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Poll: Do you get along with your parents?

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Re: Poll: Do you get along with your parents?

#51

Post by jleyank »

Read Sheehy's Passages. This has a complex answer that seems well-addressed in the comments: 0-10, parents usually cool, 11-22, parents usually annoying as hell, 23-40, broad range of feelings towards parents, 50-60, (re)appreciate parents.

Of course, 40+ can also be summed up as "damn, wish i had done X or Y or ...". Life is shorter than you realize and empathy is a valuable trait. If mistakes were made and you get the chance to remedy them, consider doing so. If you become a parent, do better.

Re: Poll: Do you get along with your parents?

#54

Post by [deleted] »

voisin wrote: post #25

I did, and then I didn’t, and then I did enough self work to realize how my parents’ traumas shaped them and how that affected my childhood, my own issues, and our relationship. Now I am left with compassion for them and sadness for what could have been but wasn’t. I have kids now and am working daily to break the patterns of intergenerational trauma, hoping to have with my kids what I couldn’t with my parents.

[deleted]

Re: Poll: Do you get along with your parents?

#56

Post by kaba0 »

cpursley wrote: post #36
jeltz wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For me it is more the other way round. The older I get the less understanding I have for them. As a teenager I got along perfectly with them but now that I am almost 40 I realize that they were pretty shitty parents. Especially when I realize what they did to my siblings. Edit: To expand I have more sympathy with my mother because I know of some of her traumas growing up. But I have a harder time to excuse my father.

Do you have children? After having one (1), I realized that my “shitty parents” were actually amazing superhumans, despite all their very human flaws.

That will depend very much on the individual. Someone who were beaten by their parents won’t suddenly turn around and love them when they themselves get children.

Re: Poll: Do you get along with your parents?

#58

Post by mvid »

sshine wrote: post #45
creakingstairs wrote: post #22

I wish. I had cut tie with one of them (which was really hard for me with Asian upbringing) but have since reconnected, only to be disappointed again and again. And I gotta tell you, it hurts every time. I understand and empathise how they came to be like that but I still cannot truly forgive them. I wish I can forgive and be at peace one day.

I’m sure the day will come.

Or it won’t, and you will find your own peace. Toxic “family always” posturing hurts people who have actual bad families.

Re: Poll: Do you get along with your parents?

#59

Post by badcppdev »

surprisetalk wrote: post #31
badcppdev wrote: post #24

Hi OP, Can I ask what your answer is and why your question treats parents as a single entity? Can you tell us more about your interaction with both your parents? Thanks

I'm firmly in the "partially" camp :) My mom is my best friend, I don't talk to my stepdad, and I never met my biodad. At first, I offered zero/one/both as the options, but I realized that many people have complicated step-family structures, so I wanted to make it more open-ended.

Cool. What's funny is that I read the 'partially' option as "getting along partially with two parents" as opposed to "getting along well with one out of two parents"
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