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Give it five minutes

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Re: Give it five minutes

#31

Post by youlost_thegame »

rumblestrut wrote: post #4

I have found this approach to be quite useful with my co-workers, friends and even my spouse. Sometimes I hear an idea and my initial reaction is "No," when what is really going on inside me is "Let me mull it over." The trick for me is to not open my mouth too soon before I've truly given the idea a chance to breathe a little.

I feel you, I also have this little voice that shouts "NO!" inside my head during meetings. But I've learned to say "I don't see it that way, but it's a good idea, let me think on that, please", which has won me a lot of respect.

Even if my final answer is negative, the fact that I took some time to consider it is perceived as very positive by coworkers and managers.

Re: Give it five minutes

#32

Post by majorlazer »

Chirag wrote: post #27

If I get a negative remark, I usually take a step back, kind of like a out of body view, and see if there is any validity, if there is truth in the remark, I thank the person and ask questions; else I just smile. Some people mistake a smile for agreement and I use smile to put a full stop to the argument. In my limited experience I have seen there is no point winning a pointless argument :)

"The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it." -Dale Carnegie

I wish I applied this in my life more often.

Re: Give it five minutes

#33

Post by MattJ100 »

> Learning to think first rather than react quick is a life long pursuit. It’s tough.

I must admit I stopped reading about here. I don't think I'm among the intended audience for this post. It personally takes quite something for me to stand up and criticize someone's work. I certainly couldn't do it within five minutes - I need to soak an idea up first.

I often explain to people that I'm a slow thinker. I actually don't know if it's that, or that I just have a higher threshold of thought before I have confidence to speak about something. That usually means I'll be the last to speak on a subject, but I'd hope that my contributions when I do speak are then at least a little more considered than those who spoke first. That's what I'd like to think, anyhow.

Re: Give it five minutes

#34

Post by Arelius »

youlost_thegame wrote: post #29
analyst74 wrote: post #11

I come from the opposite direction, where I was thinking too much. In the sense that I am quiet in most conversations, because I need to think about what to say back, and most conversations flow quite quickly, and I end up with a response well past the point it's applicable. This is bad for two reasons: 1, if you don't say anything, the default assumption is you don't know anything, unless you have well known achieve…

I've observed that engineer-driven conversations are very, very fast and dynamic, whereas business and managing conversations are quite slow. My guess is that the key here is empaty. Engineers discuss ideas, where managers usually evaluate people. Of course, ideas belong to people (at least when they're conceived), but that quickly dilutes. In order to evaluate people, you need a lot of empaty and some time. My manag…

> Of course, ideas belong to people

Ideas, seem to rather exist within people, but saying they belong to people, isn't quite as obvious. This of course, strengthens the rest of your point.

Re: Give it five minutes

#35

Post by aero142 »

funkah wrote: post #5

At the same time, the world is full of ideas, and a pretty tiny fraction of them are any good. The world feels especially full of ideas these days, since a lot of folks now fancy themselves "creatives" (that is, people who come up with ideas without having to get into the yucky business of actually executing on them). Here's the real challenge: What deserves your five minutes in the first place? Many intellectually b…

I think this 5 minutes applies to a lot more than just right or wrong. Intelligent design isn't an engineering decision you are talking about, it's politics. If you take the 5 minutes to think about why people believe what they do, you can learn a lot about the mindset of a large group of people on this planet. This might end up being a lot more important than proving intelligent design is wrong. There are lots of ways to spend your 5 minutes.

Re: Give it five minutes

#36

Post by jurjenh »

sray wrote: post #14

This reminds me of And the Rock Cried Out , a short story by Ray Bradbury. The story revolves around two American tourists who are in South America when the US and much of Europe is wiped out by nuclear attacks during the Cold War. With the US in rubble, everyone is out to get the tourists as payback for all of the terrible things America has done in the past. Anyway, they eventually meet a man named Garcia who offer…

I like that. I may use it next time someone hassles me for reading week(s)-old newspapers.

