61–70 of 418 posts
I don't like the idea that there is a singular "center" of life. Everyone's center is different . Assuming that it's the same for everyone can cause a whole host of problems in people's lives. Societies are so far off from what's truly important in existence, that I fear we may never collectively reach that day where we truly get it right.
Relationships are what we do, not what we are.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Not everyone gets that lucky, though.
And that's a shame. I truly think that there's someone like that out there for everyone. I also think it's sad when someone doesn't find that person. I wish that fortune for everyone. And you know -- maybe some people just aren't programmed like that. I happen to be. Maybe some people _do_ get more out of friendships than they would out of a relationship. Really very different strokes, you know? Wild.
Euro perspective: sounds like an american problem of people moving halfway across the country instead of usually settling down nearby with their highschool friends doing mostly the same thing.
American perspective: the more affluent European cities that I've visited are full of young people that moved from halfway across the country or even other countries entirely in order to find better jobs. In the less affluent cities, people who are unable to move out often end up stuck and marginally employed. The idea of settling nearby with their high school friends doing mostly the same thing is an idealistic fant…
I honestly feel so lucky.
One of them moved 6 hours away but we talk and game every week on discord.
I'm from small town canada. People here are notoriously less ambitious than Americans or at least than big city Americans.
The one college friend of mine who moved to silicon valley I don't get along with anymore. He's just tuned to a higher frequency of activity and we can't share time effectively. It's like the SV lifestyle created ADHD in him. We can never just do nothing. We always have to be discussing something "important" or doing something "cool".
Sometimes I like to sit on my deck for an hour and let the thoughts creep by.
I used to feel envious of his wealth, power and prestige. But now that I have a wife and child and can see my distant future, I do not envy him.
But (also imho) no one really knows what marriage is anymore anyways.
Kids are the center of your life. They are a lot easier (especially during the younger ages) to raise with a committed partner.
Kids are not the center of my life.
We all have our own interests and goals. That includes kids, too. Get used to it.
Honestly, if my wife said I wasn't the number one person in her life then I would find that pretty disrespectful. She is my number one after all. It seems like we've failed a whole generation of adults with good examples of what a relationship should be like.
> It seems like we've failed a whole generation of adults with good examples of what a relationship should be like. ... the good examples are like your relationship I assume? In some cultures parents are number 1, and the expectation is your elderly parents outrank your wife in terms of the devotion and love you should show them. Is that disrespectful too, or does it only apply to close friends? Who are you to judge…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
How is it bizarre? It seems the same category as saying friendship is failing, which also is a reasonable claim; see the entire bowling alone thesis. I'd probably group them all under the umbrella of social connections failing, which I'd consider one of the biggest issues of US society today.
>social connections failing I have to wonder if people, and newer generations in particular, just fucking suck at socializing. Humanity has very literally never had it easier to communicate and socialize, and yet somehow the vast majority consider themselves isolated.
Euro perspective: sounds like an american problem of people moving halfway across the country instead of usually settling down nearby with their highschool friends doing mostly the same thing.
This doesn’t ring true to me at all. My Irish high school friends have scattered to the winds. And in my adopted European city everyone I know is from somewhere else. Europe isn’t one thing though maybe where you are your scenario is the norm.
Whereas the median foreign born population in the EU in total is around 10-15%, and an even smaller percentage of that is internal EU migration.
In both cases it's going to be migration from say New York to New Jersey, or The Netherlands to Belgium. So in terms of tearing up your roots it's not much of a move.
But Americans routinely move from say Miami to Seattle or whatever for a job. Distance-wise that's like Ireland to Greece or Turkey.
We Europeans simply don't do that at the same rate, although it's gradually on the increase.
Do I come from an alien universe where people in committed relationships still have friends?
How do you have time for friends besides your spouse after you do jour job, chores, fitness, sleping, education, side projects and random tasks which emerge every now and then? I do have some great friends but only meet them a couple of times a week even though they live very close to me.