161–170 of 215 posts
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That actually sounds more like anxiety about the relationship, and now that I think of it what I'm describing is more like a (very common) combination of depression and anxiety.
Probably true. Thank you. Could it be anxiety driven by their own commitment?
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Anxiety feels similarly. The most valuable thing I've gotten from the past several years of therapy is a better model for how humans actually process information. The simple model a lot of people have is: 1. Receive some stimulus, input, or experience. 2. Process and understand it. 3. Respond to that emotionally. What we actually do is more like: 1. Receive some stimulus, input, or experience. 2. This data is way too…
Love the level of introspection going into this post. I'm compelled to add my own two cents to your narrative since it's helped me. I think step 4 is where people really get caught in a feedback loop. You come up with a reason why you should feel bad, and then you do (step 3) and before you know it you're back at step 4. One approach is to try and cut it off at step 2 like you mention, but I've found this to be a nev…
Yes. And because our brains are naturally recursive and meta-cognitive, it's so easy to fall into the trap of painting that work itself with the same toxic self narrative: "Ugh, I better keep working on improving my psychology because mine is so screwed up and I'm such a mess."
Short-circuiting that spiral can be really hard.
On good days, I try to just observe myself interpreting things through an unfortunate lens, acknowledge that doing that is part of who I am, and try to accept that as part of being me but that I am still a worthy person even so.
I have had what seems to me to be depression for most of my life (40+ years). I have been fortunate enough to have a kid and, now, I guess I just don't have time to be depressed or something because most of my thoughts of ending life etc have, quite thankfully, gone away. I'm really not trying to be off-putting when I say this but I do sometimes wonder if some instances of depression aren't simply a cause of people n…
As a child raised by a depressed and emotionally unstable parent, I have to disagree. Being well-adjusted is a good predictor for being a good parent. Even if in some cases people with mental health issues have a positive transformative experience, it's at best a dice role to treat it as therapy, and early childhood trauma is the collateral.
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I agree, I wonder if depression is not always rooted in some random, mental problem but rather a reasonable reaction to reality.
People who suffer from chronic depression do so without regard to circumstance. It's a mental plague that follows one wherever they go, whatever they do. It has nothing do with reactions to anything. There's nothing reasonable about it.
But other people who suffer from serious depression do so in ways that can be connected to their life circumstances and the framework of meaning they build for themselves around it.
I think one of the biggest disservices we do to people suffering from depression is lumping those two categories together.
It's like we have a single diagnosis for "bleeding" and very rarely distinguish stab wounds from hemophilia.
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I agree, I wonder if depression is not always rooted in some random, mental problem but rather a reasonable reaction to reality.
I kept saying this for years on HN but until the 2022 study it was always voted down and told that NO, it is due to a chemical imbalance and that we don’t understand
I hate this idea that signals can move the "wrong" way. There have been few days in my adult life that I wouldn't have preferred to not be here. Depression sucks. Yet, I don't think people are right when they tell me I'm wrong to be depressed. I hear that some people feel their depression shouldn't be there and that they should feel happy, and in those cases I think this sounds like it could be an excellent solution,…
I think the metric that mental health professionals use is roughly "interfering with your life." So if she were frustrating her colleagues and friends with her upbeat attitude -- if they saw it as insincere, e.g. and they decided to limit interaction with her -- that might be considered "wrong" or "treatable." If she herself saw the negative impact of her happiness, she could likely be treated by a professional.
> I hate this idea that signals can move the "wrong" way.
IMO that metric helps make things much more objective such that "wrong" can be considered instead "problematic."
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I kept saying this for years on HN but until the 2022 study it was always voted down and told that NO, it is due to a chemical imbalance and that we don’t understand
I recall that study! I suspect those downvotes are due to people recognizing that it implies depression is sometimes within the control of someone afflicted by it and conflating that with blaming the person afflicted by it. People seem offended by critiques of modern ideas that rationalize away an individual's control, agency, and especially culpability for their behavior or outcomes. Sometimes these rationalizations…
But I think mental illnesses challenge our very old notions of free will, willpower and control. How much are you really in control when the mental structure for motivation in the brain is broken? Personally, it's not like I pulled myself out of depression. I just took advantage of a "break" my brain gave me.
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I commented about this above since this type of thinking is what I see most commonly in my anxious/depressed friends. Really think on it deeply for a bit and you'll realize this belief can't possibly be justified rationally. Who are you to say that resources and power shouldn't be concentrated in the 1%? You say they overstep morality? That's your morality and you can't defend it rationally (no one can). Plus you can…
> Who are you to say that resources and power shouldn't be concentrated in the 1%? Who are you? Everybody has the right to say this, or the opposite. If you think that people need some sort of permission to critique the morality of murderers, or that there are no rational arguments for any sort of morality, I'm here to inform you that neither you or they need permission, and maybe read or think a little more about se…
I am not sure where I fall on the above two threads, seemingly strongly felt opinions on both sides. But if I can share what my takeaway from the parent of this reply, infuse it with my own experience, just in case it helps somebody or somebody finds it interesting:
It's that in the deepest moments of anxiety and depression, it can feel incredibly exhilarating to think about all the reasons that one is brought to this place of darkness. And to _know_ them to be correct, especially enticing are the global explanations. I notice this most strikingly in my mother, for whom all explanations need to be terrible, omnipresent, and incurable. "The reason that X treatment will never be available freely is because corporations have existed for all time as gatekeepers and sit in delight that they will never ever help an innocent soul who couldn't pay for it, so unless we have a revolution we should probably all just wait around until we die". These are our "conversations" weekly and have been for years. But I notice this in myself. She's not saying it because she's going to start petitioning against the corporations, she's saying it because it feels satisfactory (I have confirmed this by many a time digging into her rationale). And I do the same thing. In my darkest moments, I can talk endlessly about all the reasons. Quite convincingly, at least to myself, which is all that matters in that internal dialogue.
When I am most depressed, I very painfully make myself begin to exercise, daily or twice daily, and it's never cured me, but it sure helps. I sometimes wish that I could convince my mom that if she used 10% of the energy she does crafting the perfect mental narrative for why the world is unfixable- so why bother, and directed it towards proven things for long-term health, physically and mentally (restarting therapy, considering experimental therapies, exercising, diet, sleep!) that maybe _her_ world wouldn't seem so unfixable. Maybe even _the_ world.
I haven't succeeded yet, but if anyone has any ideas I am all ears.
I have had what seems to me to be depression for most of my life (40+ years). I have been fortunate enough to have a kid and, now, I guess I just don't have time to be depressed or something because most of my thoughts of ending life etc have, quite thankfully, gone away. I'm really not trying to be off-putting when I say this but I do sometimes wonder if some instances of depression aren't simply a cause of people n…
> I do sometimes wonder if some instances of depression aren't simply a cause of people not having families As a child raised by a depressed and emotionally unstable parent, I have to disagree. Being well-adjusted is a good predictor for being a good parent. Even if in some cases people with mental health issues have a positive transformative experience, it's at best a dice role to treat it as therapy, and early chil…
Keyword here is “some.” One instance that does not fall in this category doesnt suggest there arent some cases that do fall in this category.