131–140 of 146 posts
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Ask for the moon and you'll be surprised by how often you get it.
It's a cliche and people normally hate this statement, the truth is only a small portions of those what you want are overlapping with what you really needs, most of people are spending most of their efforts and time pursuing the non-overlapping sections.
> Quite often a reasonable, achievable, and worthwhile desire goes unpursued because we have a simultaneous desire to not pursue it. When we say something is “impossible” or “too hard” or “not in the cards,” that’s a clue. This resonates. Many who are stuck frustrated not getting what they want have talked themselves out of trying to get it to begin with. A good another clue is 3rd party attribution. "My life is bad…
It’s a self-truthing statement. As in, everyone who doesn’t agree with you is also excluded from your criteria. So from your point of view, you are absolutely right. It goes like this: - Papa deer: “Remember son, you have the power to make objects move by thought. If you see a car rolling towards you, STARE at it straight in the headlights and concentrate and move it with your mind.” - Son deer: “Isn’t that how grand…
Maybe some subset of women. Unlikely all women.
Have you considered that perhaps bucketing a whole bunch of unique individuals into a single group may be a big part of the problem?
I mean, if you expect to be irritating to someone before you even meet them, you probably will be kind of irritating.
Try treating each person as unique and not assuming you know what they think before they have even met you?
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> it seems obvious that what you put into your body will either have a positive or detrimental effect on your body It's obvious in general - e.g. clearly poisonous things are clearly poisonous. Less so in specifics, as the body is good at extracting what it needs from ingested food, and discarding the rest; it works out as long as you provide the full range of the things the body needs. However, that wasn't my point.…
That someone can’t change their lifestyle for the better(“near-impossible “) is just wrong. You are describing some fantasy scenario where you have to endure months of pain before you notice any results. It’s just not true. I believe most people who don’t train their body and eat well have had wrong training from childhood, including me. My diet still sucks but is getting better each month by a conscious unlearning o…
As for dieting, I had a limited success with it - managed to visibly drop weight in few months, though I regained it over the year after I dropped the diet regime. Problem is, the diet was moderately distracting on a daily basis. The bigger problem, however, is that the vastly reduced variety of meals I consumed made me dislike some of them, and make others feel bland - so at this point, I can't see myself going back on the same diet, simply because I'm repulsed by the idea of eating those same foods again.
And back to the big point - as far as I checked, neither my weight, nor diet, nor physical activity seem to have had any noticeable correlation with my sleep patterns, mood, energy levels or ability to focus. I've never felt any positive effect within days or weeks of improvement in physical activity or dieting - nothing above noise floor, and especially nothing I could clearly attribute to lifestyle change.
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Just my N=1 here, but I've actually run the self-improvement gamut and got results out of it - had a year where I went from never having held hands with a girl to sleeping around quite a bit. I think the self-improvement type of vibe tends to attract girls who are more into short term things, which leads to burnout. By this I mean, if you are a guy who looks very good/masculine, are good at flirting, etc but just are…
Thanks for sharing your experience. I am now in a similar situation you were before: I've never had a relationship, the last phone number of a girl I got was 2 years ago and it was a coworker, etc. The original article suggests to learn how other people have already gotten the thing you want. So can you share the plan you followed that made you start attracting girls? Or can you share some resources you used to achie…
1. is what you've been doing for years, working? then don't keep doing it.
2. has asking advice from women, ever worked?
3. imagine you have always been poor, how do you think your social circle would react if you tried to get rich? if you actually achieve it?
think deeply about these things with an open mind.
talking about the fact that you can actually learn to be good with women is highly offensive to a huge portion of the population because you are turning that something that should be 'natural' into something that can be quantified and that deeply upsets some people. they really can't handle it mentally.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
It’s a self-truthing statement. As in, everyone who doesn’t agree with you is also excluded from your criteria. So from your point of view, you are absolutely right. It goes like this: - Papa deer: “Remember son, you have the power to make objects move by thought. If you see a car rolling towards you, STARE at it straight in the headlights and concentrate and move it with your mind.” - Son deer: “Isn’t that how grand…
It took me several frustrating years to figure it out, but eventually getting visibly fit and well groomed gave me enough leeway to bisect the bugs in my interpersonal communication protocols and algorithms.
This one quality tends to be quite profound at setting men apart. No need to disagree, fix, suggest, or provide a different perspective. Listen and thoughtfully respond with empathy to what the woman is saying.
Hopefully, that’s one of the interpersonal bugs you figured out. ;)
Far too often I see:
Woman: “My model of the world is X”
Man: “Your model doesn’t make sense. This is my superior model.”
