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Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

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Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#281

Post by intrasight »

scarface74 wrote: post #253
intrasight wrote: post #243

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is no exaggeration that to say that social fitness fundamentally changed my life as an adult. I had, one day at the gym, decided to try a group fitness class. I had seen the class many times. Normally at the gym I lifted weights, wearing my headphones doing my Chinese language lessons. I saw they were getting an awesome workout, so one day I went and joined them, they were super friendly and welcoming and I became…

I can go one step further. I was a part time fitness instructor. I taught at one particular gym 3 days a week. It was very much our social circle. We would meet there for class, train for runs, run charity races at different places at least once per month, we went to each others weddings, etc. It was my most fun group as an adult. Then life happened in 2012. I got married and moved to the other side of the metro area…

Glad to hear you started training. Same here after some health issues.

> It would be seen as creepy as a male to try to make “friends” with women

Not sure why you or anyone would think that. In my case also it was nearly all women. But they approached me - because they are a social and welcoming group. I was married at the time. It wasn't a flirty thing at all. But it did result is a different friendship situation in that most of my friends were female. But trust me they make most excellent friends. Not afraid to share their feelings and listen to yours, and to say "I love you".

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#282

Post by prottog »

cableshaft wrote: post #227
RcouF1uZ4gsC wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> One thing I found strange about SF is that I never found a group that would do the weekly hang. What about a church? They do the weekly hang pretty much every Sunday.

I have been tempted to look into this, I'll admit. I remember when I used to do Sunday youth group every week as a kid. If I could find a local one that just had a regular board game night or something I'd probably be down to give it a try.

If you find a traditional church to be a bit too heavy-handed on some current wedge issues for your liking, you might find a Unitarian Universalist church to be more like what you describe.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#283

Post by irrational »

crazygringo wrote: post #64
shalmanese wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One thing I found strange about SF is that I never found a group that would do the weekly hang. The weekly hang is a socially porous experience, it has a fixed location and fixed start time but everything else is improvised. Different people could dip in and out, people felt free to bring new friends, people they just started dating, friends from out of town etc. Some people came once and never again, others become r…

I'm intrigued by this, I feel like I know a lot of people but I don't think I know anybody with anything like this. Closest is maybe a weekly book club but that's different. What kind of location -- is this a bar or a park or a brunch spot or something like bowling? How big is the group usually, like 6 or 20? Is it weekend afternoon or weekday evening? And how does it get started, does it just start organically or is…

Board game meetup. Show up, with or without games you would like to play, and either join a game table or invite others to play the game you are setting up.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#284

Post by irrational »

RcouF1uZ4gsC wrote: post #199
shalmanese wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One thing I found strange about SF is that I never found a group that would do the weekly hang. The weekly hang is a socially porous experience, it has a fixed location and fixed start time but everything else is improvised. Different people could dip in and out, people felt free to bring new friends, people they just started dating, friends from out of town etc. Some people came once and never again, others become r…

> One thing I found strange about SF is that I never found a group that would do the weekly hang. What about a church? They do the weekly hang pretty much every Sunday.

I have met most of my friends through church. I have a board game group that meets every Monday night (best night for all of us) and everyone there first got to know each other at church.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#285

Post by jvm___ »

intrasight wrote: post #243
jvm___ wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your local Facebook or meetup.com page probably has a running group that meets regularly. Look for the "Meet at 6:30am Friday morning in the parking lot by Starbucks" group. If you show up to that enough I guarantee you'll have 20-50 friends by the end of this year and attend a fun Christmas party where you know or can chat to multiple people.

It is no exaggeration that to say that social fitness fundamentally changed my life as an adult. I had, one day at the gym, decided to try a group fitness class. I had seen the class many times. Normally at the gym I lifted weights, wearing my headphones doing my Chinese language lessons. I saw they were getting an awesome workout, so one day I went and joined them, they were super friendly and welcoming and I became…

OP here. I'll write a post longer than yours, haha. Same story. Lonely at home - married to a loving but non-friend-compatible wife. Showed up to my local running group, kept showing up.

"After running and talking to someone for hours, you are no longer strangers."

Long, phone free, distraction free, interruption free, no-pressure, no "ask", no "work-relationship" to preserve, you're both sweaty, spitting, farting, drinking, exhausted, but proud of yourself and the others who are kicking butt that moring as well... I imagine it's why soldiers bond so well - shared adversity.

