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In praise of blowing up your life

sashachapin.substack.com

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Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#341

Post by debok »

badpun wrote: post #315
debok wrote: post #170

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Trad wife" AKA people subscribing to traditional Christian ideas of marriage are very much "far-right cultural activists" from the feminist perspective. Traditional Christian ideas about marriage (i.e. stay-at-home mom, breadwinner husband, the wife willingly submitting to her husband's authority, the husband willingly sacrificing his own ambitions for the good of his family, etc.) are very much not in line with fem…

An "activist" is someone who "use direct, often confrontational action, such as a demonstration or strike, in opposition to or support of a cause.". Whereas these people are not activists, they merely live according to their values.

You are right. However, that doesn't stop others from calling them activists. If you are on the so called "far right," then merely living out your values seem like activism to those who are opposed to you.

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#342

Post by laeri »

scarface_74 wrote: post #116
laeri wrote: post #67

This is part survivorship bias in my opinion and probably not very good life advice. You can and should only do this if you have enough money to sustain at least one year without income. His example is very risky as no income was guaranteed, if you can continue to work in another place why not. It is true that people get accustomed and complacent to their life situation, jobs, etc. And a change in country or job can…

I was tempted to delete my previous comment about how I “blew up my life” because I realized that I really wasn’t as bold as I thought I was. I kept my above average paying job working at BigTech where I was able to work remotely. I only officially moved one state away where I stay half the year while traveling the other half, and I had assets to fall back on. I didn’t sell my other house, I rented out to my son and…

"Blowing up your life" can mean completely different things for different people. And your experience reflects a good way to do it I think. No need to burn the boats in my opinion. We are in a quite privileged position to do this as we both have some assets to afford it. In case I run out of money I still have some support network at home and should relatively easy get a new job in theory. In practice it will need some work and will be probably be stressful to look for a new place and work at the same time. Some people that are pushed to move due to less opportunities in their home country and immigrate to another place have probably much more stress. They completely change their life for a better future.

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#343

Post by varjag »

unethical_ban wrote: post #317
varjag wrote: post #306

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This was a categorical statement about 20-somethings and as such isn't ad hominem. I would still say that if their advice was just as eloquently stated opposite.

My Latin is rusty, then it is perhaps "ad populum", attacking the people. In any case, you're not addressing the message. "Ceterus paribus" yes, older people are more wise due to experience, but I have met 28 year olds which are much wiser than millions of old, insular, dumb 50-80 year olds.

Sometimes you have to address the merits of large groups of people however, no other way doing that. "Childless advice on parenting is dubious" in the sister comment for example. And come on, every one of us was in their 20s some time.

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#344

Post by marginalia_nu »

hayst4ck wrote: post #323
marginalia_nu wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you're living in a place in which you are not happy, with people you don't like, then leaving may be absolutely what you should do. You don't have to put up with relationships that aren't working.

> If you're living in a place in which you are not happy, with people you don't like, The epiphany happens when you realize it's probably not the place or the people who are making you unhappy, but yourself and your beliefs. That's what "wherever you go, there you are" means. It means you can't escape your self and you have to confront who you are no matter where you physically are. This person is avoidant. That mean…

You're very quick to reach for the diagnosis based on relatively little information.

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#345

Post by scarface_74 »

erhaetherth wrote: post #338
scarface_74 wrote: post #269

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We’ve figured most of those things out. We always travel on Sunday. We unpack our clothes. Do an instacart order. Find the laundry facilities, gym and pool at the hotel and find something to do on the weekends. My wife takes care of the washing and folding clothes and she hangs out during the week with people in one of her fitness organizations (she’s a hobbyists fitness instructor), she will organize a playlist and…

> you don’t pay until check out surely that doesn't apply to extended stays? don't they want some money like... after 2 weeks or a month or something? what prevents people from sleep-and-dashing? i guess that's why they have a CC on file but they don't know if it'll go through.

You’re right. I was more referring to the fact that we can book hotels s year in advance without having to PDT up front. Unlike with flights where you have to pay upfront.

