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Dating, education, and sex ratios

robkhenderson.com

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Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#141

Post by swozey »

simonsarris wrote: post #133
swozey wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> they're all waiting until they're past their 20s to find a partner and they expect them all to be complete people by the time they meet them. I'm in my 30s and never married. I fully expect someone to come as a full person with an education and career. I am beyond glad that I didn't get married to my high school sweet heart or someone I dated in my early 20s when I was still a kid. I am nothing like I was when I wa…

> my early 20s when I was still a kid You were not a kid. There's an old lady on my road whose (late) husband built their house when he was 18. Maybe he was still a kid. > I am nothing like I was when I was 20, or 25. Maybe even 30. It would be very weird if you did not change at all between 20 and 30 but nothing precludes doing that with someone else. 99% of modern relationship advice is bad because it tries to conv…

I'm obviously not using "kid" in the legal sense. I cannot believe I'm having to write this. I'm referring to maturity and wisdom, experience.

If I want to call my 20 year old self a kid, I'm going to do so without any concern for your input.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#142

Post by alcover »

grepLeigh wrote: post #84
thowaway6060 wrote: post #43

I mean the research is nice, but I don't think that just a degree is going to up your chances. As someone who is using these apps constantly, I don't have any hope of finding a long term partner on there. I am on pretty much every app, except Tinder (Bumble, Hinge, okcupid, pof and even muzmatch (im south asian)). I have a bachelors, and I make good money. I've been told that I am a decent looking guy and I have quit…

Just came here to say don't give up, like you pointed out the current wave of dating apps aren't optimized for long-term relationships. VC-backed apps have to optimize for retention and revenue per user. I remember the previous era of dating sites (eHarmony) proudly published stats about committed relations + marriage. Anyway, have you gotten friends invested in your search? The first thing I would do is ask friends,…

> the current wave of dating apps aren't optimized for long-term relationships

That sentence...

Nothing personal, you're obviously right. It's the sheer technicality of it. I wish young people would find love as they used to, at balls or smth..

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#143

Post by chongli »

maxsilver wrote: post #126
chongli wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Teenagers who haven’t gone to college yet won’t be that different. When they move out and live among peers and take courses from professors with views very different from home, you’ll see how things change!

> When they move out and live among peers and take courses from professors with views very different from home, Why would professors have "views" all that different from home? Professors are regular people too. (Two of us in our friend group / community, are literally employed college professors, others are elementary teachers, software developers, IT folks, one designer, one electrical engineer, two in marketing, on…

I have lots of friends, of different ages! I'm in my late 30's and a mature (undergrad) student at my local university. I am telling you from first hand experience that the views of my classmates (all in their 20's) are very different from those of my age group (in their 30's).

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#144

Post by dingnuts »

scarmig wrote: post #139
breischl wrote: post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You attract what you advertise for. If you're advertising flashy, high-spending lifestyle, that's who you'll attract. But the women who are looking for long-term stability will stay away. And vice versa. Of course, if you want the not-high-spending women, you need to have something other than money and flashy lifestyle to offer. I think some guys get hung up there.

It's interesting that future security, free time to spend with your partner and do housework, and hobbies don't count as something to offer (at least relative to a flashy lifestyle). But, yes, a guy needs to find an effective angle that's in demand on the relationship market.

Maybe y'all just need to appreciate the value of working class women? I married a child of immigrants who is thrifty, values experiences over things, works hard, and appreciates that we want to live modestly so we can be free to retire as soon as possible!

Together seven years, married for three. Maybe when I was dating I was passed over by materialistic women because I drove an old car and don't wear fancy clothes, but I see that as an absolute win!

She teased me a little at first about how she "thought I was poor" because she didn't know how much an SWE makes and I was raised to find conspicuous consumption gauche. I just feel comfort knowing she chose me for me, not for my money.

But I'm extremely lucky, and blessed. Maybe I'm an absolute outlier. There are no rules in the game of love

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#145

Post by coeneedell »

maxsilver wrote: post #110
Conscat wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think 70%+ might not be the right proportion for all or most people in the US. It's hard for me to estimate, but irl conversations I've had mostly skew towards media, computers, and gossip. Gender dynamics is in there for sure, but I don't think it's what most people I've met want to talk about most of the time. It's kind of a depressing subject.

