331–340 of 418 posts
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I don't understand all this drama. My kids have reached teenage without many horrors or fights between any of us, and I think that we're all pretty normal.
Seems like a different situation if Mom and Dad are not on the same page and completely unwilling to cooperate with each other.
I liked this piece a lot. However, I think one failing, which is also tripping up many of the commenters here, is this insistence on ordering one's relationships. Who's my number one? The moment you ask that, you end up with the social norm that one's sexual-romantic partner must be the number one. So you have a ton of people in the comments here who are very defensive of that norm, and you have people like those in…
That's a girlfriend.
Its like saying I have mechanical machine which uses 4 tires to move forward, its a car.
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> It's like the SV lifestyle created ADHD in him. I'm not in Silicon Valley, but I am in tech, and I notice myself slipping towards this as well. More and more, I find myself letting the current hot topic of the day run through my mind non-stop, over and over. I am unable to simply take a break from it all. I no longer have the patience to just sit on a deck for an hour with my own thoughts, I have to be reading news…
Turns out being bored is a skill that needs to be practiced. It’s kind of like mediation except not cool.
I never thought marriage was at the center of life, and I'm a bit surprised to think some people think that way. In my book marriage is a contract whose main purpose is to agree on what will happen when the spouse divorce (which happens for more than 45% of marriages in my country, and growing). It's not clear to me why it should be a the center of anything, and of life especially. Friendship on the other hand feels…
If I were thinking about moving (as I’ve done a few times since marriage) my wife and my kid would be coming along and nobody else would. So it seems pretty natural.
This is an edge case. Marines in particular, and the military members in general, will form a special bond that can seldom be duplicated elsewhere. And that has been my experience. I was among a group of six that met at the schoolhouse after boot camp. We did not get sent to the same units, but we were all PCS'd to the same base. Two of us (not myself) made a career of the corps, and the others went to school after s…
"seldom duplicated elsewhere" I hear this same sentiment from marines, cops, fireman, and fraternity members. I also hear it from Masons, Elks, Shriners, etc. I don't understand why men have to think they've "discovered" something about lifelong bonds that is exclusive to just men's clubs. My guess is that men are taught not to have strong emotional bonds with anyone but their mothers or wives, and then think it is s…
Our ancestors went out into the world together and killed animals. They taught each other's sons how to fight. Our social organization is ingrained, we evolved this way. Men need more than just physical proximity and shared interests to form the deepest of bonds, we need a shared identity built around a core way of life, we need a tribe.
I liked this piece a lot. However, I think one failing, which is also tripping up many of the commenters here, is this insistence on ordering one's relationships. Who's my number one? The moment you ask that, you end up with the social norm that one's sexual-romantic partner must be the number one. So you have a ton of people in the comments here who are very defensive of that norm, and you have people like those in…
If you have 3 people with strong relationships (between at least 2 of the pairs), you have a classic triangle. If there is a two-person activity and A chooses to do it with B, and C wanted to do it with A, then there is some level of conflict.
I'm not saying it's an impossible situation by any means. The triangle problem only comes up when the interests of the pairwise relationships overlap. (If C hates watching Gerbils On Fire, then C is unlikely to be bothered by A and B binging season 3.) But they'll often overlap at least somewhat. (C was hoping to watch Knitting With The Rats that same evening.) And it's not like pairwise relationships lack similar problems, so you don't need to compare to perfect.
It's just that "giving up on this silly notion" isn't enough to erase the problems. A may not raise his relationship with B over that with C, but there will still be situations where both relationships can't occupy the same space or time.
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And I don't. Have you considered my position, or did you just want to express your own?
hard to argue with a guy who thinks he is socrates
I'm not here to belittle you personally. I'm here to confront your ideas.
What are you here for?
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You are human. And humans are social creatures. Every human requires five social elements: Communication, Mentorship, Teamwork, Dependence, and Servitude. Commitment is just a framework holding some or all of the five elements.
It's "a" framework, not "the" framework. Therein lies my entire point.
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> How much of that is social expectation? Yes, we can change social expectations and boundaries. We did change social expectations and boundaries. It was called the "Sexual Revolution" and it happened over half a century ago. It's old news. This is where we've ended up since then.
I'm still trying to find the waves of that revolution. Maybe I just need to get the fuck out of Utah... I could really use an aftershock.