I've always maintained that it gives the news a chance to mature, so it becomes a lot easier to separate the filling from the meat, but the flip side means missing out on the leading edge (forecasts of storms / shortages) that may prove to be very important.

Re: Give it five minutes

#37

Post by duncancarroll »

To see a post like this is both satisfying and depressing.

Satisfying because it's always good to see someone learn an important life lesson.

Depressing because I know far too many smart people with zero humility. It's such. a. shame.

Re: Give it five minutes

#38

Post by bostonvaulter2 »

This advice reminds me of "The Soak". Here's an excerpt:

Back to the original flame mail from your friend. You’ve received these before and you know the absolute wrong thing to do is immediately respond. Of course, your animal brain is dying to do so because IT FEELS SO GOOD TO PUNCH BACK, but it’s never the right move because your animal brain is defending itself, it’s not resolving anything other than proving BOY CAN I PUNCH BACK OR WHAT? My advice regarding flame-o-grams and hard decisions is the same. Sleep on it.

http://www.randsinrepose.com/archives/2006/04/05/the_soak.ht...

Re: Give it five minutes

#39

Post by kenrikm »

youlost_thegame wrote: post #29
analyst74 wrote: post #11

I come from the opposite direction, where I was thinking too much. In the sense that I am quiet in most conversations, because I need to think about what to say back, and most conversations flow quite quickly, and I end up with a response well past the point it's applicable. This is bad for two reasons: 1, if you don't say anything, the default assumption is you don't know anything, unless you have well known achieve…

I've observed that engineer-driven conversations are very, very fast and dynamic, whereas business and managing conversations are quite slow. My guess is that the key here is empaty. Engineers discuss ideas, where managers usually evaluate people. Of course, ideas belong to people (at least when they're conceived), but that quickly dilutes. In order to evaluate people, you need a lot of empaty and some time. My manag…

The wisest people I have ever known spoke very little however they always asked great questions that cut through the crap once they had all of the facts.

Re: Give it five minutes

#40

Post by lclarkmichalek »

funkah wrote: post #5

At the same time, the world is full of ideas, and a pretty tiny fraction of them are any good. The world feels especially full of ideas these days, since a lot of folks now fancy themselves "creatives" (that is, people who come up with ideas without having to get into the yucky business of actually executing on them). Here's the real challenge: What deserves your five minutes in the first place? Many intellectually b…

"A pretty tiny fraction of them are any good"? I really don't agree. Most every idea is pretty good, at least in a couple of circumstances. Most every idea also has very serious flaws. But that does not mean the idea is worthless. I guess the most obvious example is democracy; it has some very serious flaws, but it's the best we've got. Usually, the same can be said for any popular political philosophy; good, but with some serious flaws.

Also, in the vast majority of cases, both sides of the argument should be concidered. Sure ID should be dead by now, but the first time it was proposed it very definatly should have had both sides heard. Look at when evolution was first proposed as an idea. Had both sides not been heard on that idea, had it not been given it's 5 minutes, we would live in a very different world. Of course this is an example that will make many people wince, as I am comparing an evidence backed theory with pure religious dogma, but I fail to see the difference. If religious based dogma cannot be successfully argued against, then maybe some more research should be done to counter it. But until a rational/scientific argument can be formed against it, I see no reason why it should not receive its 5 minutes.

I disagree with you. Every time you deny an idea 5 minutes, or the time it takes to form a convincing argument against it, you are presuming guilt. It's standard that we put the burden of proof on the person proposing the idea, but just recently I've been trying to put the burden of proof on myself. If I cannot form or find a convincing argument to counter the idea, then what reason do I have not to accept it? Or if not accept it, at least give it a space in the great library of valid ideas. Maybe "giving the idea 5 minutes" is a bad way to look at it, but coming up with a purely rational/scientific basis for the dismissal or acceptance of any idea is a very good exercise.

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