It kindof is for me. My close circle of friends have been friends for over 30 years. Various people in the group have been married and divorced (some more than once), but the circle of friends remains.
What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?
121–130 of 418 posts
Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?
#122Earlier quoted context omitted.
It's bizarre because it's distinctly not happening. The number of married couples in the US has been trending up since the 1960s [1] and only very recently has shown a plateau. Which is to say their doesn't seem to be any indication that "marriage is failing" i.e. there are less people in marriages. It's also notable that the rate of cohabitation has tripled over the last 20 years[2] (included because it's a worthwhi…
Just want to point out that with population growth, your stats show that over the past 20 years married couples per thousand population has gone from 202/1000 in 2001 to 185/1000 in 2022 which is a 10% decline.
Noticed that which is why I looked up the cohabitation data, since I'm not sure how "marriage" is being defined - over that same period cohabitation rates tripled.
I suspect that accounts for a decent chunk of people not getting married, but still being in long-term relationships unless there's some evidence these are substantially different types of relationships (i.e. not intimate).
Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?
#123As advanced countries' systems for marriage and child-rearing continue to fail, there is a constant demand for cope. What if we learned to love being single? What if we substitute friendship for marriage? 64 ways to enjoy retirement on your own! This is the collective version of listening to an alcoholic explain why he doesn't have a problem.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: There is more than one kind of relationship! It's exhausting to constantly hear about romantic commitment as if it's the barometer for all relationships . That's absurd! Did it truly never cross your mind that a person can have more than one meaningful relationship in their lives? No wonder people are so lonely! You don't need one or the other: you can participate in a close…
you can participate in a close friendship and casual sex. You can have several of each.
The casual sex "choice" doesn't apply to the majority of adults (most straight men don't have the option of multiple sex partners, most women don't want them) so it's difficult to see its relevance here.
If you mean throughout their life rather than concurrently, that doesn't really affect the idea that marriage itself is of special significance.
Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?
#124I don't like anyone as much as I like my wife, straight up. It's incredible to have a partner that acts as my actual 'other half'. We are two sides of the same coin. It's an amazing thing. I can't, nor do I want to, get that close to other people.
That doesn't always happen though. I feel the most lonely when I'm alone with my wife. We can only have a back and forth conversation on topics that interest her, or the day to day of the house/kids, anything outside those things is just never discussed or is a one-way conversation that just dies. I was friendless and grew up with the same 15 boys until the end of highschool, never fit in. Married the first girl who…
Yeah but then again why would your marry and commit to a "2/10 friend" who doesn't share anything with you ?
I know a couple who have been together for close to 20 years, they love being together, talking together, going out together, &c. and they're just thinking about getting married now, and they're only doing it to simplify some paperwork for something unrelated
Marriage isn't a checkbox, it's an option if you find the right person and want to legally bind your things to their things in case of death/disease/&c.
Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?
#125Sounds like something Epicurus would say.
Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?
#126Earlier quoted context omitted.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: There is more than one kind of relationship! It's exhausting to constantly hear about romantic commitment as if it's the barometer for all relationships . That's absurd! Did it truly never cross your mind that a person can have more than one meaningful relationship in their lives? No wonder people are so lonely! You don't need one or the other: you can participate in a close…
That sounds pragmatic, and it is. A partner is also pragmatic. Why dismiss one while promoting the other? Someone can have good friends and also someone they spend everyday with for 50 years.
I don't think it's either-or. If you're not a friend to your life partner, it's not going to be a very rewarding partnership in the long run.
Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?
#127In fact, it's difficult for you to distinguish the boundaries
Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?
#128A mix of both? I share a lot of hobbies with my wife, life wouldn't be as fun without her. We can talk about trivial things together such as "did you kill the frog boss yesterday? How was it?". That's something I would do with a friend (and still do), but my wife can also cover that role.
Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?
#129Earlier quoted context omitted.
> It seems like we've failed a whole generation of adults with good examples of what a relationship should be like. ... the good examples are like your relationship I assume? In some cultures parents are number 1, and the expectation is your elderly parents outrank your wife in terms of the devotion and love you should show them. Is that disrespectful too, or does it only apply to close friends? Who are you to judge…
well the parent to child relationship is not a procreative one. New family units have to form that are procreative or that society will eventually crumble. So it’s not simply subjective. The marriage relationship is procreative and a bedrock for society. I don’t think a society having greater / lesser deference to parents as authority figures takes away from that reality. The parents themselves are in a procreative r…
parent to child relationship is not a procreative one
How so? Are you certain that your parents have no genetic interest in helping you and your offspring thrive?
Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?
#130Earlier quoted context omitted.
That doesn't always happen though. I feel the most lonely when I'm alone with my wife. We can only have a back and forth conversation on topics that interest her, or the day to day of the house/kids, anything outside those things is just never discussed or is a one-way conversation that just dies. I was friendless and grew up with the same 15 boys until the end of highschool, never fit in. Married the first girl who…
Dude, this isn't "normal". "I'm most lonely when I'm alone with my wife" -- that is not healthy or good. I don't think your situation is applicable to the OP. As a counter, I feel most comfortable when I am alone with my wife. She is my best friend.
Same. My girlfriend of going on 7 years is whom I'm most comfortable around.
Haven't popped the question yet because, a)I want to build my business first, and b) in my experience and observations at least 5 years of dating someone is great for knowing if things will be good going into the future. Know too many who have rushed into failed marriages, and only a few who rushed into successful ones