321–330 of 371 posts
Three factors identified to make friendships more likely: See https://www.businessinsider.com/things-that-help-people-make...
from the article:
• Proximity: You're around each other regularly.
• Unplanned interactions: You see each other even without putting an appointment on a calendar.
• Privacy: You're in a space where you can exchange confidences.
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I had in friends in SF that tried, I just couldn't get on board with their concept of fun I wasn't into board game night, I also tried DnD which was ok but what an arduous turn based system and ritual, the weeknight bars were meh (to me), weeknight nightlife was pathetic compared to actual “world class” cities, some of my friends did well in the bouldering scene, there was a time when I was interested in free pizza a…
I don’t think cities that gather the “I like money” folk have really ever attracted interesting people, or another way: money doesn’t make people interesting.
in general many other personalities will go to an economic center to provide services
If you want to socialize and meet people, its a good idea to get involved in shared athletic activity: * martial arts (MMA, BJJ, even krav maga) * crossfit [1] * cycling (mountain biking, road cycling) * volleyball or surfing if you're by a beach * even a pick up basketball game In my opinion, doing something athletic as a group should be a mandate for everyone. There are too many benefits, physically and spiritually…
I second your notion that being athletic is not a requirement: the actually fit I’ve met are all extremely calm, accepting and disciplined. In the right gym/club/group, it’s an extremely rewarding experience for any body type and fitness goal. Be aware that distance based cardio groups (running, biking) will often require fitness that is above average but there are exceptions (look up a parkrun near you).
This is the case with martial arts, especially bjj. You'll come in like a soft doughey baby, and you will get smushed for a long time, but its rewarding for a veteran practitioner to see another person struggle and do well. They want to "lift" that person up an help them, as long as the newbie is trying hard.
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This is a weird persective for me, who mostly hangs out in groups. I've never thought about having to impress each individual member of the group at once or that I should be brusque; I dont even know what that means. And we have plenty of inside jokes and weird humor.
I am firmly in GP's camp, but I think this difference has more to do with introverted vs extroverted personality types than weird vs. not weird perspectives. Some people find it hard to express themselves in group environment because group environments tend to be highly competitive for 'air time', at which introverts are at a great disadvantage.
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Their shortest run is the 3.5-miler on Wednesdays. That's kind of the best I can do on a good day. Their other runs are at least twice as long. I don't think this is my jam, and I say that as someone who ran a 5k every day for three months last year to be able to enjoy literally this group.
"A free, fun, and friendly weekly 5k community event. Walk, jog, run, volunteer or spectate – it's up to you!" https://www.parkrun.us/byxbee/
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Weekly hangs are real. I have started and participated in several. I think a key to a good group hang is to have an activity that serves as a base narrative for why everyone is together. The activity should be easy enough for newcomers to join in, and compelling enough to keep people coming back.
Even something as simple at 'eating pizza' is enough of a frame to be useful
I don't have any friends. I'm almost 40 and haven't had any friends since about 13. Each year since then I've averaged "going out" between 3 to 5 times per year for a "social thing". I think about wanting friends all the time. But then I think I don't really have anything of value to add to a friendship. I guess I have a low opinion of myself. When I think about what I'd hope for a friendship to be, I just don't know…
That had helped me improve self confidence (and I'm _terrible_ at sports), find friends and ultimately find my wife.
People doing sports are typically in good mood and the activity naturally gives one something to talk about.
Anecdotal, but if you're looking for friends as an adult you should get a bicycle. I've moved 3 times in my adult life, and have made a solid group of friends each time by signing up for group rides, etc. Ages range from late twenties to seventies. You can usually find these on social media or by talking to a nearby bike shop. This doesn't just apply to urban centers either. Gravel and mountain biking is huge, and ge…
This. As an adult (I'm 53) I've managed to make lasting friends in only two contexts: 1. My local arts community, where I've served as a board member and patron for many small organizations; and 2. Cycling. I'm a big roadie, but I dabble in gravel -- primarily for social reasons. This has actually been a larger source of friends than the theater stuff, but both have been big. The bonus with cycling is that you kill t…
Make that three birds because you can travel to places!
One of my favorite things to do in the summer is ride with friends to the city center and grab some food, maybe a drink, and hang out before riding back. It's a leisurely ride on multi-use paths through parks, so even people that aren't comfortable or new to biking are willing to do it and you get to see cool parts of the city that aren't as accessible in a car, bus, or train.
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Reach out to the group and see if you could lead a more casual run distance as part of their Wednesday run. The run groups I've been a part of were receptive to things like that. The more important aspect of the run was the general finish time and not the distance.
Most of the ones that pop up on Meetup for me (and I'm referring to hiking groups, not running groups, I can't run for very long at all) seem to pick trail routes that will be at least 5-8 miles long, and you risk getting lost if you have to stop early, or they insist on a specific fast pace in the description, or it's an hour drive away just to get there, or they're in the middle of the day on a weekday, which I pre…
I'm talkative, outgoing and pretty funny in real life. I think I can say that people generally enjoy my company. But I only have about three friends, and I see them maybe four times a year. I really get along with my coworkers and enjoy their company at work. My wife thinks I should make more friends. But the truth is (and I suspect this is pretty common with HN'ers), I don't want more friends! Because in addition to…
The reason that I've lost so many friendships in the past decade is exactly what you're saying: friendships are not a priority for the average person who is gainfully employed, married with kids, maybe has pets, and also has social obligations to their relatives. For someone in your position, maintaining friendships is always going to be the lowest priority item, on a neverending list of responsibilities and social e…
If you get a dog and walk it or take it to the dog park you will meet people there. There's also group training classes like basic obedience and agility.
Be warned though, dogs, in general, require a lot of attention and some even need jobs.