If you're a lonely geek reading this, a running group is an easy formula for friends. I've lived in the same town for 17 years - joining the running group and meeting others made it feel like home instead of just the place that I lived. Random streets and neighbourhoods aren't just "over there" they're now "Bob lives there". Going out for a run and getting honked at, or driving around for errands and honking at friends is just good fun.

---

I don't usually journal, but this day was an adventure with friends, something I hadn't had since Grade 7 until 40+... Just an embellished story about a drive out to someone's house, a run down a country road and the animals that we saw on the way. Being included and having fun had been missing from my life for too long.

Dec 28, 2022 I met J at my friend K's house and went on a road-trip to meet other friends; to climb mountains, descend valleys, fight off wild dogs, scare cows, dodging killer (wheeled) beasts, and run with horses, ending with Irish cream whiskey around a bartop table.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#286

Post by dbbk »

crazygringo wrote: post #64
shalmanese wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One thing I found strange about SF is that I never found a group that would do the weekly hang. The weekly hang is a socially porous experience, it has a fixed location and fixed start time but everything else is improvised. Different people could dip in and out, people felt free to bring new friends, people they just started dating, friends from out of town etc. Some people came once and never again, others become r…

I'm intrigued by this, I feel like I know a lot of people but I don't think I know anybody with anything like this. Closest is maybe a weekly book club but that's different. What kind of location -- is this a bar or a park or a brunch spot or something like bowling? How big is the group usually, like 6 or 20? Is it weekend afternoon or weekday evening? And how does it get started, does it just start organically or is…

There's a pretty successful version of this in London called London Drinking Club, which is literally just a bunch of people meeting up at the same pub every week with name tags.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#287

Post by 4mitkumar »

r_singh wrote: post #109

Is it easier in India? I have to actively avoid getting invites from people and feel bad when I refuse. I’m a native and if I travel to a new city I can make friends in a jiffy. I’m a 28 yo male and still not choosing to commit to marriage and this argument about finding friends later scares me at times. Is it really true? Does the depth of connection vary? I also was in Germany about half the year in 22 and for sure…

Nope :)

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#288

Post by scarface74 »

intrasight wrote: post #281
scarface74 wrote: post #253

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can go one step further. I was a part time fitness instructor. I taught at one particular gym 3 days a week. It was very much our social circle. We would meet there for class, train for runs, run charity races at different places at least once per month, we went to each others weddings, etc. It was my most fun group as an adult. Then life happened in 2012. I got married and moved to the other side of the metro area…

Glad to hear you started training. Same here after some health issues. > It would be seen as creepy as a male to try to make “friends” with women Not sure why you or anyone would think that. In my case also it was nearly all women. But they approached me - because they are a social and welcoming group. I was married at the time. It wasn't a flirty thing at all. But it did result is a different friendship situation in…

Women naturally have their “creep factor” on at the gym. It was easy when I was the instructor and it was a group of us doing things just to invite one more person.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#289

Post by ihateyouall123 »

legerdemain wrote: post #154
andrewfong wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Seems to be a thing: https://www.meetup.com/mountain-view-area-runclub/

Their shortest run is the 3.5-miler on Wednesdays. That's kind of the best I can do on a good day. Their other runs are at least twice as long. I don't think this is my jam, and I say that as someone who ran a 5k every day for three months last year to be able to enjoy literally this group.

So this speaks more about you it seems. I don't know if you know this, but you won't get in trouble. Your grades aren't going down if you do something against the group. You can leave at any time because you have autonomy. At the very most 20 out of the 7 billion people might ostracize you.

Stop caring about what people think.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#290

Post by yieldcrv »

adave wrote: post #237
yieldcrv wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had in friends in SF that tried, I just couldn't get on board with their concept of fun I wasn't into board game night, I also tried DnD which was ok but what an arduous turn based system and ritual, the weeknight bars were meh (to me), weeknight nightlife was pathetic compared to actual “world class” cities, some of my friends did well in the bouldering scene, there was a time when I was interested in free pizza a…

Curious,where did you end up both physically and profesisonally.

LA, I’m very into their concept of fun.

LA, NY, Miami circuit. Dose of some select spots for European summers.

Professionally, I got in front of the people I needed to in Silicon Valley and flipped a couple startups with non-dilutive capital and got out. Probably stayed in SF one or two years longer than needed, but I was open to making that my identity at the time so I tried to make it work, I like some things about Norcal just that they were always excursions instead of right in my neighborhood. People that like SF were almost never talking about things they liked within the city limits, it was things they liked somewhere between the pacific ocean and the border of Nevada, spoiler alert, not whats attractive about other cities.

Now I never mention tech unless its useful to talk about my exposure to a specific opportunity.

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