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What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?

theatlantic.com

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Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?

#41

Post by ctvo »

ragnot wrote: post #6

Honestly, if my wife said I wasn't the number one person in her life then I would find that pretty disrespectful. She is my number one after all. It seems like we've failed a whole generation of adults with good examples of what a relationship should be like.

> It seems like we've failed a whole generation of adults with good examples of what a relationship should be like.

... the good examples are like your relationship I assume?

In some cultures parents are number 1, and the expectation is your elderly parents outrank your wife in terms of the devotion and love you should show them. Is that disrespectful too, or does it only apply to close friends?

Who are you to judge here?

Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?

#42

Post by asah »

NoZebra120vClip wrote: post #17

As June rolled around today, I was just reflecting on the history of sexuality, and the philosophical shift that has occurred relatively recently, from "lifestyle" to "orientation" to "identity" and all that comes with it. People in the past did not consider themselves to have sexual orientations, to be gay or straight or something else. Even someone who was committed to a same-sex romantic relationship wouldn't have…

Also: "work spouse"

https://www.google.com/search?q=work+spouse

Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?

#43

Post by Dalewyn »

nradov wrote: post #34
baq wrote: post #5

Euro perspective: sounds like an american problem of people moving halfway across the country instead of usually settling down nearby with their highschool friends doing mostly the same thing.

American perspective: the more affluent European cities that I've visited are full of young people that moved from halfway across the country or even other countries entirely in order to find better jobs. In the less affluent cities, people who are unable to move out often end up stuck and marginally employed. The idea of settling nearby with their high school friends doing mostly the same thing is an idealistic fant…

>an idealistic fantasy, not something that really happens much

Marriage as often presented is an idealistic fantasy, not something that really happens much.

Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?

#44

Post by layer8 »

mydriasis wrote: post #28

I don't like anyone as much as I like my wife, straight up. It's incredible to have a partner that acts as my actual 'other half'. We are two sides of the same coin. It's an amazing thing. I can't, nor do I want to, get that close to other people.

Not everyone gets that lucky, though.

Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?

#45

Post by refurb »

baq wrote: post #5

Euro perspective: sounds like an american problem of people moving halfway across the country instead of usually settling down nearby with their highschool friends doing mostly the same thing.

Don't fool yourself into thinking NYC represents the US.

Most people don't move away from home in the US.

Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?

#46

Post by refurb »

delfinom wrote: post #2

Do I come from an alien universe where people in committed relationships still have friends?

No, you're just reading an article written by someone in a tiny social bubble, common among the single, middle-aged in large urban centers.

Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?

#47

Post by NoZebra120vClip »

asah wrote: post #42
NoZebra120vClip wrote: post #17

As June rolled around today, I was just reflecting on the history of sexuality, and the philosophical shift that has occurred relatively recently, from "lifestyle" to "orientation" to "identity" and all that comes with it. People in the past did not consider themselves to have sexual orientations, to be gay or straight or something else. Even someone who was committed to a same-sex romantic relationship wouldn't have…

Also: "work spouse" https://www.google.com/search?q=work+spouse

Immortalized in King of Queens S1E20!

Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?

#48

Post by mydriasis »

layer8 wrote: post #44
mydriasis wrote: post #28

I don't like anyone as much as I like my wife, straight up. It's incredible to have a partner that acts as my actual 'other half'. We are two sides of the same coin. It's an amazing thing. I can't, nor do I want to, get that close to other people.

Not everyone gets that lucky, though.

And that's a shame. I truly think that there's someone like that out there for everyone. I also think it's sad when someone doesn't find that person. I wish that fortune for everyone.

And you know -- maybe some people just aren't programmed like that. I happen to be. Maybe some people _do_ get more out of friendships than they would out of a relationship. Really very different strokes, you know? Wild.

Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?

#49

Post by Dalewyn »

scarmig wrote: post #36
XorNot wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How exactly is "marriage" failing? This notion that two people being in a long term relationship can somehow suffer systemic failure or attack is bizzare. No objection re: children though. We've done an absolute number there via cost of living.

How is it bizarre? It seems the same category as saying friendship is failing, which also is a reasonable claim; see the entire bowling alone thesis. I'd probably group them all under the umbrella of social connections failing, which I'd consider one of the biggest issues of US society today.

>social connections failing

I have to wonder if people, and newer generations in particular, just fucking suck at socializing.

Humanity has very literally never had it easier to communicate and socialize, and yet somehow the vast majority consider themselves isolated.

Re: What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was at the Center of Life?

#50

Post by stef25 »

sf4lifer wrote: post #7

Kids are the center of your life. They are a lot easier (especially during the younger ages) to raise with a committed partner.

Ha ... recently single with two young kids. I find it actually easier to raise them (admittedly only every other week).

No more arguments about "who's turn is it to put them in bed", "why do I always have to do this" etc ... They may seem like simple questions that can easily be answered but it's really quite complex: "Had a tough day at work, could you do it?", which leads to score keeping and different views on what's a "tough" day.

Now I know I have to do 100% of it. I prefer that than to argue about it, clash over differences on how kids should be raised etc

Honestly, the way average people with an otherwise good life have to pay 150$ an hour to a therapist to help them sort out who's turn it is to do the laundry is nothing short of depressing. Try explain that to say, a rice farmer in Vietnam.

And yeah, it's not actually about the laundry but a power play between the mom & dad but that doesn't make it less depressing and certainly not easier to solve.

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