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Dating, education, and sex ratios

robkhenderson.com

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Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#331

Post by abracadaniel »

cudgy wrote: post #288
chad1n wrote: post #171

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Men suffer from "their own success" and are probably more romantic than women are overall and expect their relationships to be like dreams, hence they really can't put too much in a relationship that might fail, considering that the "market" is huge and it's hard to trust most people. It was way easier before to get laid, wasn't it?

Surely it’s easier to get laid now than before online dating became mainstream. Before online dating, relationships were formed mostly by proximity, convenience and timing. Now, there is a huge list of candidates to attempt contact, advertising themselves in apps and providing some details on what they want.

Is it easier to get a job now that we have many systems for handling applicants? Because it seems like hiring and getting hired is harder, or at least takes many more applications than in the past. Maybe there’s something similar where we’re spending more time tweaking filters to get to a manageable pool, but then accidentally filter down to a group of similar, yet incompatible people. We’re probably not great at judging what we want and maybe more constraints actually force us to consider people we otherwise wouldn’t and discover what we didn’t know we wanted by introducing some randomness. Perhaps dating apps would be more effective if it initiated the matchups and neither side was flooded with a list of people to filter through.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#332

Post by andromeduck »

majormajor wrote: post #122
blackbear_ wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A possible explanation is that most teachers in primary school are female, which creates an environment and behavioral expectations that favor girls, e.g.: - Teachers and the Gender Gaps in Student Achievement - https://jhr.uwpress.org/content/XLII/3/528 - Gender differences in teachers’ perceptions of students’ temperament, educational competence, and teachability - https://doi.org/10.1111/j.2044-8279.2010.02017.x

That seems weird though, right? Cause in the US teachers, especially for early-childhood, have been predominantly female since before this gap.

I've read that even among female teachers theres a big difference in approach to misbehaving boys depending on if they had a male sibling or not. With declining fertility rates, you can imagine that being less and less common.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#333

Post by [deleted] »

fineIllregister wrote: post #295
keiferski wrote: post #52

I read a book awhile ago called Shall the Religious Inherit the Earth? , which basically argues that cultures which strongly promote traditional values, having children, etc. will evolutionarily outcompete groups that don’t. It made me think that there must be a kind of cycle in human societies, where certain social values (like the ones mentioned in the article) are able to become popular for a short period of time…

This doesn't pass the eye test. If it's true that religious people will outbreed non-religious people, why is religiosity declining? The simple answer is that religion is not hereditary. Children of religious parents do not necessarily follow their parents' beliefs. My family is an example. Several children taught that evolution is fake, and none of us agree with our parents. Only one of us have any religious beliefs…

[deleted]

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#334

Post by farazzz »

peteradio wrote: post #294
michaelbrave wrote: post #268

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Honestly it would be hard to touch on without insulting large swaths of society. Just thinking about my own friend and family circle the way a college aged woman is treated is vastly different, even just by parents. For example my sister (22) still lives at home, drives the family car, stepdad pays for her fuel, mom pays for food, is on the family cell plan, has basicaly 0 expenses except wanting to eat out. My broth…

Heh, is she the baby of the family? I am the middle brother and my baby brother certainly had extra perks.

Hehe, I think many parents do tend to sweeten the deal for the youngest so they don’t have to deal with empty nest syndrome

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#335

Post by Rury »

cudgy wrote: post #288
chad1n wrote: post #171

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Men suffer from "their own success" and are probably more romantic than women are overall and expect their relationships to be like dreams, hence they really can't put too much in a relationship that might fail, considering that the "market" is huge and it's hard to trust most people. It was way easier before to get laid, wasn't it?

Surely it’s easier to get laid now than before online dating became mainstream. Before online dating, relationships were formed mostly by proximity, convenience and timing. Now, there is a huge list of candidates to attempt contact, advertising themselves in apps and providing some details on what they want.

You'd think so, but it's the opposite. Just look at making friendships, nothing makes you a friend better than proximity, convenience, and timing (childhood friends hello?). Facebook friends? Yeah, not so much...

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#336

Post by apsurd »

antisthenes wrote: post #307
dahwolf wrote: post #218

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're right, it's a play on the meme: "man dead, woman most affected". Popular culture has become structurally anti-male. The ease at which we're described as simplistic, violent, sexual addicts doesn't seem to surprise anyone anymore. This article almost makes a humanitarian problem out of a luxury problem: highly educated women unable to find somebody even richer than them.

