In praise of blowing up your life • Hacker News Board

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#191

Post by hutzlibu » Tue, Jun 13, 2023, 10:48 AM UTC

resolutebat wrote: post #72

Wonnk13 wrote: post #6

I don't entirely disagree, but the first thing that this article brought to mind is the old cliche "wherever you go, there you are". I'm 34, lots of ex girlfriends and lots of past cities. There's a fine line between breaking out of the status quo hamster wheel and running away from your baggage. Moving cities, or relationships, or jobs isn't worth as much if you aren't simultaneously working on yourself

"People travel to change themselves, but they only manage to change the scenery." (Not my quote, alas, and my memory has butchered it enough that I can't find the original.)

Except that traveling is already requiring change in a person, opposed to being stationary. You have to face new situations all the time - requiring a different state of alertness and consciousness.

And new sceneries have different people, climate etc. also literally changing people (microbiome for example).

So yes, some people travel to run away from problems they never dare to solve, but some people just like to be on the move, like our nomadic ancestors.

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#192

Post by marginalia_nu » Tue, Jun 13, 2023, 10:52 AM UTC

lm28469 wrote: post #172

marginalia_nu wrote: post #166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The problem with trauma as an explanatory model is is that if you dig deep enough, pretty much anyone has had life experiences that may be characterized as traumatic. And even if you find someone who hasn't, they've clearly lead such a sheltered life that it's a sort of trauma on its own. Because of this, childhood trauma is a sort of universal explanation that will explain things even outside of psychology, everythi…

Surely divorcing your wife, randomly moving to Thailand and telling people they should do the same to get happier isn't a normal behavior. Call it what you want

Normal, perhaps not. But at the same time, if you've been living your life according to what's considered normal and expected of you with no regard for your own wants and needs, then it may be healthy indeed.

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#193

Post by hutzlibu » Tue, Jun 13, 2023, 10:52 AM UTC

hayst4ck wrote: post #121

monero-xmr wrote: post #56

Alternatively, never blow up your life! Live near your family and lifelong friends, establish hardcore roots with your community, always be surrounded by love. A road less taken by the educated elites, but a happy and fulfilling road nonetheless. The Onion’s take: https://www.theonion.com/unambitious-loser-with-happy-fulfil...

"One doesn't realize in early life that the price of freedom is loneliness. To be happy one must be tied." ~ CS Lewis I don't know the context of the quote and I know next to nothing about CS Lewis, but having blown my life up at one point and experienced freedom on a level few on this planet could achieve (health, money, time, and will) the quote rang very true for me. I think some people grow up in a community and…

"One doesn't realize in early life that the price of freedom is loneliness. To be happy one must be tied."

There are traveller communities. You hook up, spend time together, split up and meet some of them around the globe later, if you want to.

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#194

Post by lm28469 » Tue, Jun 13, 2023, 10:56 AM UTC

marginalia_nu wrote: post #192

lm28469 wrote: post #172

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Surely divorcing your wife, randomly moving to Thailand and telling people they should do the same to get happier isn't a normal behavior. Call it what you want

Normal, perhaps not. But at the same time, if you've been living your life according to what's considered normal and expected of you with no regard for your own wants and needs, then it may be healthy indeed.

Yes there is a lot of wiggle room, but the majority of it is working on yourself, not fleeing

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#195

Post by halfmatthalfcat » Tue, Jun 13, 2023, 10:58 AM UTC

superhuzza wrote: post #135

zerbinxx wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed. This brand of self-aggrandizing “I did it my way” advice adverts always exemplify a special brand of narcissism; the speaker is unaware that they aren’t the center of their own life. The truth is that “blowing up your life” isn’t usually good or laudable: if you regularly find yourself in situations where you think it’s best to hard reset you’re probably very confused about what you want and need and, ironica…

"the speaker is unaware that they aren’t the center of their own life" What does this even mean? Of course you are the center of your own life. That's the human experience.

Some would argue the human experience is inherently social, with other humans and the lack of stable community (putting down roots amongst friends, family and a hyperlocal community) isn't realizing said experience to the fullest. To each their own though.

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#196

Post by mmkos » Tue, Jun 13, 2023, 10:58 AM UTC

My life blew up involuntarily a year ago when my relationship broke down. I wanted to do all sorts of things at the time - sell the (unfinished) house, change my job, move to a different city etc. I read some articles on how to deal with it and one thing addressed the point of moving - you are you no matter where you are. Banal, I know.

Since then I took a slightly different path and I've been working on my life steadily. I'm taking care of my physical health, I've been doing work on the house and I try to socialise more. I think I still want to move eventually (as I don't have family/many friends in the city anyway), but I'm happy I didn't do it straight away. I think there's a big risk in blowing up your life and trying to change everything at once, it might be overwhelming.

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#197

Post by max68 » Tue, Jun 13, 2023, 10:58 AM UTC

hcks wrote: post #190

lm28469 wrote: post #157

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's as old as humanity > Do you suppose that you alone have had this experience? Are you surprised, as if it were a novelty, that after such long travel and so many changes of scene you have not been able to shake off the gloom and heaviness of your mind? You need a change of soul rather than a change of climate. Seneca, 2000 years ago More people should read the classics, lots of wisdom you can speed run instead of…

At the same time it’s hard to understand something before you experienced it yourself. Something like a limitation of written communication.

It seems fairly straightforward and real wisdom is learning from others mistakes

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#198

Post by hutzlibu » Tue, Jun 13, 2023, 11:00 AM UTC

brabel wrote: post #177

debok wrote: post #173

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While it might be hard to grow roots, it is not impossible. IMO, you should start doing serious work on growing roots when you are in your late 20s. Growing roots include: - Getting married - Having kids - Settling down to live in one place - Finding out how you can participate in the local community, and the actively participate You will find that people are remarkably open to people who willingly contribute to othe…

I "blew my life up" twice. Both times I was looking to start over and settle, i.e. grow roots, but in a different place. It failed both times. People are incredibly difficult to accept outsiders within their circle. I did get married, but wife wants no kids :( ... which makes the marriage a little... fragile. Without close family/friends holding me here (I am and feel like a complete stranger here, 10 years on, and m…

"However, blowing my life up a third time seems futile. "

Unless you do it different this time.

There are places that welcome outsiders. And there are places where everyone is living as an outsider to different degree, even those who were born there, with only shallow bands formed out of habit. You can never feel at home in those places.

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#199

Post by marginalia_nu » Tue, Jun 13, 2023, 11:02 AM UTC

lm28469 wrote: post #194

marginalia_nu wrote: post #192

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Normal, perhaps not. But at the same time, if you've been living your life according to what's considered normal and expected of you with no regard for your own wants and needs, then it may be healthy indeed.

Yes there is a lot of wiggle room, but the majority of it is working on yourself, not fleeing

If you're living in a place in which you are not happy, with people you don't like, then leaving may be absolutely what you should do. You don't have to put up with relationships that aren't working.

Re: In praise of blowing up your life

#200

Post by hutzlibu » Tue, Jun 13, 2023, 11:04 AM UTC

ilyt wrote: post #184

mtizim wrote: post #168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What awful things to say.

What other response would you expect to someone complaining that people don't like him despise him having money ?

He said people did not like him, because he was different. Did not recognized his talents. Considered him worthless.

With him building up a succesful startup he clearly proofed he has talents. But it sounds like he would have traded some of that working time to get money, to spend time with friends instead. But he seems burned from his childhood experiences.