A complete guide to getting what you want (2018) • Hacker News Board

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#141

Post by habinero » Tue, Jun 20, 2023, 8:14 PM UTC

inconceivable wrote: post #119

habinero wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Oh, I read it. I'm commenting on what you chose to emphasize and what you left out, because that speaks volumes about what you value. Almost all of the advice was around superficial, self-centered things. All of it was about you getting something you want, and none of it was about being a net positive in someone else's life. It comes off as cold and selfish.

yeah, so you took something i didn't say, and just made it up. you even gave me an opinion on this made up topic. that's called a straw man. that's the literal definition of one. i know, you're probably the kind of person who doesn't usually commit logical fallacies. except when you do, of course. either way: be fit, make money, don't be needy, dress well, be good at sex, work hard to overcome height/race, move past…

If you want to do them, fine. But they're not going to make you successful at relationships, because everything about them has to do with you.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#142

Post by habinero » Tue, Jun 20, 2023, 8:16 PM UTC

abwizz wrote: post #138

habinero wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The problem is y'all keep trying to run last century's playbook. Relationships are no longer transactional. The age of the breadwinner and provider are over. Women are no longer forced to stay home while you toil in the mines or whatever. You're optional. Because you're optional, you need to be more desirable than no relationship and frankly, a lot of you aren't.

> Relationships are no longer transactional why would that be? "everything in the world is about sex, except sex, which is about power"

Because it's not true?

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#143

Post by habinero » Tue, Jun 20, 2023, 8:28 PM UTC

inconceivable wrote: post #120

habinero wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The problem is y'all keep trying to run last century's playbook. Relationships are no longer transactional. The age of the breadwinner and provider are over. Women are no longer forced to stay home while you toil in the mines or whatever. You're optional. Because you're optional, you need to be more desirable than no relationship and frankly, a lot of you aren't.

> Relationships are no longer transactional LOL. buddy. i've got some news for you. the fact that you can't actually point to a single thing i said (not something you just made up out of thin air) and claim it is actually WRONG, means you're just angry at my opinion.

See, this is what I mean. You have an extremely cynical, corrosive view of relationships, and it leads you to post things like this and assume other people are angry, too.

Relationships aren't something you acquire, they're something you build. You need to be a net asset to your partner, and just bringing home money doesn't count.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#144

Post by vGPU » Tue, Jun 20, 2023, 11:00 PM UTC

altruios wrote: post #52

pizzafeelsright wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you found any successful configurations that last beyond 5 years? I know multiple families destroyed by such endeavors. I would caution against the division of affection. At some point a hierarchy is established whether by intent or by necessity.

>> Have you found any successful configurations that last beyond 5 years? Several, in the tens of dozens. This question keeps getting 'told at' the polygamous community. It is true, people break up, people in polygamous relations have more breakups because - they involve more people - more people get broken up. And yeah, it is harder: one bad seed ruins the bunch, so to speak, so poly break up happen more often, sure…

> tens of dozens.

Compared to the hundreds of millions of current non-poly marriages?

Regardless, poly is a non-starter without a significant male deficit ie post war that wipes out 20%+ of the male population.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#145

Post by abwizz » Wed, Jun 21, 2023, 7:51 AM UTC

habinero wrote: post #142

abwizz wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Relationships are no longer transactional why would that be? "everything in the world is about sex, except sex, which is about power"

Because it's not true?

why was it true and no longer is?

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#146

Post by tleilaxu » Sun, Jun 25, 2023, 8:51 AM UTC

AussieWog93 wrote: post #102

tleilaxu wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Certainly feeling this right now. I do not have parents to give advice, and no “marriage role models” to speak of. This has lead me into a situation where I was poached into marriage and used to fulfil another’s needs - one who does not take my own needs into account. It’s going to be a mess to get out of, but lesson learned…

Have you brought this up with your spouse (at a good time, of course)? If you're thinking of torpedoing the relationship anyway, might as well risk offending/upsetting her. I don't know a thing about you, but there are plenty of people (especially people who have bullied, who I suspect would be over-represented here) who aren't necessarily surrounded by toxic people but fail to advocate for themselves and communicate…

No, I communicate very directly, and made my needs very clear over three years. The only time I suddenly was taken seriously and not ignored was when I started talking about ending the relationship - i.e. when her support was threatened and she had to actually care.