Also women with impossible standards (e.g. 6'+, $200k+/yearly, loves dogs, wants (or doesn't) kids, is single, from a good family, won't cheat, owns his own house, blue eyes, etc.) refusing to lower them in search of a partner well into their 30s, then wondering "where all the good men are".

all 4 billion women want that laundry list of qualities?

that's silly to say isn't it, of course you didn't mean literally all women, but that's why i'm commenting - it's crazy to me how we choose to play other people's games. find other circles. lest you're attracted to who you're attracted... but then umm... so women shouldn't be?

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#337

Post by renewiltord »

TheOtherHobbes wrote: post #153
hammock wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> it's not enough to have a high income if you don't use it to signal wealth or to provide luxury experiences to women Put another way, women aren’t attracted by men who earn a lot, but by men who spend a lot

It's not hard to find "Why is my boyfriend/husband so cheap?" as a recurring question in advice columns. There's definitely a sense among many women that men should be demonstrably spendy - even flamboyant. Presumably because it confers competitive status. I used to have a friend who used to do factory work. She said that whenever any of the women had a new boyfriend one of the first questions was always "What kind o…

Surely that illustrates the opposite: if women in relationships are complaining about their partners not spending enough that means they're usually forming relationships without that as a selection criteria. If it were, it cannot be the chief complaint because those boys would have no girls.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#338

Post by opportune »

naveen99 wrote: post #309
talldatethrow wrote: post #274

I've been a serial dater for 20+ years now (38M) I've been with 70+ women, and about 10-15 of those for long term. I think more about dating dynamics than basically anyone I've ever met. I'm not sure why. The main takeaway I see from relationships is that I'm expected to give, understand, listen, and bend to be some perfect modern man. I need to be beyond financially stable, I need to be tough, but also have some rom…

it might just be the type of women you attract and or are attracted to. There are definitely women out there who will give their fair share if not more.

I am much younger than this guy and have dated way fewer people, and I’ve been involved with two people like that. So it’s almost definitely something they’re doing, given n>50.

I’m also not convinced I should date forever and never get married, nor that women are all seeking to simply extract and be entertained by me. This could be related (lol)

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#339

Post by apsurd »

michaelbrave wrote: post #268
visihuge wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Many of these kinds of articles are always seem to be slanted in how it negatively affects women. Women desiring more successful partners, yet men aren't keeping up. I'd be interested if there was any good article broaching that subject more, instead of remarkably pithy answers like "it's those damn video games."

Honestly it would be hard to touch on without insulting large swaths of society. Just thinking about my own friend and family circle the way a college aged woman is treated is vastly different, even just by parents. For example my sister (22) still lives at home, drives the family car, stepdad pays for her fuel, mom pays for food, is on the family cell plan, has basicaly 0 expenses except wanting to eat out. My broth…

you make a good observation, but as the replies mention, it's likely a more nuanced reality than just gender. Id agree that at baseline a male gets certain crude roles thrust upon them, but i want to say it's not unreasonable to just not... accept them. yeah it may be uncomfortable, but really, like if your sister is cool with all these perks, i think a male is personally not gonna be cool with handouts due to his own machismo, it's not anyone else's machismo, it's the person's.

i know this is all enculturation, but same for the girl, when it comes down to it, it's our choice. i say, as a man, be vulnerable, ask for help. all good.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#340

Post by talldatethrow »

opportune wrote: post #338
naveen99 wrote: post #309

Earlier quoted context omitted.

it might just be the type of women you attract and or are attracted to. There are definitely women out there who will give their fair share if not more.

I am much younger than this guy and have dated way fewer people, and I’ve been involved with two people like that. So it’s almost definitely something they’re doing, given n>50. I’m also not convinced I should date forever and never get married, nor that women are all seeking to simply extract and be entertained by me. This could be related (lol)

I was going to make a distinction in my post about age but decided not to, to avoid making it too long. And it caught me.

I will say there was a time this wasn't the case. My highschool gf gave a lot. My college gfs actually gave a bit too. Young women are pretty giving in a way. Eventually that goes away. I don't know if it's from being burned, or learned behavior over time, or just genes/hormones.. but it seems to go away IMO.

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