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#346

Post by borroka »

mmkos wrote: post #196

My life blew up involuntarily a year ago when my relationship broke down. I wanted to do all sorts of things at the time - sell the (unfinished) house, change my job, move to a different city etc. I read some articles on how to deal with it and one thing addressed the point of moving - you are you no matter where you are. Banal, I know. Since then I took a slightly different path and I've been working on my life stea…

"you are you no matter where you are. Banal, I know." -- I agree that it is banal, in the sense that it is a common and popular message, but I also think it is wrong.

The environment, the context, all have a profound effect on people. When I played a certain sport competitively, towards the end of their career they would come and play with us former high-level professionals. Almost invariably, and it was the same for other people on other teams, they would start playing the way they used to play (well), but very soon they were seen approaching the average performance of their team members. The athletic director thought that their presence might "pull up" the attitude, performance and skills of their teammates, but the opposite always happened: the gravitational pull of lazy, unskilled and less professional teammates was too strong to resist.

The same happens in many other contexts. I used to work in a dynamic company full of brilliant innovators (FAANG). Now I work in a legacy technology company full of lazy, semi-incompetent, ball-dropping, half-asleep colleagues, and I am delivering 20 percent of what I could and used to deliver. There is no tide lifting all boats. "But if you really wanted to...," says those who believe in the inevitability of the affirmation of spirit. But this is a myopic view of life; we are largely shaped by the context in which we live, in which we work, by the people we spend time with, at least as much as by our personality.

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#347

Post by hayst4ck »

marginalia_nu wrote: post #344
hayst4ck wrote: post #323

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If you're living in a place in which you are not happy, with people you don't like, The epiphany happens when you realize it's probably not the place or the people who are making you unhappy, but yourself and your beliefs. That's what "wherever you go, there you are" means. It means you can't escape your self and you have to confront who you are no matter where you physically are. This person is avoidant. That mean…

You're very quick to reach for the diagnosis based on relatively little information.

Quotes from his blog:

> Before psychedelics, I was intensely commitment-phobic, and assumed that either I wouldn’t settle down with anyone, or that I’d be in an open relationship for the rest of my life. I thought this was a philosophical position, based on principled arguments about the drawbacks of monogamy, rather than an emotional defense.

> This didn’t, like, permanently cure my loneliness and alienation, but it did make me appreciate how difficult it is to be a person, for me and for everyone. I felt less alone, certainly.

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#348

Post by pseudalopex »

hutzlibu wrote: post #198
brabel wrote: post #177

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I "blew my life up" twice. Both times I was looking to start over and settle, i.e. grow roots, but in a different place. It failed both times. People are incredibly difficult to accept outsiders within their circle. I did get married, but wife wants no kids :( ... which makes the marriage a little... fragile. Without close family/friends holding me here (I am and feel like a complete stranger here, 10 years on, and m…

"However, blowing my life up a third time seems futile. " Unless you do it different this time. There are places that welcome outsiders. And there are places where everyone is living as an outsider to different degree, even those who were born there, with only shallow bands formed out of habit. You can never feel at home in those places.

Would it not help them to name some of those places?

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#349

Post by tlarkworthy »

dizhn wrote: post #216
tlarkworthy wrote: post #55

I have a theory that this is the Monty hall problem effect in practice [1]. When you blow up your life you are opening an unknown door... But after you have narrowed your options, so the outcomes are likely to be better than your status quo. [1] https://link.medium.com/N6HaHXgyAAb

I think the difference is in the Monty Hall problem a 3rd party who knows one of the options to be a dud, reveals it to be so. In real life you're still just as likely to pick the dud. (One of many)

No your life experiences narrow the choices. You don't randomly emigrate. While the reasoning is wonky, there is , in reality, only a small pool of choices under consideration. Life is the 3rd party that reveals duds.

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#350

Post by dizhn »

tlarkworthy wrote: post #349
dizhn wrote: post #216

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the difference is in the Monty Hall problem a 3rd party who knows one of the options to be a dud, reveals it to be so. In real life you're still just as likely to pick the dud. (One of many)

No your life experiences narrow the choices. You don't randomly emigrate. While the reasoning is wonky, there is , in reality, only a small pool of choices under consideration. Life is the 3rd party that reveals duds.

Yeah sure. But that's not Monty hall. "Life" is something you experience, not something that you know like "no car behind that door". You know after the fact.
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