201–210 of 446 posts
Earlier quoted context omitted.
More like most women don't find men who program interesting/fun. or Most men who program aren't "good with socializing" let alone "good with socializing with women".
or many men who program have an avoidant attachment style?
I'm a male who programs and have an avoidant attachment style. I haven't struggled to find a date since 11th grade or so.
What I feel is needed is to understand what the fundamentals are and how those things could be achieved in a society that is also compatible with human freedom. Most of the problems described in this article stem from a totally artificial "bundling" of companionship, sexual satisfaction, child-rearing, economic support, and intellectual stimulation into a singular person who not only is expected to satisfy these needs for you (and sometimes fails), but often prevents you from satisfying those needs with other people.
So of course finding "Mr. or Mrs. Right" becomes existential, and of course we turn to dependable sources of entertainment as the anxiety of picking the "right" life mate prevents any of us from actually committing to anything. But with some creativity we can think of actual escape routes from this dynamic that don't require a return to treating women as property, like supporting single child-rearing, allowing people to form mutual support structures with friends or family, detaching self-worth from relationship status, a further liberalization of sexual mores, expanding economic safety nets, and so on and so forth.
While the article offers nothing of value outside of its provocative title (but I clicked so I guess it works), I’m genuinely fascinated by why every article about dating here leads to such a slew of poor comments. I mean the discussion is full of entitlement, misogyny, cynicism or a mix of the three. A casual reading lends me to think that this is because this place skews rather young.
Towards the end, the article posits that the reason men fail to attain higher levels of education is video games. I would be curious to see how the effect of video games stacks up against the effect of the significant support industry established for helping girls succeed in STEM while comparable support for boys is nonexistent.
While the article offers nothing of value outside of its provocative title (but I clicked so I guess it works), I’m genuinely fascinated by why every article about dating here leads to such a slew of poor comments. I mean the discussion is full of entitlement, misogyny, cynicism or a mix of the three. A casual reading lends me to think that this is because this place skews rather young.
It's kind of like job interviewing. If you do five job interviews, get three offers, are happy at the job you take and stay there for five years, then you're averaging one interview per year. If you're struggling to find a good job you can do ten interviews per week forever. So the people who are eternally struggling at the job interview process have much more experience at it and have far more to say about it.
All the data is good, but the way it is framed is a bit misleading. First, lets get one thing straight: dysfunction in the dating world negatively affects both men and women. So framing it as "men floundering, women most affected" is disingenuous. What is it about the prospects a man has that he has no desire to become desirable? If men's lives are less rewarding wouldn't it be them, not the women, that are the most…
My 2c as a gay man that has many women as friends. They aren’t looking for “status” they are looking for someone who is emotionally intelligent. And thinking that gaining status is how to gain women is pretty much the opposite of that.
Patriarchy hurts both sexes. By thinking of status and power as avenues to sex you stunt your ability to connect with others. And it sets up a negative dynamic because if gaining power is the goal then having an egalitarian relationship with your lover is not possible.
> Maybe men use porn and play videogames not because they'd rather have that than a real relationship, but because modern relationships don't offer much more than that.
If you think that lowly of women, why would they spend any time with you at all?
While the article offers nothing of value outside of its provocative title (but I clicked so I guess it works), I’m genuinely fascinated by why every article about dating here leads to such a slew of poor comments. I mean the discussion is full of entitlement, misogyny, cynicism or a mix of the three. A casual reading lends me to think that this is because this place skews rather young.
The nature of dating is that the people who have a good experience dating get married, and so they stop dating. People who have only bad experiences keep dating. So the people who are eternally struggling have much more experience at it and have far more to say about dating. It's kind of like job interviewing. If you do five job interviews, get three offers, are happy at the job you take and stay there for five years…
It’s kind of untrue nowadays. Married people get divorced. People split. Plenty are not interested in marriage.
As a data point, I am a currently single average looking and averagely successful guy with no intention of ever getting married (I will probably settle into a long term relationship at some point but I’m not planning to in the near term) and who has dates (as much as such a thing exists here) semi-regularly when I feel like it. I have nothing particularly bad to say about the experience. At its heart, it’s just meeting someone new. It’s not particularly complicated or difficult hence my puzzlement.
All the data is good, but the way it is framed is a bit misleading. First, lets get one thing straight: dysfunction in the dating world negatively affects both men and women. So framing it as "men floundering, women most affected" is disingenuous. What is it about the prospects a man has that he has no desire to become desirable? If men's lives are less rewarding wouldn't it be them, not the women, that are the most…
All the data is good, but the way it is framed is a bit misleading. First, lets get one thing straight: dysfunction in the dating world negatively affects both men and women. So framing it as "men floundering, women most affected" is disingenuous. What is it about the prospects a man has that he has no desire to become desirable? If men's lives are less rewarding wouldn't it be them, not the women, that are the most…
> So framing it as "men floundering, women most affected" is disingenuous. My 2c as a gay man that has many women as friends. They aren’t looking for “status” they are looking for someone who is emotionally intelligent. And thinking that gaining status is how to gain women is pretty much the opposite of that. Patriarchy hurts both sexes. By thinking of status and power as avenues to sex you stunt your ability to conn…
Gay men are much less strict about demanding a performance of the male gender role (except for those elements of it relating to physique).
While the article offers nothing of value outside of its provocative title (but I clicked so I guess it works), I’m genuinely fascinated by why every article about dating here leads to such a slew of poor comments. I mean the discussion is full of entitlement, misogyny, cynicism or a mix of the three. A casual reading lends me to think that this is because this place skews rather young.
The nature of dating is that the people who have a good experience dating get married, and so they stop dating. People who have only bad experiences keep dating. So the people who are eternally struggling have much more experience at it and have far more to say about dating. It's kind of like job interviewing. If you do five job interviews, get three offers, are happy at the job you take and stay there for five years…