlife crisis. If you believe mid 30s is middle-aged, then it becomes middle-aged - and unfortunately, for some that might be true. Fortunately for me, this crisis led to a serious investment in my health and fitness, and though I obviously cannot predict my future, I'm…

I’m 35 and I feel like I’m just getting properly started.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#179

Post by heyoni »

Clubber wrote: post #170
heyoni wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So, not for naught? Seriously, we’re social creatures that live for others. You can have 40 good years serving the next generation, building wealth for them and sharing in their joys. I’m sensing this strange notion in older generations where they absolutely refuse to let go and insist on keeping their youth and the spotlight to no or some avail. Technology is getting better and making people hold on for longer but I…

>that life ain’t that great unless we’re out there crushing it all the time. Where in the hell did you get that from? I wish I hadn't wasted 20+ years of my youth working so hard. >I guess it fits nicely with the declining notion that having children isn’t worth it either. Dunno where you got that from either. My kids are the best thing that happened to me. Are you projecting or something?

Seriously?

> all the time you spent improving yourself and building wealth will be for naught, at least for you

There’s meaning in that work if you accept that it’ll have lasting effects beyond you.

> It means you'll never be 18 or 23 or 30 or 35 again. The youth that you took for granted is gone forever and time will march with you until your death

Your youth was taken for granted if you don’t think it added up to you being able to provide for a family.

I’m just trying to find meaning in the mundane, not trying to preach. This view that being alive and healthy and able to raise a family isn’t enough is always disheartening.

Anyways, that’s my interpretatio. Or projection.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#180

Post by ctrlp »

weregiraffe wrote: post #176
ctrlp wrote: post #159

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not a coincidence. It's significantly more common in the profession[0]. They get divorced at a higher rate, and they recommend divorce to their clients. Therapists and psychiatrists are massively responsible for the divorce rates among boomers (the first widespread consumers of these services). Their children apparently learned nothing and are rushing headlong into the same therapy-culture that destroyed so many of t…

You are saying it like divorce is a bad thing.

Yeah, ok, it's just something to joke about. Nothing's serious. Nothing matters.
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