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Dating, education, and sex ratios

robkhenderson.com

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Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#251

Post by dahwolf »

inconceivable wrote: post #90
thowaway6060 wrote: post #43

I mean the research is nice, but I don't think that just a degree is going to up your chances. As someone who is using these apps constantly, I don't have any hope of finding a long term partner on there. I am on pretty much every app, except Tinder (Bumble, Hinge, okcupid, pof and even muzmatch (im south asian)). I have a bachelors, and I make good money. I've been told that I am a decent looking guy and I have quit…

part of the 'narrative' sold by society is that people fall in love while going through their casual dating 'phase'. nobody under the age of 30 (maybe 35) is going to be looking for a 'serious relationship'. if you explicitly state this in your profile or even on the first handful of dates nobody is going to respond well.

You state this as some casual observation, but it's wild.

In my country, 80-90% people in their early 20s are in long term relationship and thus already off the market. They may not be in their final relationship, but they are of a somewhat serious nature and not a one-night stand.

By the age of 30, should they be so lucky, many/most would buy their first home. And move in together. If you think that's early, my dad had all of this settled at the age of 19.

35 is almost middle-aged. It's absurd to only start looking for a serious relationship then. It's like extending college/party years by 15(!) years.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#252

Post by dahwolf »

WastingMyTime89 wrote: post #200

While the article offers nothing of value outside of its provocative title (but I clicked so I guess it works), I’m genuinely fascinated by why every article about dating here leads to such a slew of poor comments. I mean the discussion is full of entitlement, misogyny, cynicism or a mix of the three. A casual reading lends me to think that this is because this place skews rather young.

What misogyny? Women are not above criticism and most of the comments dropped here can easily be backed up by data.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#253

Post by dahwolf »

nokeya wrote: post #134

Remember Japan. People just don’t need each other anymore. They are good alone - in gaming, leisure or travelling. More and more businesses are switching to single-oriented service.

Apple delayed our societies' faith by not allowing NSFW content on the VisionPro.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#254

Post by sudosysgen »

imtringued wrote: post #223

This makes me wonder if Karl Marx‘ analysis of Capitalism is all wrong and not because of economic reasons but rather because men feel compelled to climb the hierarchy, even if it means turning into "exploitative capitalists", to impress women.

That's actually part of Marx's analysis in more words, specifically in how social status is a main driver for working people to give in to the logic of capitalism. Ultimately his argument is that this is fundamentally irrational and that even insofar as there is to be some kind of social status, it's more rational for working people to make that less dependent on capital as they are structurally prevented from achieving it.

But yeah as an argument in general "people are selfish and only care about struggling for themselves", if that's actually true it does undermine his whole argument.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#255

Post by dahwolf »

lsy wrote: post #202

This article points out what is probably real friction from shifting mores but seems mainly preoccupied with implying that a return to more conservative values around women's role in society would be called for. What I feel is needed is to understand what the fundamentals are and how those things could be achieved in a society that is also compatible with human freedom. Most of the problems described in this article…

Women's roles don't need to be reversed at all. Their success is earned, but that doesn't solve the problem of them selecting for men that do not exist due to their persistent behavior to exclusively select upwards.

The simple fix is to come to more reasonable selection criteria.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#256

Post by dahwolf »

hkt wrote: post #66

A very longwinded essay whose obvious conclusion - that values will change in response to circumstances - is entirely missed, presumably to make problematising educated women the tacit point instead. People learn and change: increasing numbers of women in education now will mean more relationships where expectations have changed in the future. This is likely to mean that, actually, some men with lower incomes than th…

Not going to happen, women do not want an unemployed man.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#257

Post by PoignardAzur »

cjbgkagh wrote: post #155
chongli wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it’ll sort itself out fairly quickly. Women who refuse to “date down” will find themselves getting older and lonelier. They’ll open themselves up to more potential partners because long term loneliness is much worse than status anxiety (and people tend to lose their status anxiety as they get older).

I am not optimistic that it’ll sort itself out. In my experience spinsters get more radical and less agreeable, in effect double down on their beliefs. It’s like watching a train wreck that takes 30 years. I’ve seen both women and men become embittered over time and I don’t think any of them will recover.

Yeah, bitterness has a way of sustaining itself.

After a while being bitter becomes your primary coping mechanism, it gets harder to let go of it.

I had a striking conversation with my dad recently, where he said that the thing that helped him get better was being alone, because he had nobody left to blame his problems on except himself. But some people can sustain the bitterness even alone!

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#258

Post by akomtu »

shrimp_emoji wrote: post #247
akomtu wrote: post #230

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hinduist "four ugas" capture this idea very well: the golden age when strong and good create values, the silver age when weak and good uphold the values, the bronze age when weak with sloppy morals let the values decline, the iron age when strong and evil destroy the values. I doubt that the current situation with marriage institute is seen as a problem by those in power. As we're progressing towards the iron age, th…

Woah. The Ancient Greeks did the metal thing too. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_Man Maybe it was an even earlier Proto-Indo-European meme that radiated out to everyone.

Speaking of Greeks, they believed that such universal ideas come from the world of ideas, or the world of archetypes; great thinkers merely perceive this world, and that's why different cultures seemingly by accident end up with the same ideas in their "books of wisdom". In this worldview, the achievement of greek or indian philosophers isn't creating the idea of the four ages, but expressing it in the limited thoughts framework they had to deal with. It's a lot like how painters try to express what they see on a small flat rectangle of paper.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#259

Post by lostmsu »

UncleMeat wrote: post #234
scarmig wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6731029/ > Covariates. We control for covariates that are likely associated with both psychological distress and marital strain including respondent age, education, and employment status (Mirowsky & Ross, 2003), spouse health status (Kiecolt-Glaser & Wilson, 2017), relationship duration (Proulx et al., 2007), and children in household (Mirowsky & Schieman, 2008). So at lea…

This is my favorite kind of scientific criticism. People who can't even access a paper just saying "well I bet they didn't control for obvious thing X" and then moving on.

This is my favorite kind of personal attacks. Never have I said "they did not control", but here you are.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#260

Post by dahwolf »

itishappy wrote: post #233
dahwolf wrote: post #224

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not to mention that emotionally intelligent is somewhat of an insulting term. Men and women deal with and express emotions in radically different ways, that doesn't make one way more mature or intelligent.

Some people recognize that fact, some don't. Surely that disparity is itself an aspect of emotional intelligence? I'm not sure I follow how that's insulting.

It's insulting in the sense that the stoicism of many men is considered unintelligent, primitive, underdeveloped.

You can frame it how you want. It can also be projected as a strength (emotional control). Or men simply being less interested in exchanging emotions intensely as it's just not that important to them.

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