> , but irl conversations I've had mostly skew towards media, computers, and gossip. Same, but like, how do you talk about any of that stuff, without also touching on "gender, relationships, and life dynamics". Like, I have no idea how a group of friends would talk about, say "that cool new Spider-Man movie" without also talking about gender / race / life dynamics / etc. Those topics are so fundamental, they're a par…

For me that movie was mainly about how creative the effects artists were honestly.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#146

Post by hammock »

rngname22 wrote: post #64

Conversations about high income as a factor in attracting women often seem to neglect to mention that it's not enough to have a high income if you don't use it to signal wealth or to provide luxury experiences to women. Telling women you want to put your high income to work in enabling you to retire early but live a modest life and use that freedom to pursue creative pursuits doesn't have the same effect as taking th…

> it's not enough to have a high income if you don't use it to signal wealth or to provide luxury experiences to women

Put another way, women aren’t attracted by men who earn a lot, but by men who spend a lot

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#147

Post by dnissley »

maxsilver wrote: post #39
pizzafeelsright wrote: post #12

What I find interesting and I am curious if these conversations can happen anymore. I no longer discuss anything related to gender, relationships, or personal life dynamics with anyone outside of my bubble. I would enjoy the conversation, learning about another's ideas and understanding although despite assurances of maturity and openness conversation ends due to their inflammatory pronouncements. I do not believe id…

> conversation ends due to their inflammatory pronouncements. Where are you? In the US, most of us still have these conversations about gender, relationships, and life dynamics all the time. (If anything, this is arguably 70%+ of everything we talk about, among friends and acquaintances in the community). > although despite assurances of maturity and openness conversation ends due to their inflammatory pronouncements…

> Is there a common thread here? Can you imagine what might prompt such a response?

What tends to prompt such responses in my experience is saying anything along the lines of "In my experience, I've noticed there is a tendency for (insert gender) to..."

Actually, in hindsight, the inflammatory responses mostly only happen when the inserted gender is women.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#148

Post by majormajor »

blackbear_ wrote: post #131
majormajor wrote: post #122

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That seems weird though, right? Cause in the US teachers, especially for early-childhood, have been predominantly female since before this gap.

The world is much larger than the US ;) It could be that there were other external factors that used to counter-balance this effect, and are now being removed, such as, for example, the quest for increasing female participation in STEM no matter what, or general societal norms beyond school spurred by the rise of femminism. In any case, the academinc literature on this topic is vast (and not so clear cut), so if you…

Let me rephrase my complain about what I've seen. There is a lot of academic work on this stuff, but I'd characterize it as very "leaf node" oriented on certain aspects. E.g., grabbing a few at random:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S00652... - boys may not have or get given the right sort of motivations

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.3102/016237371771405... - teacher demographic match affects student perceptions of abilities and confidence and such

https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdev.12... - young kids tend to believe boys do worse at school

https://academic.oup.com/qje/article-abstract/129/3/1409/181... - boys being more competitive pushes them towards more prestigious fields but the genders show overall similar levels of ability

That's just sort of how the modern academic system works. Specialization.

There's nothing wrong with that, but where I live it isn't turning into serious policy conversations that look at thing more broadly and with a longer view. It might in other places, but I can't speak to those.

I would love to see more of those serious conversations where I live. For instance, again specific to my experience in the US, it seems unlikely that "get more male teachers" would make a dent in a problem that started independently of primary teachers being overwhelmingly women.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#149

Post by comfypotato »

pizzafeelsright wrote: post #135
Tagbert wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not in the US, but it seems some people have become socially fearful. I think that there is an artificial sense of risk possibly driving by 24x7 news and social media that prey on people's fears and anxieties.

I would not say artificial. An individual with whom I work spoke a common word, with respect, and despite being a respectable term for another person, a term agreed by all parties as acceptable except the offended party, the accused was contacted by HR and advised to no longer use that term. There are other anecdotes of course but this is one example that even the best intentions the accuser is never told their posit…

What was the term?

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#150

Post by yamazakiwi »

ctvo wrote: post #86
drooby wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ding ding ding…. It’s not about education… or income, it’s about STATUS.

Maybe? I know a lot of highly educated, successful women who wouldn't date Kevin Durant, for example. The idea of a rich man child trolling on burner accounts regardless of their high profile doesn't exactly drive them crazy. Replace Kevin Durant with Elon Musk if you're not a sports fan.

Bad examples, these 2 have fame in addition to status, which changes the game.
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