Woman is irritated.
Alternatively, merely responding with, “I never saw the model of the world that way. Tell me more. Why is X that way? What is Y?”
Now she feels seen and heard. And provides the basis for men to also feel seen and heard as well.
Hopefully, this comment can help the many men out there who have trouble with women.
Not to mention, men tend to provide this exact response to other men, which compounds the irritation women tend to feel.
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I mean, to me it seems obvious that what you put into your body will either have a positive or detrimental effect on your body. Why wouldn’t diet and exercise be the cornerstones of having a healthy life?
> it seems obvious that what you put into your body will either have a positive or detrimental effect on your body It's obvious in general - e.g. clearly poisonous things are clearly poisonous. Less so in specifics, as the body is good at extracting what it needs from ingested food, and discarding the rest; it works out as long as you provide the full range of the things the body needs. However, that wasn't my point.…
As a developer, the problem is obvious. The solution statement is too general and non-specific to be able to act on. You might start with, choose a language based on some goals, get an environment set up, write hello world, etc etc.
The same divide and conquer approach applies to diet and exercise. There’s a bajillion diet and exercise programs that exist out there, but likely it’s too overwhelming to choose from the thousands out there and we don’t know what we don’t know.
My recommendation is divide and conquer to start small. Many choices for activity exist.
The main thing is to not be overwhelmed and just start with one thing and start small. Showing up is 50% of the work.
Here’s some seeds for the exercise portion. Put any of those terms into YouTube and there will be many folks out there with lots of great and bunk information, but holding it’ll be a start to parse.
Walking, running, calisthenics (body weight pushups, squats, jumping jacks, etc), weightlifting (dumbbells, barbells).
For nutrition, I’ll seed you with the basics.
Cut out foods that make you feel bad. This starts by taking a moment to assess how you feel before consuming food and after consuming food and determining whether you feel better or worse. Generally stay away from the worse feeling foods.
And for what to consume, increase the number of servings of color you consume to 4-5 colors a day. Reds (peppers, tomatoes), blues (blueberries, purple cabbage), greens (kale, lettuce, spinach), yellow (squash, pumpkins, lemons), etc.
Just about every diet and exercise program out there will follow some form of this skeleton with concrete plans and meal prep plans and such.
Hopefully this is enough of a seed to help you over the research activation hump!
Or feel free to email the profile if you’d prefer more in depth discussion. I’m happy to share the years of my knowledge attained for my own specific goals as an enthusiast of the diet and exercise lifestyle.
The strategy for getting the thing in question nearly always makes all the difference for very worthwhile things and this article very much glosses over that fact.
If we allow that most people want the right things and have a sufficiently clear concept of what they want, why then do many of them not achieve it? This is barely addressed in the skimpy last paragraph: "The Real Barrier to Getting What You Want: Social and emotional factors it make it seem more complicated than that... But it’s our conflicting desire for predictability and comfort that is the real invisible fence... But once we take [innate fearfulness] on board—that fear and uncertainty always come along for the ride in any worthwhile endeavor—it becomes simple."
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And what would you rather they do? Just "be themselves"? That advice is one of the primary root causes of the incel epidemic.
The problem is y'all keep trying to run last century's playbook. Relationships are no longer transactional. The age of the breadwinner and provider are over. Women are no longer forced to stay home while you toil in the mines or whatever. You're optional. Because you're optional, you need to be more desirable than no relationship and frankly, a lot of you aren't.
why would that be?
"everything in the world is about sex, except sex, which is about power"
Is there a guide for knowing what you want?
Late reply but figured I would share what worked for me. Once a week, spend 15-20 minutes writing down what an ideal day would look like for you in as much detail as possible. Visualise it and feel it. Don’t worry about anything like realism, consistency, selfishness, what other people would think, how you could possibly achieve it, etc. “Ideal day” doesn’t have to mean a crazy one-off like “I wake up and skydive int…
If you’re going to marry, marry well. I'd wager that 90% of not getting what you want in adulthood relates to compromise or deferral to your spouse.
Certainly feeling this right now. I do not have parents to give advice, and no “marriage role models” to speak of. This has lead me into a situation where I was poached into marriage and used to fulfil another’s needs - one who does not take my own needs into account. It’s going to be a mess to get out of, but lesson learned…
imo that this feeling comes up in most marriages. might be a good idea to get some third-party feedback on your reflection(s) to asses whether there is as much basis to it as your feelings suggest or if it can be worked out.
a long relationship has some value in itself, so the opportunity cost of a unneeded divorce could be huge.